Let’s face it, relationships are hard. But why is love so complicated? You dream about your ideal partner… and then you fall in love with your best friend, a younger or older man, or even a married man. The thing about it is that we can’t choose who we fall in love with. Our previous relationships or a broken family often cause us to fall in love with the wrong person. Then that awful feeling comes when you need to change your relationship status to ‘it’s complicated’.
Throughout history, people have written and sung about true love in an attempt to understand what love is. We use this knowledge to search for new love, the one that will turn out to be true love. But still, we can’t choose who we fall in love with. That is one of the answers as to why is love so complicated. If you have come from a broken family and didn’t have a father in your life, you will be like me and search for older men. It’s complicated because we are driven by our past when we are choosing a person who we will fall in love with.
I was in a toxic relationship with an older man and thought it to be real love. I simply adored him, but he would use that fact to emotionally abuse me. Still, I could have never imagined myself in the company of a younger man, since all my previous relationships were with those older than me. I stuck to my toxic relationship and tried to make up every time we fought until one day, I refused to. Even though I loved him with all my heart, I knew that he was far from my ideal partner. It was a bad relationship, and it’s what made me wonder why is love so complicated. However, I realized that age is more than just a number and found a man my age who showed me that love can be simple.
Why is love so complicated?
The thing about why is love so complicated is that we fall in love with the wrong person. It doesn’t matter whether it is an older man, your best friend, one of the married ones or a younger man… The kind of love where you love someone who isn’t right for you will always get you hurt. That brings us to another answer as to why is love so complicated. We believe that love is there to make us happy, and that isn’t really true. Love is not the same as happiness, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be happy.
Love is much more than the kind of love we imagine we would have with a perfect partner. But how do you imagine your perfect man? We all want a Prince Charming, but our hookups with bad boys claim otherwise. I don’t know about you, but I would always fall for bad boys and naturally, that kind of love will never make you happy. Another thing is that love is more than just romantic love. Love is also when a mother loves a child. You don’t need me to tell you what hard work it is taking care of a child; it will make you mad and disappoint you sometimes. Being a mother is a blessing, but loving a child won’t always make you happy.
So, whether our love makes us happy or not depends on how the person acts and treats us in a relationship. Haven’t you always wondered how a woman can love a man who abuses her? One of the answers as to why is love so complicated is that much like we can’t choose who we fall in love with, we can’t choose to stop loving them either… no matter how badly they treat us. The thing about love is that love is happy when it’s reciprocated but those we love don’t always love us back… or at least not the way we deserve to be loved. Sometimes, we are actually only attracted to people who withhold their love because we have experienced it from our parents.
All of us have had experiences with love. They have taught us that high school love doesn’t last, that infatuation isn’t the same as love and that it takes hard work to make a relationship last. Still, it happens that we continue to confuse infatuation and hookups with love in relationships. It could be said that everyone has three types of romantic love in their life. The first one is high school love, the second one is complicated love that hurts, and the third one is an unexpected love that lasts. The first time that you deal with love teaches you to wonder why is love so complicated. The second time, you have a truly complicated love and get your heart broken, which teaches you that relationships are hard and that it takes hard work to make them successful. The third time, when you find new love, they show you that it can be simple and you realize that you have just been with the wrong people.
Here are some examples of why could love be complicated in your case.
1. You slept with him last night, and now he isn’t answering your calls
All of us have had a one-night stand without being aware that that’s all it is. One example of complicated love is when you slept with him last night and don’t hear from him today. The worst part is knowing that he isn’t really busy and you won’t be hearing from him ever again… except maybe when he is in the mood for sex again. You have a complicated love, where all your partner wants is sex.
2. There is a third person involved in your relationship
It doesn’t really matter whether it’s his ex-girlfriend, another guy you like or one of your parents… When a third person is involved in your relationship, it isn’t simple. Perhaps he is already taken or still hasn’t moved on from his past relationship. Whatever the case is, there is no place for a third person in a relationship between two people. As soon as someone interferes with your relationship, things are going to get complicated. If you are in a relationship with a married man and that is your problem, check out the signs that your married man is in love with you.
