Do you have a selfish boyfriend? A selfish partner never sees your point of view and always put his own needs first. What’s more, a selfish man is also a selfish lover, as he will put his own needs first in the bedroom as well. His big ego is a red flag. This guy refuses to put even the bare minimum into having a healthy relationship. He is a control freak who is incapable of giving you the emotional support that you need.
Still, breaking up should be your last resort. There is still hope that he will work on his selfishness, and you will manage to have a healthy relationship but the first time you see red flags should make you react. I am going to tell you how to deal with a selfish boyfriend but we first have to see if he really is a selfish guy. Selfish people won’t let you get a word in edgewise; they constantly talk about themselves. Their well-being comes first, and some of them have a narcissistic personality.
20 signs of a selfish boyfriend (and how to deal with him)
If you are asking yourself if your boyfriend is selfish, look for the signs that he has a narcissistic personality. We have a few articles about people with a narcissistic personality that you can check out. All in all, his selfish behavior has to stop, even if you have to point out to him that he is a selfish lover, which would hurt his big ego and get him to see your point of view. If he keeps putting the bare minimum into making you happy, you are never going to have a serious relationship.
We are going to talk now about the signs of a selfish boyfriend so you can see if your boyfriend is selfish. So, keep reading, and I am going to tell you how to deal with a selfish boyfriend as well. You deserve to have a good relationship and the emotional support that you need. Read our article on what selfless love really looks like to find out what you are missing out on.
Signs of a selfish boyfriend
1. He talks about himself all the time
You never get a word in edgewise because he is always talking about himself. This guy is too selfish to ask about your day and how you have been doing which is a red flag that you simply can’t ignore. His self-love is over the top, and he cares only about his well-being. When you try to talk to him about your life, his eyes go across the room in search of something interesting because you and your life bore him. He finds only his life to be interesting enough to talk about. You two are never going to have a good relationship if he continues this selfish behavior.
2. He can’t deal with your feelings
Have you already been said to be someone who overreacts or is PMSing? He will use all kinds of excuses not to have to deal with your emotions, which includes explaining to you that you have misunderstood him. Whatever the excuse is, the point is that it’s never his fault, even when it obviously is. This is just another one of the signs of a selfish boyfriend that you need to keep an eye on. Don’t be afraid to point out his mistakes. It isn’t possible that it’s never his fault. However, it is very possible that he is a selfish man.
3. He never apologizes first
If you are in a serious relationship with a selfish guy, you will find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t even do; he is simply too selfish to admit to any mistakes. You will be the one who is always the first one to apologize, as it will be necessary if you want to get back to where you were before the fight. Otherwise, your selfish partner would stop talking to you for weeks. He would much rather do that than apologize first. His selfishness will ruin your self-esteem and self-love if you keep this up. The first time you apologize for something you didn’t do is your cue that’s something’s off.
4. He doesn’t spend time with you
If your selfish boyfriend always chooses to spend time with his friends or alone rather than with you, you have a problem on your hands. If you were wondering if your boyfriend is selfish, just look at how much time he spends with you. For instance, if he would rather be alone playing video games than with you, this is one of the signs of a selfish boyfriend. Trust me, girl, someone else would always choose you. Someone else would dedicate all of their time to you. Sure, everyone needs some alone time, and we are all busy sometimes but if he always chooses something else over you, he is a selfish boyfriend.
5. He is a control freak
This guy has to be in control of every situation at all times. This is because of his selfishness, and those selfish ways won’t get him anywhere. If you were wondering if you have a selfish boyfriend, just consider how much he has to be in control; where you eat lunch, when you will leave, who you will go out with… He has to have all the power in the relationship. Don’t believe him when he tries to convince you that he just wants to take care of you. You know that that isn’t the reason behind his selfish ways.
6. He never goes that extra mile to make you happy
You might try to be his best friend in the whole world but he will never do that for you. The traits of a selfish man include him never going out of his way for you. The worst part of it is that he actually thinks that he is treating you like a princess; he can’t seem to figure out why you can’t see that. Selfish people don’t see things the way they are. Your selfish boyfriend probably lives in his own universe, which he is the king of. Even though a break-up is your last resort, you have to get back your self-esteem and fight for what you deserve.
