Every day we need to make hundreds of decisions, so, logically, we’ll make a mistake from time to time. And now imagine a relationship as complicated as the one between parents and teens. Of course, there will be mistakes on both sides.
However, there are some pretty bad decisions and mistakes that parents make when it comes to their teenage daughters. Being aware of them will help you avoid frequent arguments.
These mistakes are mostly about violating psychological boundaries. It can prevent your children from having their own feelings and being able to think for themselves. It’s really important to change a thing or two if you want to have a great relationship with your daughter.
Here are some mistakes that you’re making with your teenage daughter that can affect your relationship negatively.
1) You’re doing all of the talking but none of the listening
Nobody likes having lectures when they come back home from school. Teenagers want you to listen to them. Even if you disagree with her, your daughter wants you to know that you are aware of her feelings and that you will not dismiss them. So, you should start talking less and listening more.
Teens clearly require your guidance, but parents should approach it in a more mature manner, with discussions, negotiations, and full of understanding. If you want to talk about something, keep it brief and straightforward, and avoid repeating yourself.
Consider asking your teenager some questions as well. Your kid may find the solution on their own if you can teach them how to think for themselves, which is precisely what you want them to do as adults.
2) You are taking things too personally
Have you ever felt like your kids take you for granted, reject or don’t love you? That’s not true! Your children love you, it’s just that they are sometimes unable to show it the right way.
One of the mistakes you might be doing with your teenage daughter is taking everything too personally. Of course, their mean behavior shouldn’t be tolerated if it’s too frequent. But, keep in mind that they let their anger out on you because you’re the easiest target.
Your daughter knows you will always love her no matter what. Taking things personally increases levels of anger, frustration, and resentment. And if you’re constantly feeling like that, good communication between you and your teenager will be almost impossible.
If they are angry and mean towards you, it usually means there’s something bad going on in their lives. So, be aware that it’s not about you.
Sit down with your child and calmly talk about the problem. Explain to them that you’ll understand whatever they say because you’re their best friend.
If your child’s behavior made you sad, don’t be afraid to address the fact that your feelings were hurt.
3) You’re constantly blaming your teenage daughter
Be very careful when it comes to this. If your teenage daughter comes to you to talk about her problems, the biggest mistake you can do is immediately blame her for it.
First of all, you should be thankful that your kid turned to you in these difficult times for her. Secondly, if you immediately blame her she’ll probably talk to someone else the next time and you won’t even know there’s something going on.
So listen to the problem carefully, and help your daughter find the solution for it. If you realize that it is actually her fault, don’t get mad.
Instead, calmly explain why that behavior was problematic and try asking her questions like “Now that you know what was wrong, would you do it differently if you could go back?”
That way you’ll still have your child’s trust, the problem will be resolved, and she will learn from her mistakes.
4) You are minimizing her problems
Sit down and try to remember your teenage years. What were some problems you considered huge at that time?
Let me guess, your date was canceled, your professor didn’t like you, you got acne, your best friend hurt you, or the school trip got canceled? And your parents probably didn’t react the way you wanted them to?
Your daughter is a teenager now, so don’t make the same mistakes your parents did. Keep in mind that these are the big issues in her life at the moment. Don’t tell her it’s not important. It is to her, just like it was for you when you were her age.
The first solution that comes to your mind is probably to tell your kid it won’t matter to her in a few years, or that she won’t remember what happened at all. However, keep in mind that your daughter doesn’t care about how she’ll feel in 2025, she’s living in the moment and these are some problems she’s facing now.
Instead of telling her these things, tell her to brainstorm different ideas about how she can solve the problems, one by one. This can improve her problem-solving skills. And at the same time, you’ll show her that you care and you’re concerned about the situation.
5) Violating her privacy
Snooping around her things, phone, and room isn’t a good idea. I know it might be scary in this digital era, where a lot of bad things happen. But if your daughter behaves well, and you don’t feel there’s something alarming happening in her life, don’t violate her privacy.
That’s how you’ll show that you trust her, and she’ll always come to you when something happens. Kids these days know way more about technology than their parents. So if you try to track their phones, or search around their room, they will definitely find a way to outsmart you.
So the best thing you can do is earn that trust I’ve been talking about. If the communication between the two of you is good, you’ll always know enough about your daughter’s life. You’ll probably even know more than you’ve asked for.
Because if she senses she can tell you everything and you won’t judge her, she’ll realize that you’re the best friend she’ll ever have.
I know that relationships with your children might be tricky from time to time. But, put yourself in their shoes, and remember your teenage years. That’s how you’ll find a perfect recipe for a great relationship and you’ll stop making the mistakes with your teenage daughters.