3. The age difference is too big
Whether you are with a much older or much younger guy, it creates a complicated situation. The thing about age difference is that you will always be able to sense it, no matter how hard you try to ignore it. The truth is that age is more than just a number. A person who is significantly older or younger than you will never be able to think on the same level as you do and I don’t have to tell you how that can create problems in a relationship. You two won’t have much in common, no matter how hard you try to deny it. If you have always been dating people who are older or younger than you, try finding someone your own age. You will see what I am talking about and realize that, unfortunately, age matters.
4. Your families don’t like each other
This is Romeo and Juliet all over again. Your families don’t like each other, and that is why it is hard for you to enjoy love. Maybe your parents forbid you from seeing him because they think he isn’t right for you. Let me tell you something you won’t like to hear – they are probably right. My parents would forbid me from seeing every guy until I introduced them to my future husband. All of the other guys really were bad for me but even if they hadn’t been, having your family be against your boyfriend often makes it impossible for you to have a happy relationship with him.
5. Your partner isn’t ready to commit
All girls have had this problem. You meet a guy, fall in love with him and think that it will all be easy from now on, but then it turns out he isn’t ready to commit. It’s important for you to understand that some guys are simply players and forever will be. They will never be ready to commit, so stop waiting for them. Such guys are meant to forever be eligible bachelors at best.
6. The one you love doesn’t love you back
The most common reason why love gets complicated is when you fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. You can wish for it all you want, but nothing will get them to love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. At best, they will give you their sympathy, and that’s even worse than directly rejecting you. Ask yourself why you are always chasing after something you can’t have.
7. You are in love with a narcissist
Narcissists are people who only care about their own needs, and we have written a lot about their bad behavior. The only thing you’ll have in common with such a man is that you will both love him very much. He will never love you as much as he loves himself.
8. You are friends with benefits
My first love was with a guy who was my best male friend. I never got to call him anything but a friend. Still, since we were both single, we slept with each other often. He was my first love, but I always knew that he wasn’t cut out for a relationship and that is why we stayed friends with benefits until I finally managed to get over him. It was a really complicated love, and I don’t recommend it.
9. You haven’t defined your relationship
It’s tough when you don’t know where you stand with your loved one. He is more than a friend but less than a boyfriend. You are sleeping together but don’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. The truth is, you don’t know what you are. A relationship that isn’t defined will never go anywhere.
10. You have a secret relationship
Whether you are secretly seeing each other because your family is against him or because he has a wife, it isn’t simple. I was in a secret relationship with my older boyfriend because my parents were against him so I know how hard it is when you can’t walk down the street holding hands. Instead, you always have to sneak around like you are doing something wrong. Ask yourself if you are really doing something wrong. Secret relationships don’t usually last, and it is impossible to hide them forever.
11. You are together because of children
When you are with someone just because of any reason except love, it can’t really be called love. Maybe you have a husband whom you don’t love anymore, but you stay together for the kids. Even if it’s for some other reason, people should only be together because they love each other. It might be convenient for you to stay in a dead-end relationship, but that won’t solve anything.
12. You have broken up but still hook up occasionally
All of us have had a situation where we keep going back to our ex even though we are no longer in a relationship with them. But the thing about that is that it just prolongs the suffering. You have to get over your ex if you want to find someone new, and this is not the way to do it.
13. You’re not in a relationship yet
Love can get complicated even before you end up in a relationship with that person. When you just hope to be with them and fear that they will reject you, things aren’t simple. When you think about it, nothing about falling in love is simple. It makes your head spin, and you can’t really function the way you used to. All you can think about is the person you love.
14. He is a bad boy
Don’t we all just love bad boys? I know I had my share of them. The leather jackets, beer, and bars; there’s nothing simple about it. A bad boy isn’t meant to be tamed. You can enjoy him for a while, but you grow out of it and realize that that kind of guy will never be husband material. So, you say goodbye to all the crazy drunken nights and search for a normal peaceful life.