7. He does nice things only because he has to
A selfish person will give you a present for Valentine’s Day but only because they have to. The thing is, your boyfriend always has an ulterior motive for doing nice things; it’s one of the traits of a selfish man. He only wants to get on your good side and avoid you complaining. The only reason why he will buy you a present for Valentine’s Day is so as to not hear you complain about how much of a bad boyfriend he is so, you will never get the thoughtful gift that you deserve. The next time he gives you flowers, just wait a bit, and you will figure out the reason behind it. He just wants you to forgive him for something or simply to get laid.
8. He isn’t there for you
Your selfish boyfriend might go on and on about an argument he had with his best friend but when you try to talk to him about something that happened to you, he checks out. He will suddenly become hungry, thirsty, or sleepy, whatever it takes so he won’t have to listen to you. This is because only his problems matter, that is how selfish he is. Hopefully, you have a best friend who will be there for you because this guy never will. He simply isn’t interested in anything but himself. You will never be able to unload your emotional stuff on him because he will always check out once he’s done talking.
9. He doesn’t satisfy you in bed
When it comes to your sex life, that is where he really shows how selfish he is. He won’t care if you have finished as long as he has. As soon as he has an orgasm, he will roll over to the other side of the bed and fall asleep. When he wants to try something new, he expects you to be on board but when you want to be satisfied, he doesn’t care. Let’s face it, not many guys can get a girl to have an orgasm but at least they try! Your selfish boyfriend simply doesn’t care about your satisfaction. The only thing that matters is that he is satisfied.
10. He doesn’t compromise
Compromise is the reason why relationships work in the first place but your selfish boyfriend isn’t willing to compromise. You might think that he will change, but people who are selfish are simply like that. They do what they want and don’t care what anyone thinks about it and that is why it is so difficult to make things work with a person like that. Are you really ready to have everything his way for the rest of your life? I didn’t think so. You have to find a way of dealing with a selfish partner or give up on the relationship altogether.
11. He makes you go to him
There is no meeting in the middle with this guy. I already told you that he isn’t willing to compromise and that will result in him making you go to him, every time. He doesn’t really want to do any work because that would mean doing something selfless. People like this don’t want to compromise their comfort just for the sake of someone else. That is not the way relationships are supposed to work, and you will realize it soon. This guy has to change because you are only wasting your time with him if he doesn’t.
12. He doesn’t try to fix things that bother you
In a normal relationship, when you tell your partner something upsets you, he makes an effort to fix it. Naturally, he wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings again. But that’s not the case if he is selfish. If your partner is selfish, he won’t care about how you feel. He will simply continue to do whatever he wants regardless of how it makes you feel. That is the reason why this relationship will be hard to salvage. It will in fact be impossible unless he comes to his senses. He has to realize that he must change his behavior if he wants to stay in a relationship with you.
13. He always does what’s convenient for him, regardless of your schedule
This is a guy who makes plans without considering your schedule because he cares only about what is convenient for him, not for both of you. He will always give you last-minute notice because he doesn’t care about your plans. Considering someone else’s feelings isn’t in the nature of this type of person. If he really is selfish, he won’t pay attention to anything unless it makes him feel good.
14. He always comes up with excuses
These people are masters of excuses and they will always find a way to justify their behavior. Be prepared for a lot of excuses for why he hasn’t responded to your texts or calls. It might be as simple as, “I was busy,” or as creative as, “I was visiting my sick aunt,” but if one thing is sure, it’s that it’s a lie. The truth is that he simply doesn’t care about anything that isn’t convenient for him at that moment so the reason why he never responds to your texts and calls right away is because he doesn’t want to.
15. He always takes and never gives
If he is that selfish, he will just take and take until you can’t give anymore. It doesn’t matter whether it’s attention, consoling him, or sex, he will take everything. If you try to stop giving, he will walk right out of that door. Once you stop giving and ask him to give, you don’t serve his interests anymore and that is his cue to walk away. Don’t believe me? Try it. Stop giving. See how long he sticks around.
