You’re staring at your phone, and all you can think about is, “Should I text my ex?”
I can’t tell you whether you should text your ex without your help. We’ll have to look at when you should text your ex, because there are times when you really shouldn’t.
If you’re going to text them, you’ll also need to know what to text your ex.
What is your goal? Are you looking to text your ex back?
I’ll offer you some great advice on texts to get your ex back.
Right now, you’re wondering, should I text my ex, and it’s good that you are. You shouldn’t rush this sort of thing.
So, the first thing you need to do to get the answer to the question of should I text my ex is relax and take it easy. You don’t want to end up sending a desperate message to a man who might not even be good for you.
Should I text my ex? I wondered the same thing some time ago but I didn’t text him; at least not at first.
I asked myself should I text my ex and considered some things before figuring out the answer.
For instance, I wondered when should you text your ex? Is it okay to text them right away after the break-up?
What about the no contact period? Is it okay if you text them after that?
What are some texts to get your ex back?
Should I text my ex if I want to say I’m sorry for hurting them? How about on their birthday to congratulate them?
Should I text my ex right now? No; you should put down your phone and read this article to find out when you should text them.
You should do this because it’s also important to know when you shouldn’t text your ex.
What’s behind the question of should I text my ex? Let me help you better understand what you’re going through.
Should I text my ex?
I can help you figure out whether you should text your ex. You’re in the post-break-up phase, and everyone copes with it in their own way.
Have you been looking at old pictures of the two of you? Are you even wondering why you broke up?
Perhaps you’re even stalking your ex on social media, or you’re simply eating tons of ice cream in front of the TV.
We have all been there, even though it seems like no one could understand your pain. Remember that time heals all wounds, and yours are still fresh, or maybe you keep picking at them.
You got used to being around your ex and everything that made them who they are. Now you feel like something’s missing because all that is gone.
You feel lonely, nostalgic, needy, and bored and those are the feelings that motivate people to text their ex.
We convince ourself that a simple text could have the power to change everything and turn back time.
This is a confusing phase when you’re not ready to let go of your past relationship, and you’re not ready for a new one. You might not even be ready to go out there and meet new people.
So, you feel lost and become impulsive and those impulsive decisions will later cause awkwardness and regret. Therefore, don’t let yourself text your ex right now.
The no contact rule exists for a reason, so you shouldn’t text your ex right after the break-up.
When is it okay to? Let’s find out.
When should you text your ex?
1. After the no contact period
A lot of us have made the mistake of texting our ex right after the break-up but this is a mistake that prolongs our suffering and makes everything confusing.
The no contact rule is your best ally after the break-up as both of you need time to process everything. You need time to heal and reflect.
Wouldn’t it be great if both of you could relax and process everything that happened before talking again? That’s why the no contact period is there.
It’s not a good idea to text your ex right after the break-up or only a week later. The no contact period should last a few weeks, and it will give you enough time to get your feelings in order.
After that, if you still want to text your ex, you can. You’ll be grateful to yourself that you waited a while before doing so.
No one knows whether your ex will text you back, but your odds are much better after the no contact period than during it.
Keep things light-hearted when you text them because you don’t want it to be awkward and another good tip is not to overdo it with the emojis. Less is more in this case.
2. When there’s a special occasion
This only applies if you ended your relationship on good terms. In that case, feel free to text your ex on their birthday or at Christmas.
Break-ups are different for everyone and happen for different reasons. Some couples break up because of infidelity or even abuse and those exes never want to talk to each other again.
If something similar happened in your past relationship, texting your ex on a special occasion would be weird.
Just imagine your last message to them being, “I never want to talk to you again,” and then you text them, “Happy birthday.” It would only make things confusing and awkward.
However, if you and your ex ended things on good terms, it’s okay to text them on special occasions. Just keep in mind that you should be thoughtful.
Send them one simple text just to congratulate them and wish them the best.
3. When you’re really worried about them
Is there a reason why you should be concerned about your ex? Whether they have health issues or a toxic habit, you feel like it would be a relief to find out that they’re okay so you wish to text them to know what’s happening with them.
We call that a post-break-up check-in, and it’s for those who get worried about their ex. It’s perfectly normal if you are worried about your ex for some reason.
