Have you ever wondered how someone becomes a narcissist? How does a person begin to exhibit some narcissistic traits? Do narcissists have any insecurities at all? Does it all happen just overnight or does some major event trigger it?
Some people aren’t so lucky and narcissists didn’t just stay in their thoughts. Those who have encountered them or had any type of relationship with them know what I’m talking about.
We shudder at the thought of coming across a narcissist. We don’t want to be anywhere near this type of person.
They influence you negatively in every way, using some of their infamous tactics to take advantage of you. These people are cold-hearted and don’t care for anyone else but themselves.
You might think all narcissists are Leos because they’re so infatuated with themselves. However, this isn’t true. Narcissists are oftentimes more insecure than we think.
When you’re dating one, for instance, you won’t necessarily be able to see it at first. But, once you reflect on the things your narcissistic partner says and does, you notice a lot of strange stuff.
The following things make them highly insecure so they won’t ever talk about them.
A narcissist’s childhood is usually a tough topic to reveal. They will probably never start it on their own unless you initiate it.
Also, the conversation probably won’t be the most pleasant as they won’t have any nice memories to share.
Narcissists are often the children of narcissistic parents. It’s usually some childhood trauma, like narcissistic abuse, that they had to undergo in order to become narcissists.
It sounds sad, but these people don’t want us pitying them. You may feel sorry for your narcissistic ex-partner, but this doesn’t mean you should forgive him and go back to him.
2. Not being good enough
When you meet a narcissist, you’ll notice how all they do is talk about themselves and their accomplishments. At first glance, they may seem like a successful person full of ambition.
You may think of them as someone who has their goals set and is determined to achieve them. This is usually because they don’t think they’re good enough.
It’s also one of their insecurities and possibly one that’s deeply rooted since childhood. Perhaps their parents kept telling them how they should try to do more and that they were not good enough.
This can happen when parents want their child to fulfill their wishes. For instance, a parent will make their child take piano lessons because they love piano but never had the chance to play it.
If the kid doesn’t like it, it’s only logical they won’t be too good at it. However, this will only result in a parent’s scolding and harsh criticism such as “You’re not good enough. You can’t do anything right.”
Narcissists don’t want to talk about these insecurities. It hurts them too much to remember such things.
3. Inability to trust
You don’t see a narcissist trusting someone that easily. It’s only because they’ve been played multiple times in the past. This is also likely another one of the consequences of a traumatic childhood.
Often, these trust issues also have roots in their childhood years. They aren’t capable of opening up to someone because they fear getting hurt. They’re used to their trust being exploited as it’s the only thing they know.
That’s why a narcissist will take you for granted and play your trust behind your back. However, they’ll never talk about trust as it’s one of their biggest insecurities. Deep down, they know about their inability to trust others, but they refuse to admit it.
4. Emotional unavailability
When someone’s emotionally unavailable, you don’t expect them to show love and affection towards you, right? Well, it’s true.
But then why does a narcissist tell you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him? Unfortunately, this is all a hoax.
A narcissist will pretend to care for you just to gain your trust and play you. He doesn’t have feelings for you, it’s only a game for him.
Even though this gives him a sense of power, it doesn’t do him any good. A narcissist will be insecure and emotionally unavailable because of his past.
He will have a hard time letting someone in. This can also be tied back to his childhood where his trust was abused multiple times with serious consequences.
5. Heavy dependence on others
When you come across a narcissist, you don’t see this right off the bat. You see a person full of enthusiasm and ready to take on the world.
What you don’t know is that he’s far from that person. A narcissist was probably raised by parents with the same disorder. Therefore, they probably tried to make everything about themselves.
This made him develop all of these insecurities, but he has no way of expressing himself. They were always the center of attention and never put him in the spotlight.
These parents made everything about themselves and shoved their child’s needs and wish aside. This made him rely on his parents and ask for their opinions, thoughts, and affirmations.
A narcissist may not look like someone who relies on others, but he is. It’s just that, most of the time, those who narcissists rely on actually get hurt.
6. Criticism and judgment
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self. They will try to make themselves superior to others and will often succeed in doing so.
However, they’re driven by something that constantly keeps them on their toes. It makes their skin crawl just at the thought of it.
It’s two simple words that don’t mean much to us but can make a narcissist go crazy with fear: criticism and judgment. These two are major and common insecurities all narcissists have.
They dread being criticized because their parents did that to them every time they did the slightest thing wrong. This made them feel like a complete failure and never good enough.
This is why narcissists like to play things safe. They’re afraid of judgment and anything that could possibly knock their big ego.