16. He sabotages your success
He hates not being the one in the spotlight. As soon as you start overshadowing his spotlight, there will be trouble. He won’t hesitate to sabotage your success if it could take the spotlight off him. This is a terrible characteristic of those who are selfish. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who would rather sabotage your success than applaud it? With this type of guy by your side, you will never get far. He is only dragging you down because he is so selfish.
17. He always says ‘me’ instead of ‘we’
In a normal relationship, your partner should care about your opinion and value it. He should think of you two as a team and work for your best interests. But not selfish guys. They only think about themselves and their own interests. It’s never ‘we’ with such a guy, because he will only think of himself. People who are selfish are incapable of embracing team mentality. He will never consider you as a couple before making a decision. His decisions will be solely based on his own interests and needs.
18. He wants you to always look your best
This type of man will be overly concerned with you maintaining a certain appearance. He will make comments about the way you look and the only thing he will encourage you to do will be to go to the gym. He doesn’t have your health in mind but wants to portray an image. The only reason why he cares about the way you look is the way it makes him look. He will want you to always look your best, and not because it would make you happy, it’s because it will make him happy.
19. He reminds you of how much he does for you
Okay, so maybe he did something amazing once, like planning the perfect date night but he has never done it since. What’s worse, you had to hear him go on and on about how much money and time he spent on planning it and he won’t miss any chance to remind you of it. Even if he buys you a great present for Valentine’s, you will hear about it till next Christmas. It even seems like he is trying to make it look like you owe him now. As I said before, your boyfriend has an ulterior motive for everything nice he does for you.
20. He will want the relationship to progress only if it’s in his best interests
When it comes to working out your problems, he will only put in the effort if it’s in his best interests for the relationship to continue. Continue reading so you can find out how to deal with such a man, and I wish you all the best. But if he really is so selfish, you might not have many options left. So, if you have to leave him, accept it. You will find a man who will always put you first, and you deserve to have that.
So, how to deal with a boyfriend who is selfish?
Dealing with a selfish partner isn’t easy, but you have to do it if you want to stay in that relationship. So, if it has turned out that you have a selfish boyfriend, read my suggestions on what to do step by step.
1. Don’t justify his selfish behavior
Dealing with a selfish partner starts when you stop justifying his behavior. Say out loud: “I have a selfish boyfriend.” That is not going to change if you keep coming up with excuses for his behavior.
2. Consider what made him so selfish
What makes him act this way? Maybe he was like that from the start, or maybe something has happened that changed him. Is he selfish just with you or with everyone?
3. Tell him how it makes you feel
Don’t attack him right away, but explain to him that his behavior causes you pain. Tell him that you aren’t happy with him anymore. This might make him see things more clearly and snap out of it.
4. Confront him with the facts
When you confront him about his behavior, he will tell you that you are overreacting. So, before talking to him, arm yourself with the facts. Remind him of the time he downplayed your emotions or didn’t listen to you. Tell him how it makes you feel when he constantly talks about himself without ever asking you how you feel.
5. Establish some terms and conditions
You have to make it clear what kind of behavior you aren’t going to tolerate anymore. Talk to him about your expectations from the relationship and come up with some ground rules. Set firm boundaries that your selfish boyfriend has to respect if he wants to keep dating you.
6. Make yourself a priority
Maybe you are never going to be a priority of his but that doesn’t mean that you can’t put yourself first. You have been the one who put your relationship first for long enough. It’s time that you focus on yourself and make yourself happy. After all, if he isn’t going to do it, who is?
7. He can’t take you for granted
And you need to make that perfectly clear. Show him that you can live without him. After all, you had a nice life before him. Show him that you are ready to walk away if he doesn’t put the effort into changing his selfish behavior. He will have to try harder if he wants you to stay with him.
8. Treat him the way he treats you
He deserves to get a taste of his own medicine. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you should change your personality but try acting the way he does. Show him what it feels like when you are taken for granted. Stop asking him about his day and keep talking about yours instead. He needs to see what it feels like to date someone that selfish.
9. Let go
Of course, if you love him, you will try everything. Still, if nothing seems to work, your only option left is to walk away and move on. Try to make him see that he will lose you if he doesn’t change but if it doesn’t work, be ready to leave him for real. You deserve better than to be with someone that selfish.