You are an empathetic person who cares about the well-being of others, no matter who they are, so it could be your ex.
It’s okay to text your ex if this is your situation as you’ll be worried about them until you hear from them and find out they’re okay.
When you text them, mention that you’re concerned, so that it’s clear why you’re texting. They need to know that it’s just that and nothing else.
They’ll reassure you that everything’s fine and you’ll be able to sleep peacefully again. As long as it’s clear that you’re not trying to get back together, there’s nothing wrong with this kind of message.
4. When you have a need to apologize
Every break-up is a story of its own. Some break up because of infidelity and others simply fall out of love and while some come to a mutual understanding to end it, others yell and scream at each other.
Maybe you wish that you could take back some nasty things you said to your ex, or you regret something you did. Either way, that is when it’s okay to text your ex.
You know that you have hurt them and you can’t rest because of it. It eats you up inside, and you have to apologize.
Saying that you’re sorry and asking for forgiveness seems to be the only way to stop torturing yourself. If you feel that way during the no contact period, you can still text your ex to say you’re sorry.
Do it whenever you feel such regret, but do only that. Don’t turn it into an attempt to get them back.
Say you’re sorry, but after you get their response, text no more until the no contact period is over.
The point of all this is to make yourself feel better. However, there are times when you really shouldn’t text your ex. Let’s see them.
1. Don’t text them right after the break-up
Once again, I have to try to convince you not to text your ex right after the break-up.
You want to avoid all the awkwardness, confusion, and pain that would cause. You’re in the post-break-up period, and it’s a time when you need to take care of yourself.
You need to heal, pick up a new hobby, and do all the things you used to love doing. This is not the time when you should be overthinking, punishing yourself, changing your mind, or sending a text you’ll regret.
You need to wait for a few weeks before texting your ex, and trust me that this is great advice.
I’ll tell you what happened to me because I texted my ex before the no contact period was over. It was just one innocent text, but after he didn’t respond, I had to call him.
So, it pretty much turned to stalking him, and he blocked me on social media. All I wanted to do was find out how he had been doing, and the result was embarrassing.
If you need to, hide your phone from yourself. Just don’t text your ex before the no contact period is over.
After all, you might not want to text him by then, and you’ll thank yourself for not doing so.
2. Don’t text them when you’re lonely
This is a mistake a lot of us make. We text our ex when we feel lonely.
It’s perfectly natural for you to feel lonely after you have broken up with someone. You used to spend a lot of time with that person, and it suddenly feels like something’s missing.
In your eyes, your ex has become the source of your happiness, and you feel like no one could take their place. When that happens, it’s important to remind yourself that it’s all in your head.
Don’t confuse feelings of loneliness with feelings of love. You spent most of your time with your ex, and now you have feelings of isolation as a consequence of the break-up.
Time is your friend. Don’t forget that time heals all wounds, and so it will yours.
Those feelings of loneliness pass after some time so don’t text your ex when you’re feeling lonely.
There are a lot of things you could use as a distraction, and you can be stronger than your feelings of loneliness. Get yourself a haircut and have a girl’s night out, spend some time with family, or get a pet.
Do anything you can to keep yourself distracted and prevent this mistake that many have made. Don’t text your ex when you’re lonely.
3. Don’t text them when you’re feeling nostalgic
Besides loneliness, you’ll also experience feelings of nostalgia. It will happen when you think about your relationship, stalk your ex on social media, or when some items remind you of them.
Looking at old photos is another thing that triggers nostalgia, and all of us do that after a break-up. You start wondering what happened and how come it’s all gone now.
It makes you start hoping that you could bring it all back with just one innocent text… No.
You have to understand that you’re driven by the thought of getting back together, and you imagine what would happen if things were different.
You’re nostalgic, but don’t let it make you think that things would be great with your ex if only you texted them. Try focusing on the present instead.
Don’t fall into the trap of nostalgia that can make you relive the past and long for it to return. Shift your focus whenever it happens, and do your best to think about something else.
Go for a walk in the park, hit the gym, or watch your favorite TV show… Anything is better than letting nostalgia take over you and cloud your judgment.
