It’s obvious by now that we all crave a slice of the love cake. We all want to experience the feeling of being intoxicated by the attention of a person who adores us.
Because that’s what love really is. It gets us addicted and once we taste it, we can’t get enough of it.
Sometimes, we’re so drawn to the idea of love – its romanticized version – that we ignore all of the red flags around us that scream and yell at us, telling us that the thing we have isn’t love.
But once you put your rose-colored glasses on, you fail to see the signs that try to show you that you’re not a part of a loving relationship. You’re only lured in by the idea of it.
When your partner tells you those three words, you’re over the moon. It gets hard to prove that he’s not in love with you and that there’s another name for what you two have.
I’ll admit it, these signs are often subtle. That’s why I’ll try to open your eyes and make you see the reality of where you’re at.
Even though his behavior might feel right, these signs will help you realize that the thing you have isn’t love and that you should do something about it.
1. It all happens too fast and too soon
It feels out of this world to be adored by someone. To be cherished for everything you are and loved for both your virtues and your flaws.
But does it seem that it all happened too fast? Week one, you’re dating, and fast forward to week two, he already told you that he loved you.
Don’t you think that the pace is seriously fast?
When it comes to real love, all those stories about love at first sight make no sense.
Yes, you may get attracted to someone from the first moment you see them.
And yes, you may sense an unexplainable attraction and the need to get to know that person better.
But you can hardly fall in love with them after a week of talking.
Because to be in love with someone means to love everything about them. It means to accept them as they are.
And if it’s all happening too fast, then there’s hardly enough time to process it all.
If your guy keeps taking things too fast and showering you with “I love you” from your very first date, make sure to see if you’re not being love-bombed.
Sometimes, people use this method as a way to win you over. They give you the thing we all desperately want to have – a movie-perfect love.
But the problem is that this is the real world we’re talking about. The love we see in movies has nothing on it.
So, be careful if things are taking a fast pace.
It could be one of the signs that what you have isn’t love and that there might be some hidden intentions behind it.
2. There’s too much “love” going on
Who would say that too much love could be a sign that it isn’t actually love?
If your partner keeps telling you that he loves you all the time (and by all the time, I mean ten times a day), it could be that he’s actually not in love with you.
He’s insecure and needs to hear those words himself. They make him feel better and give him a sense of self-confidence.
He’s not in love with you, he only needs someone to be there for him so he doesn’t feel lonely.
And he thinks that hearing those three words enough times will help him build himself up.
Another thing this could mean is that, again, he doesn’t love you but he pretends to.
He’s trying so hard to fall in love with you because he thinks that you’re a genuinely nice person.
Maybe he feels sorry for not feeling the right emotions for you and he’s trying to fake his own feelings.
If he believes hard enough, his emotions might change, right? At least, that’s what he thinks.
3. It’s too good to be true
Usually, when it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Do you feel that everything is perfect? He literally feels like a male version of you.
You love the same things and you never fight. You never even had an argument, that’s how perfect your relationship is.
Even though it sounds like a dream come true, I have to burst your happy bubble and tell you that real relationships don’t work this way.
It’s impossible that you and he agree on everything because it’s completely natural that there will be some things in which your opinions will differ.
In the same way it doesn’t mean that your relationship will fail just because you don’t agree on everything, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is perfect just because you never fight.
In this case, it might be that your partner is trying to present himself as a perfect match to you so he can win you over the easier way.
Later on, he may try manipulating you and playing mind games with you. So you should be careful about his intentions.
4. You’ve lost your identity
There are no more “me” and “I” pronouns in your relationship. He’s exchanged them for “we.”
Everything you do, you do it as a couple. You’ve forgotten about your way of life before the relationship and he’s forgotten about his.
Now, it’s the two of you wherever you go.
At this point, you might start feeling like you’re losing your identity.
And the chances are that when you tell your concerns to your partner, he might tell you that it’s normal.
You’re a couple and you’re bound to do things together.
He loves you and you love him, so where’s the issue?
This could also be one of the signs that the thing you have isn’t love.
Love is about meeting each other in the middle while continuing to have your own space.
It will never be about forsaking your own identity the moment you walk into a relationship.
If any of these patterns of behavior sound familiar to you, it’s time to have a serious talk with your partner.
Is it really love or are you in love with the idea of it? Only you know the right answer.
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