Everyone wishes to have a perfect relationship. Some people spend their lives trying to find love that is good enough for them. However, if your goal is to find love and make the relationship work, you may want to reconsider your expectations. Holding hands with your significant other or completing each other’s sentences doesn’t mean you have won the lottery in a relationship. When you want a romantic relationship you need to allow your significant other to make mistakes and be himself. Healthy expectations will help you keep the one person who makes your heart spin. Thus, you should be aware of the unhealthy expectations in a relationship that can drive a wedge between you and the one person you would give up the world for before it is too late.
Unhealthy expectations in a relationship
1. They won’t be attracted to anyone else but you
Just because you have found the right person it doesn’t mean he/she won’t notice other people. We are only human and no matter what, being attracted to other people is normal. However, don’t take this to mean that you are not good enough. You’ll also find yourself smitten by a stranger’s beauty or how they tip their head when they laugh but it doesn’t mean you’ll be holding hands with them at the end of the day.
Relationship experts advise against getting upset over this because it can mean losing a potential future partner. You will lose the right person because you didn’t trust them even after showing you they are committed to the new relationship.
2. No fighting
Just because your friends say they never fight with their significant others it does mean theirs is the perfect romantic relationship. Fights are not necessarily a bad thing as long as they are not happening all the time. You will be coming from different backgrounds and hold different viewpoints on various things which means conflicts are unavoidable. A good relationship will have fights at times no matter what. How you handle them is what matters. Disagreements in any good relationship allow you to discuss things that contribute to a healthy romantic relationship in the long run. It also helps you get a greater understanding of your partner and best friend
3. You have to be together all the time
Just because you have found a potential future partner doesn’t mean you have to hang out all the time. If it is a new relationship that makes sense but as time goes by you need to invest in your friendships and yourself. Smothering each other will affect your sex life and other forms of physical affection.
You’ll eventually get bored and tired of each other and this can ruin the relationship. At the start when the sex life is great and there is mad physical affection between the two of you this may not seem possible but in a couple of years, you’ll start noticing the cracks.
4. They will always be romantic
If your sex life is great and your partner understands your love language you’ll feel like you are on top of the world. Romance does indeed feel wonderful and lovely, but remember that your partner also has other life obligations. You’d probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with them in the first place if they didn’t have anything else going on in their lives. Thus, as much as finding someone who has a greater understanding of your love language is great you need to also understand that their sole existence isn’t to make you happy.
If you expect him/her to be romantic all the time you’ll kill the relationship before it even blossoms. Candlelight dinners and the typical roses can’t be a daily thing. Appreciate the daily things he/she does for you like cooking for you, washing your car and even doing the dishes.
5. They’ll always support what you do
Having a best friend means that he/she will call you out on the things you do wrong. Having your best interests at heart matters more in the first place. Always remember that your partner will not always support your decisions or actions. It isn’t a reason to get upset with them though. Your partner is entitled to his/her actions, values, and decisions as long as they do not harm you. Having healthy expectations will help you keep the relationship alive as opposed to forcing your significant other to be your ride and die without caring about how they feel. If they take a stand it doesn’t mean they aren’t good enough for you but rather they stand for what they believe in. Relationship experts advise against hiding who you are just to fit your partner’s definition of the perfect spouse or lover.
6. The relationship should be easy
As long as you are not ignoring red flags the other ups and downs of the relationship can be managed. Thinking that a relationship should be easy is an unhealthy expectation. Give each other room to make mistakes. Anyone who tells you he or she has an easy relationship is not being true. Those who have been in a relationship for a long time will tell you it is all about understanding, trust, and compromise. If you are walking in a new relationship thinking it will be an easy one you will be shocked. However, don’t make it difficult on purpose. Keep family members at bay because allowing them to interfere in your affairs will end up badly.
7. They will always say the right thing
Your significant other won’t always say what you want to hear. However, watch out for words that are manipulative or demeaning because those are red flags. Nonetheless, sometimes your partner won’t know what to say and vice versa. It isn’t a reason enough to punish him/her for it. Your partner will make mistakes when it comes to responding to what you say or how you feel. Even family members face this predicament at times and you don’t toss them aside. Thus, be patient with your partner and vice versa. As long as they weren’t intentionally trying to hurt you accept it and move on.