After some time, you’ll feel great again, but you have to wait for it and go through this phase the best you can. Great things are coming your way, so do your best not to live in the past but to look forward to the future.
4. Don’t text them if they’re mad at you
This one speaks for itself, but don’t mind me reminding you that you shouldn’t text your ex if they’re still angry at you.
There’s a reason why they are angry, whether you know why or not and it’s definitely not a good idea to text them if they’re still mad at you.
Things could become even worse after you text them so don’t use messages as a way of figuring out why your ex is mad or to try and make them less mad.
You won’t succeed in that, no matter how great your text is. They know why they’re angry at you, and you have to let them deal with it on their own.
Creating additional complications could only make things worse, so don’t try to get them back when they’re angry at you.
Wait patiently, and maybe, after the no contact period, you two will be able to talk to each other. You’ll surely have higher odds of them texting back if you wait.
5. Don’t text them if you were in an abusive relationship
Toxic people become abusive partners, and unfortunately, there are many of them out there. I’m not talking only about physical abuse, but about emotional abuse too.
Has your partner ever hit you? Yelled at you? Treated you badly? Had jealousy outbursts?
If your relationship was in any way abusive, you should definitely not text your ex.
Why do you want to text them after what they did to you? Ask yourself that, and remind yourself of how you felt back then.
Maybe you believe that they will apologize after you text them. They won’t.
Maybe you want to check if they have changed. They haven’t.
Abusers don’t change so easily. It dates back to when they were just kids, and changing them is a serious process that takes a lot of time.
If they made you feel like you weren’t good enough, don’t text them. They would have said they were sorry if they were, so don’t expect them to do so now.
What to text your ex?
Have you successfully gone through the no contact period and you still want to text your ex back? I’ll help you with ideas on what to text your ex and how to do it in the smartest way.
So, what to text your ex? Here are 4 messages that you can send when you want to get your ex back.
1. Mention a big interest of theirs
“Hey, what’s up?” is a boring message that no one looks forward to. Such messages lack purpose and don’t make the recipient feel anything at all.
Send them something that instead has actual value and makes them feel great. For example:
“Hey, just heard that Eminem is coming into town in August… Just remembered how much you used to listen to his music. Hope you’re doing fine.”
Messages like this one work because they have a clear purpose as to why you are texting them.
You’re not getting angry, begging, or pleading, you are simply telling them about something that’s a big interest of theirs.
It’s important to end it with, “Hope you’re doing fine,” because then you aren’t forcing the conversation.
They may well ignore it, but if you do it right, you’ll get a positive response.
2. Remind them of the good times you had
Yes, you can remind your ex of some positive memory you had together without it looking weird or awkward. Try something like this:
“Hey, remember that delicious dinner we had when you got promoted? I can’t seem to remember the name of that restaurant, what was it again? I would like to take a friend there.”
This type of message can do wonders. You’re reminding your ex of a positive experience you shared together; in this case, a dinner, and it will make them remember it and think about it.
The great thing about this text is that it calls for a little jealousy and seems a little mysterious. Who are you taking there to dinner, and why?
Be careful, though, because this message can backfire if your ex is still irritated with you or annoyed to hear from you. Otherwise, it works like a charm.
3. Tell them something that made you smile and think of them
This option is only for those who have handled the break-up properly. So, if you got angry, begged, or screamed at each other, it won’t work.
Otherwise, it’s great to mention something that made you smile and think of them. Let’s look at an example:
“I stumbled upon my Lord of the Rings books just a moment ago, and it made me think of you for the first time in a while… and it made me smile!”
Once again, this is a message that has a purpose. You’re reeling them in with something interesting and positive.
You’re not trying to create drama, and you’re just reconnecting. It could work out great!
4. Come up with an excuse to meet up with them
If you have been successfully texting each other, it might be time to send them a text that will get them to meet up with you.
In that case, it’s great to have an excuse ready, so you’re not simply inviting them on a date. Try something like this:
“I’m redecorating my bedroom and could use a few pointers. You have always been great at interior design, so I was wondering if you could offer some advice. How about a quick coffee?”
You can also mention that you’re planning a trip to a place which you know they have visited and ask them for advice. Arrange a get-together to talk about that place, and you’ll end up talking about much more without it being obvious that you wanted that.