Yes, love is beautiful and everybody needs it. But there are some hard truths about love that you’ll have to learn throughout your life.
Most young people aren’t quite sure about their plans for the future. But they’re pretty sure that they want to experience real love. We all have different definitions of real love, but mostly it’s connected to what we’ve seen in mainstream media ever since we were little kids.
Stories of princesses, and their princes who fight to save them from the cruel world. Life in this world can get pretty difficult, sad, hurtful, or even dull. But love is seen as an escape from it all. For some reason, we believe that love can save us from everything bad going on around us.
However, sometimes it’s love that hurts us the most. So here I am to share with you three hard truths about love in the hope that I’ll save you from getting hurt.
1) Love can’t fix all of your relationship problems
Most of us have been in a relationship that was obviously not going to work out, yet we still believed that love had the power to save all of the problems. Then we spent months or even years in a relationship that was very toxic.
It probably looked like this: Waking up, full of love and ready to share it with your partner. But your beloved partner wakes up cranky and annoyed by your happiness. You then end up in an argument. One of you apologizes.
Later on, after a series of small incidents, you get into a bigger fight. And you go to bed crying.
The next day, both of you feel empowered to fix your relationship issues. So you promise each other that you’ll change because you are so in love, and love can conquer any opponent, right?
Only for a few days to pass before you end up fighting yet again. And on and on it goes, until one day your relationship collapses.
And how do you feel after that? Utterly heartbroken. Some of us even lose hope and start believing that true love doesn’t exist. True love does exist, but we won’t be able to find it if we constantly behave like this in our relationships.
Yes, love is very powerful – when it’s real. But sometimes we just have to admit that it can’t save all of our problems. It’s not almighty. If you feel like you’re constantly needing to fix problems in your relationship, then take it as a sign to leave.
Staying in a toxic relationship because you’re waiting for “love” to fix your problems clearly isn’t working.
2) You can’t get love without pain and fear
I know you probably got a bit scared when you read this header, but there’s no need to feel that way. I’m here to help you stay realistic when it comes to relationships and love. And hopefully, that will help you in your future.
Okay, let me explain what I think when I say you can’t experience love without feeling hurt and afraid. It is one of the hard truths about love, but hear me out before shutting yourself off.
I want you to think about these questions: Were you ever hurt by a small situation that happened in your relationship? Were you ever afraid of losing your partner?
If you’ve really loved someone, then you probably answered yes to those questions. And let me explain why you felt that way.
When we truly love someone, we value that person more than anyone or anything else in the world. And by that, I mean that we really care about their opinions and thoughts, and what things they like and don’t like.
So if they point out that they don’t like something we’ve done, said, or even wore that day, there’s a huge chance that we’ll feel hurt. It’s a small situation, but those words come from someone we love, so they hold a lot of power.
And when it comes to being afraid, that’s connected to the fear of losing the person we love. If we’re really in love with someone, fear is often present. We are afraid of getting hurt, being left, or being betrayed. The hard truth is that no matter how good the relationship is, these feelings are inevitable.
3) Love isn’t enough to make a relationship healthy
Remember the first thing I told you? Sometimes we choose to ignore the problems because we hope that love will solve all of them. We leave everything bad that happens up to this “Love.” However, there’s something else we should consider.
Let’s say your best friend comes to you crying and telling you about how much she and her partner fight. And how every time he makes promises, he breaks them, and it just continues like that every day. Fighting and then forgiving each other, but neither of them is happy in the relationship.
What would you tell her? Probably that she needs to value herself more and that she deserves to find real love and be happy, right?
Then try to remember your problematic relationships and the way you used to think about them. It is likely that you had the same problems, but you still believed that love was enough.
Love alone in a relationship is not enough. There are things that are almost equally important – respect, loyalty, understanding, and championing each other.
If you don’t want a toxic partner, then you should look for one who understands the importance of all these aspects, plus love. That way you’ll finally find yourself in a healthy relationship.
The way we perceive love because of movies and fairy tales leads us to skewed expectations and grave mistakes. But one thing is for sure, good love is worth it.
Right and wrong relationships have the power to teach us so much about ourselves and make us better people. They make us ready to face challenges and grow as the years go by.
But we need to stay aware that our love lives won’t be perfect. Realistic expectations and accepting these three hard truths are a part of working towards a successful relationship.
Sadly, you’ll have to give up on many comforting and pretty illusions you have about love and relationships. But there’s an upside to this: what you’ll get in return will be worth it!