Were you ever told off if you didn’t do house chores? I think everyone had the “joy” of bickering with their parents, especially in their teenage years.
Pretty much everyone’s childhood is marked by their parents being “annoying” at times, especially when kids wanted things their parents couldn’t give them at the time.
It may be a simple task such as cleaning your room. Maybe your mom and dad made you do certain activities even if you didn’t express any desire for it.
Whatever the case, we all fought our battles with them and never gave it much thought. That said, sometimes strict parents can be mistaken for narcissistic parents.
As a child, this probably didn’t even come to mind because you didn’t have any knowledge about narcissistic personality disorder. Moreover, you were raised that way to believe that it’s normal.
Exposure to narcissistic abuse becomes inconspicuous over time. Perhaps you’re a child of narcissistic parents and you’ve started to exhibit some of the common narcissistic traits. This makes you wonder about all the possible consequences of this behavior that affect your life.
The aftermath of living with narcissistic parents can be dreadful. You may shut down and be incapable of independence because they controlled you most of your life. Or you mimic their behavior, potentially leading you to be a narcissist yourself.
Either way, you find yourself struggling to cope in everyday life and it also affects people around you.
If any of this strikes a chord in you, don’t feel bad for yourself, and most importantly, don’t take the blame. Here are a couple of reminders for adults raised by narcissistic parents.
1. Acceptance is the key to success
If you’re dealing with a troublesome past that includes narcissistic parents, it might be a rocky start to adulthood.
However, the most important thing is to recognize that you’ve gone through a form of abuse. A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder that affects a circle of people related to the narcissist.
Throughout your childhood, your parents didn’t give you enough attention and you didn’t receive unconditional love as you should have. This might greatly reflect on how you view relationships nowadays. Perhaps you have trust issues and are slow to open up to people.
On the flip side, you might be too clingy because you’re used to being dependent on someone. A lot of people who’ve been affected by narcissists feel this way, and it’s okay.
The key to breaking out of this horrible cycle is first and foremost acceptance. You have to recognize the fact that you’re an NPD victim.
It’s not just the way you’re raised and it most certainly doesn’t have to shape your adulthood, and later on, your relationship with your children.
Seeking professional help can also be a step further in the healing process. If you don’t want your parenthood to resemble theirs, you have to actively work to get rid of all the narcissistic traits.
2. Stop the blame
One of the tendencies of narcissistic parents is to try to pin the blame on others. So, if you’ve grown up with the constant feeling of blame, there’s a reason behind it.
Maybe you were never good enough and you never met their expectations. Don’t let this stop you from your journey to recovery.
Remember that you’re enough and you should be your own main priority. If you’re a people-pleaser, it’s probably because you were raised to satisfy your narcissistic parents.
Their toxic behavior is the reason behind your low self-esteem and constant self-questioning. As a child, you always sought validation from your parents.
All of this led you to believe that you’re incapable of doing something yourself. When even the slightest inconvenience occurs in your relationship, you can’t help but think it’s because of something you did.
Guilt trips your parents put you on for even the smallest things made you the person you are today. You can’t help but be on edge all the time.
There are a million what-ifs that go through your mind over the course of a day and that’s enough to wear any person out.
Give yourself some time to appreciate all you do and to recognize the amount of effort you put in. Don’t think of yourself as a victim of a narcissist, but rather a survivor – because there’s a difference.
3. Believe in yourself
Growing up, you never experienced support from your narcissistic parents. They had an inflated sense of self and never acknowledged your accomplishments because they felt threatened by them.
Perhaps you wanted to do ballet, but they enrolled you in singing instead. It’s something you didn’t quite enjoy doing, but that didn’t matter. Your opinions and wishes didn’t matter.
Whenever you were met with some type of failure, you were punished for it. You were never encouraged to do better and never offered any help.
Your worth was undermined throughout your most sensitive years of life and it took a toll on you. This ruined your self-confidence and sense of self-worth.
What happened is that you reached adulthood questioning your ability to do better. You never learned what it feels like to have someone rooting for you, and no one showed you how to do the same for others.
Consequently, you have problems with trusting yourself and you’re filled with anxiety with every step you take. Remember, though, that your childhood is the past and you have to relish the present.
Make your presence known to the world, but not as the victim of a narcissistic person. Others will look at you the way you view yourself, so it’s vital to believe in yourself.
Don’t let your upbringing rule your life. Narcissistic parents can leave significant consequences but you have to learn to overcome them.
I know. It’s easier said than done. But it’s a must.
Parents who suffer from narcissism view their children as an extension of themselves, reflecting their narcissistic traits and actions. You don’t want to look at yourself the same way, do you?