People say that those who have many friends are truly blessed in life. And that’s true.
Having a really good friend, a true friend, can help you live longer, according to several scientific papers.
However, even in a relationship that is purely platonic, you can never avoid having shaky or hard times.
A toxic friend can have a bad impact on you. Having a toxic friend also means that because of them, you can feel exhausted or damaged.
Instead of giving you mutual happiness, emotional support, and trust, you become emotionally drained by them over time.
This eventually leads to frustration and fights.
The truth is that you are the one who needs to decide whether or not to be friends with them.
Toxic relationships are hard to recognize, because we sometimes cannot accept that our friend has changed, or we cannot justify their behavior.
It’s hard to end a long-lasting friendship, one where you have put a lot of effort into it, on good terms.
Nevertheless, if you find yourself in a friendship where you are not getting as much back as you are putting in, then it is time to terminate that relationship.
Here are some pointers that can help you determine whether you have a toxic friend or not:
1. A lot of drama
One thing that is sure to be related to having a toxic friend is continuous drama.
It’s like being surrounded by chaos all the time, and not being able to find the right way to deal with it.
It’s toxic if that friend constantly fights with you and causes problems or if they find ways to make you angry most of the time.
Drama is a really serious problem when you have a toxic friend.
Such friends are like vampires, they drain your energy, and only talk about their problems, not focusing on yours.
They constantly talk about what happened to them and don’t ask about you.
After hanging out with them, you end up feeling emotionally unfulfilled. You feel emotionally drained.
The causes of such feelings can be different, but if one thing’s for sure, it’s that a toxic friend will bring a lot of drama with them.
You will not receive any emotional support from them and you will eventually need to move on from them.
2. They rely on you too much
Like in a love relationship, friends should mutually complement each other.
If a friend depends on you and your validation, having to deal with that kind of pressure will eventually drain you.
It will take all your free time, which you should be using to focus on yourself and not them.
A friend’s constant urgent need for you is never a good sign of a true friend.
Women have this tendency to rely on their friends when it comes to emotions.
However, if they depend on you on a daily basis, then that friend is a toxic friend.
Their need for you can vary from day to day. Maybe you find yourself acting as a ‘psychologist’ to your friend, listening and giving them advice.
Or sometimes you are their financial support and that’s the worst thing.
We all have a tendency to rely on our friends, but be aware, if you are being a constant ‘crutch’ to one of yours, maybe they are using you.
3. They always criticize you
Honesty is always the best policy in a healthy and long-lasting relationship of any kind.
However, what happened to decency and kindness when being honest?
I discovered that many people in today’s society seek and give brutal honesty, especially if they are toxic.
Is brutal honesty really the right thing to strive for? Despite being the truth, it’s still brutal and like every brutal thing, it’s harmful to your feelings.
You need to know one thing, and that is that their words say more about them than about you.
If they ask things like, “Why did you wear that shirt?” or, “Why did you go out with her, even though you know I don’t like her?” and suchlike, those are all signs that they are criticizing you.
Constantly criticizing your every move, decision and activity will emotionally drain you and make you feel bad in your own skin, even though you don’t have any reason to feel that way.
A problem often arises when a friend judges and doesn’t respect you, as it can have a negative impact on your self-esteem. Instead of boosting your strong qualities and hiding your flaws, which all of us have, they belittle you and constantly criticize you.
You should know that those kinds of friends do not have your best interests at heart.
The right way to deal with such a friend is either to stand up for yourself or just back away from them.
My best advice to you is to keep those individuals at a distance or remove them from your life completely.
4. They want to change you
What if your best friend wants you to change? Are you ready to take their advice and really do so?
Those are questions that you need to ask yourself, if you feel like you are in a toxic friendship.
If they do not notice their own mistakes or even try to change them, then neither should you.
They are toxic if they always talk about how something is wrong with you.
They will always point a finger at you, criticizing and blaming you for everything that crosses their mind.
If your friend never stops offering negative feedback about everything that has to do with you, from your social media profiles to your make-up, then your friend is toxic and they want you to change.
Most of the time, they’re actually belittling you, so that they are the one coming to save you or lift you up, like a superhero, saving the situation.
Don’t worry, there is a solution to every problem.
The next time you find yourself in such a situation, you need to tell them straight away that their comment has hurt you.
Depending on their reply, you will know what to do.
Either they will apologize to you and change their habit, or they will act like they do not know anything about it and in that case, it’s best for you to let the friendship go.
What should you do?
I know, having to accept that you have a toxic friend is hard enough. Having to deal with it is even harder.
Letting go of someone is never easy and it will not get easier, believe me, no matter how much experience you have with it.
Maybe the two of you were close friends, but like with everything in life, time passes and people change.
We expect that our friends will be there for us, support our decisions, and just compliment us when we feel like we need an emotional boost.
Sometimes it’s harder to let go of a friend than a lover. However, giving them second chances all the time is never the answer to the problem at hand.
Eventually, you will despise them and your friendship will only deteriorate over time.
Like in every relationship, the cure to every problem is to sit down with your friend and talk openly about your problems.
If they are prepared to work with you on your friendship, then great, but if they are not, then you should move away from them, because nobody needs toxic or negative people in their life.
The fact is, a good, true friend will never be toxic to you. A true friend will go to great lengths to avoid anything bad happening to your relationship.
You should not feel bad about cutting off toxic people from your life.
They just don’t care about you because they are so self-centered and self-absorbed.
You should surround yourself with people who are positive, who like to spend time with you, and who are eager to lift you up.