8. Everything will always go smoothly
If you think everything should always go smoothly then you have already crossed to the side of unhealthy expectations in a relationship. Challenges will come up and you will have to hold your partner’s hand as you overcome whatever it is together. Some of these challenges will not be easy and that is why you need to be aware of what to expect in a relationship. This allows you to go in fully prepared for what might happen. When you have high expectations it means you will not be prepared or willing to weather the storm with your partner when the going gets tough. These high expectations can make both partners resentful and that will be the beginning of the end. Thus, get to know what to expect in a relationship and how to make sure you don’t ruin it with your unhealthy expectations in a relationship.
Unrealistic expectations in a relationship
1. “My way is always right”
If you are convinced you are always right the relationship will be doomed even before it begins. You need to understand that you are in it with someone else and not with yourself. They will have their way of doing things and even different perspectives. Opinions on things like how to hang the tissue paper or how to deal with conflicts will be different. You have to learn to accommodate these differences as opposed to criticizing them. Get tips on what to expect from a man in a relationship and it will be much easier for you.
2. We share one mind
This is not one of the reasonable expectations in a relationship no matter what you may have been led to believe. Your partner might have committed to you “till death does us part” but you need to have reasonable expectations in a relationship. You don’t share one mind and you have to accept and understand that your partner will have different beliefs as well as opinions. Just because you are together it doesn’t mean he/she will change his political preferences or start liking spicy foods. He/she won’t change his religion for you in most cases either. Thus, you have to learn how to not expect too much in a relationship. Also, just because your partner hasn’t agreed to change his/her opinion or beliefs for you doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t love you. On that note, learn how to stop expecting the worst in a relationship. Otherwise, you will sabotage the relationship even before it starts.
3. You’ll always be satisfied
Among the unrealistic expectations in a relationship is thinking that you’ll always be satisfied. You can’t even come close if you are not working on it. Just like houseplants, you need to love, care and nurture a relationship for it to work. In doing so, you also have to set reasonable expectations in a relationship. You also fail yourself at times and it will be misleading to think that someone is going to satisfy you completely. It is such expectations in a relationship that bring constant fights and if left unchecked you will live to tell how bad your partner was when you also played a bigger role in the crumbling of the relationship.
4. All your loved ones will adore them
When setting relationship expectations you have to know that some of the things you like about your partner might be the reason why someone else doesn’t like them. Unless all your loved ones dislike your partner, it is one of the unrealistic expectations in a relationship to expect all of them to adore him/her. Since you are the one in the relationship with your significant other, your relationship expectations should not be spilling over to other people.
Forcing your partner to like and be liked by everyone you know puts him under pressure to act a certain way or say certain things. This puts a strain on the relationship and it may not end well. Thus, when deciding on relationship expectations be careful not to change your partner to fit your ideal standards. No one will ever meet those.
5. The sex will always be great
Relationship expectations involving sex have to be approached carefully. Your sex life will not always be great and that’s is okay. Over time the sexual tricks will run out and then it becomes routine. That is one of the relationship expectations you have to keep in mind when it comes to monogamy. The good thing is that there are a lot of resources you can use to spice things up in the bedroom when things become dull. However, be content even if it has become routine as long as you still love each other.
6. You should always come first
This is one of the unhealthy expectations in a relationship many people have. You won’t always come first in your partner’s life because he/she will have other things demanding his/her time. Your significant other has to make time for his/her friends and family as well as for work. Thus, you can’t always be the only thing running through their mind. The same way you have other things in your mind from time to time so will your partner. It’s okay to come second sometimes because it doesn’t mean your partner has forgotten about you.
7. You’ll have a Disney-like relationship
It shouldn’t be the first time you are hearing how flawed Disney’s projection of relationships is. Real-life isn’t anywhere near a Disney movie. Princes and princesses don’t just fall in love by chance and get happily ever after. Everyone has their flaws and the sooner you understand that the sooner you will learn the healthy expectations in a relationship. You need to work on your real-life relationship and give your partner a chance to make mistakes and just be himself.