There are many things that we shouldn’t ever forgive in a relationship. But sometimes, we set those boundaries yet completely forget to maintain them.
We forget that we promised ourselves to never let certain things slide. But life happens.
You fall in love with someone and, before you know it, you’ve fallen into a toxic downward spiral. You forgive things you wouldn’t allow anyone to do before you met this man.
So how do you even draw the line again? If you’ve found yourself questioning what you should and shouldn’t accept, then keep on reading.
You’ve done so much for this relationship. You’ve forgiven and forgotten things that should have made you walk out a long time ago.
This only shows how strong you are, but at the same time how much you’re relying on your partner for whatever reason (but that’s a topic for another day).
Today we’re here to talk about the things you should never forgive in a relationship. These things should be huge red flags and if your man does any of these, you need to pack up and leave right away.
1. Disrespecting your boundaries
A healthy relationship can’t exist without healthy boundaries. We’re not brought up to create these boundaries – all we do learn is that our boundaries make us selfish.
But some of us have managed to create those boundaries ourselves or through therapy. When you learn to set them and respect them, you also learn to respect the boundaries of others.
Those boundaries are what keeps you safe in every aspect of your life. For instance, you don’t want someone to kiss you on the first date. That’s a valid boundary. They have to respect that.
When someone disrespects your boundaries, you should never brush it off. They need to know that you aren’t there for their pleasure only. Someone who disrespects the boundaries you’ve set is someone who disrespects you.
However, sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll have to explain them to your partner. You’ll have to explain why you’ve set these boundaries as well as the importance of them.
People usually don’t know right away, so you may have to tell your partner. But if you’ve told him how important they are to you and he decides to cross them anyway, it’s your time to leave.
If he doesn’t respect them now, he never will.
2. Invalidating your feelings
How many times have you heard someone say something like:
“Oh my God, you’re crazy. Why are you always crying?”
“Quit nagging. It’s not even that bad.”
“That’s your problem, not mine.”
Do these sentences sound familiar to you? Just reading these may trigger an emotional response in you.
When you’re sensitive or emotional and people tell you that you’re crazy for experiencing those emotions, they’re completely invalidating you.
Of course, this comes from their own sense of insecurity. It comes from not recognizing their own feelings.
But that’s no excuse for their behavior. We can all grow from these thought patterns, but you can’t forgive it when it happens.
This is extremely similar to emotional manipulation. Your partner will invalidate your emotions until you eventually start ignoring and invalidating them yourself. And when that happens, you’ll be left completely numb and confused.
Never forgive someone for invalidating your feelings.
3. Double standards
You can’t talk to any men, but he can have female friends? You’re not allowed to go out into clubs, but that’s where he spends most of his free time?
You have to give him all of your social media passwords, but he refuses to give you his?
All of these are blatant double standards. He believes that he’s entitled to have his way because he’s a man and you’re a woman.
According to him, you have to cater to his every whim. He makes the rules but he doesn’t have to follow them.
This is truly a despicable mindset and you can’t forgive these double standards. You can go ahead and try to show him how they’re hurting your relationship, but at the same time, you’re supposed to have to teach him these things.
Double standards can completely ruin your relationship. It’ll turn into an unhealthy bond that’s only fueled by the things you can give him and how much he controls you.
A relationship needs to be balanced.
You can’t let him walk around all sanctimonious. He can’t expect you to follow his rules while also not caring about following them himself.
I’m sorry to be this frank, but once a cheater always a cheater.
Do you really believe that he’ll change just because he’s apologized? It’s not uncommon for someone to say that they regret their actions and will never do it again, only to do precisely the same thing.
So how can you stay with someone who so obviously decided to hurt you like this?
Cheating is a choice. It’s never a little mistake that you can simply brush aside. It’s a conscious decision you make to hurt your partner and betray their trust.
You should never forgive cheating in a relationship if you truly value yourself. This should be a non-negotiable boundary that your partner should never cross. Especially not if he thinks of staying in a relationship with you.
You’re going to live the rest of your life with him knowing that he did this to you and you don’t need that. You don’t need to spend your life next to someone who doesn’t love you.
Because he doesn’t. If he did love you, he wouldn’t have done that.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s easier than to stay with him.