They all keep telling you about the positive sides of leaving a toxic relationship. And don’t get me wrong, there are a ton of them. But the truth is that you won’t feel them right away.
Once you leave your toxic partner, your body, heart, and soul will need some time to recover. You’ll need some time to detox from all of the negativity you’ve been through.
And more often than not, it won’t feel like the easiest thing to do. You’ll feel torn apart and have no idea if you did the right thing.
But you shouldn’t worry as those things are a normal part of the healing process. They need to happen in order to finally realize what’s good for you and what’s been hurting you this whole time.
Here’s what you’ll most likely feel once you get out of a toxic relationship. But don’t stress, all these things are part of the process of getting over the one who did you more harm than good.
First of all, you’ll crave your ex more than ever.
You’ll literally feel like you need to have him in your life in order to move on. Even though you know how badly he damaged you, you’ll still wish to have him back.
When you share these feelings with your friends, they will start coming at you, unable to understand how could you feel that way. They’ll keep reminding you of all the bad things about him, even though you’re well aware of them.
You know how much pain your toxic ex made you feel. You know what he put you through.
But you can’t really explain to them why you feel the way you do. You can’t really get them to understand where you’re coming from.
You’ll even feel confused at one point because you don’t want to miss that one person who played with you like you’re a toy. You don’t want to think about the man who made you lose your sanity.
But you shouldn’t bring yourself down because these feelings are completely normal.
What you don’t realize is that you don’t really miss him as a person. You don’t really miss your toxic ex.
Instead, you miss that feeling of love you thought you had with him. You miss having someone by your side.
So, your cravings for him actually have nothing to do with him. They’re related to the way you felt when you were in a relationship.
You lack that safety we think we have once we find a person we love. No matter if you were dating Mr. Perfect or Mr. Manipulator, the point is that this guy had a special place in your heart. And that’s what you’re missing right now.
Then you’ll start to hate this person who brought you to your knees.
Once you realize all of the pain your toxic ex inflicted on you, you’ll start to hate him. You’ll hate him for everything he did to you.
All those moments he made you feel like you were losing your mind, all those nights you sobbed uncontrollably – you’ll blame it all on him. And you’ll despise him for that.
Even the word “hate” isn’t a strong enough word to describe the way you’ll feel about your toxic ex.
At one point, you might feel like he possessed every part of your life. You’ll keep doing things with one wish only – to get revenge for the pain he made you feel.
And even though you’re not usually like this, you won’t be able to control all those negative thoughts about him. They’ll consume you for some time, until suddenly, you’ll notice something weird.
All of a sudden, you’ll feel guilty for hating on him.
How could you hate the person you loved at one point in your life? How could you even think about saying things against your ex when you chose him yourself?
No one forced you to pick him out of the sea of men. No one forced you to make him your partner.
The guilt will overpower you and you’ll start hating on yourself as well. You’ll feel like a bad person for feeling all these negative emotions for the one you chose of your own free will.
But this is also normal part of healing. It’s a stage you’ll hardly skip after you break up with a toxic person.
Sometimes, you’ll feel all these things at once: love, hate, and guilt. You’ll feel like you’re stuck in vicious circle and think that something’s wrong with you.
Many nights you’ll be unable to fall asleep. Instead of dreaming of a better life, you’ll keep thinking about the one who broke your heart. You’ll keep asking yourself why you miss him, and then why you hate him.
Over and over again, these emotions will boil inside of you and you’ll feel like you’re going insane.
You’ll be convinced that what you’re feeling right now isn’t normal – that you’re damaged in some sort of way.
But every time these negative thoughts about yourself overtake your mind, you need to be strong enough to push them away as fast as you can.
The truth is this: All of the things you’ll feel about your toxic ex are completely normal. They’re a part of moving on after him and starting your life over again.
You can avoid facing them and see your feelings as mistakes. Or you can accept the fact that this cycle of emotions is totally normal and there’s nothing you should resent yourself for.
You’re doing great! You had the courage to walk away from a toxic relationship and you’ll need some time to get over that.
Right now, you just need to give yourself a bit of patience. Treat yourself with kindness and let your soul learn how to heal after the one who crushed you into pieces.
Don’t rush things but accept your feelings the way they are. With their help, you’ll finally be able to move on.