Heartbreak

To My Ex Who Showed Me The Dark Side Of Love

To My Ex Who Showed Me The Dark Side Of Love
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Written by Lauren Dover

This one’s for you – the man who almost broke me for good. The one who made me think love is pain and gave me nothing but tears. The ex who broke my spirit and left me to drown in my misery on my own.

Love needs to be deserved. Remember how you would always say that? You would convince me that I needed to deserve your love. You made me fight for it and beg for it, then you would give me a spoonful of your attention to keep me from starving to death. You almost succeeded in convincing me that I am a worthless, incapable human being who will never be loved. You almost succeeded in convincing me that I don’t deserve anything better than the crumbs of your love that I had to beg for.

But guess what? You were wrong. Oh, how I hope that you can see me now. I hope that you know how happy I am. I hope that you realized how wrong you were about me. There was nothing wrong with me, just with the man I was in love with; you. The only mistake I actually made was loving you and I loved you more than life itself.

I wish I could invite you for dinner so you could see how, “I will never know how to cook.” I wish I could show you my articles so you could see how, “I will never accomplish anything with my writing.” I wish I could introduce you to my husband, so you could see how, “No one will ever love me.” I wish you would come to one of my plays so you could see how, “I’ll never be an actress.” Oh, how I wish that you could see that the only thing wrong with me was being with you. You never believed me. You never supported me. You never gave me the benefit of the doubt.

You were actually right when you said I couldn’t do any of those things because I really couldn’t; as long as I was with you. Do you remember all the times I cried and begged you to love me? I do. What did I see in you? Was it just daddy issues that drove me into your arms? Or are you such a good manipulator that you got me to fall in love with you so you could mess with my mind?

Your love left me broken. I looked anorexic because you fed on my energy and love. The worst thing about our relationship is that I know that you would take me back. I know where to find you. You’re at the same place where you were when I finally got the courage to leave you. You haven’t changed a bit. But I have. “You’ll never be a woman.” Remember when you would say that to me?

Well, look at me being a woman. I know that you occasionally stalk my social media. I know that you see how great I’m doing without you. But are you aware that all that was made possible by a man who truly loves me? When I was with you, I couldn’t even imagine that a boyfriend could be that understanding, that it should be someone who believes in you and supports you. I thought that a boyfriend was someone who didn’t fight with you only when you were having sex.

You taught me that. You showed me the dark side of love. That’s when the one you love isn’t capable of loving you. You’re not capable of love. That is why you are now alone in your little room, and I’m happy in my home with my husband. I would have never had that if I had stayed with you.

If I had stayed with you, I would now be a substitute for your mother, which is what you were looking for in the first place. “A woman’s place is in the kitchen.” You made me hate cooking because it was all a woman should do, in your opinion. I would have been miserable if I had stayed with you, as I was miserable when I was with you.

Can’t you see the difference now that I have a real man who treats me like a princess? You never treated me like that. I can’t believe I almost married you. It would have been the worst choice I could have possibly made in life. I hope you know that now. I hope you think about it at night when you are alone and wish you could have me back. You never will.

I loved you so much that the first six months with my future husband were about you. I was constantly talking to him about you. It was like you had brainwashed me into loving you, and I couldn’t stop. But I’m glad to tell you that I did. Now I don’t even think about you. I just think about how much better my life could have been if I had never met you. I wouldn’t be left scarred for life by your dark love.

The only thing you really did for me is scar me. Can you think of anything I accomplished in the four years we were together? How about now that I have married a man who really loves me? The difference is painfully clear. The on and off relationship I had with you for years was only ruining me. Nothing good came out of it except the decision that I would never be with you again.

I loved you more than anything in my entire life but that love almost killed me. What hurts the most was knowing that you never really loved me back. I was just someone you slept with. You would break up with me every time things weren’t going your way. I had a choice, either to be with you and have everything the way you wanted it or not be with you at all. It took me a while to realize what the right choice was, but I did. I hope that you know the result of it. I hope that you know that I am happy now and that I never was with you.

 

To My Ex Who Showed Me The Dark Side Of Love

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