There is a fine line between a jealous boyfriend and a possessive boyfriend. Possessive people not only get upset when we talk to the opposite sex but also watch our every move. You will see the red flags when your controlling boyfriend doesn’t allow you to have any personal space. So it’s time to reflect on your own life and notice if your low self-esteem is a consequence of emotional abuse.
Are you asking yourself if your boyfriend is possessive? I will tell you all of the signs of a possessive man, from constant phone calls and text messages to watching your every move and not letting you have any personal space. All those little things are warning signs that you need to be aware of and things like that don’t happen in a healthy relationship.
As I said before, there is a fine line between a jealous boyfriend and a possessive partner. In both cases, it will upset them if you talk to the opposite sex or have a male friend but the difference is that a jealous boyfriend will want to beat up your male friend if he feels threatened and a possessive boyfriend will forbid you from seeing your male friends.
A possessive relationship can lead to emotional abuse and harm your self-esteem and all the little things he does to make sure that you are only his show that he has low self-esteem as well. But the most important thing for you to remember is that a possessive partner is the worst ex-boyfriend you could have so be prepared that he will at least stalk your social media after the break-up.
Your possessive, controlling boyfriend might say the words, “I love you,” but is he stopping you from seeing your loved ones, whether it’s male friends or family members? I am going to tell you all of the warning signs that you are with a possessive partner and how to deal with a possessive boyfriend. So read on because it is important that you notice the red flags in the early stages of love.
23 signs of a possessive boyfriend (and what to do)
There comes a time when you have to reflect on your own life and ask yourself if your boyfriend is possessive. It is important to see the signs of a possessive man in the early stages of love before it’s too late… and you end up being forbidden from seeing your male friends, family members, and other loved ones. Is your significant other a possessive man? Read these signs of a possessive man to find out the truth and I will also tell you how to deal with a possessive boyfriend.
I myself was in a relationship with a possessive boyfriend and it was the worst relationship of my life. I won’t tell you that you have to end it with such a man… but I have to tell you this… Once I found the true love of my life after leaving that guy, I finally got to see what it feels like to still have your freedom in a relationship. These types of guys will want to keep you caged and will treat you like you are their property.
However, once you are in a healthy relationship with someone who isn’t like that, you will see that a relationship has to allow you to breathe. The right guy will even encourage you to spend some time with your friends and do the things that matter to you outside of your relationship and I can’t stress enough how important that is. No matter how much you love a man, if he doesn’t let you live outside of your relationship, you end up having only him in your life. And once you realize you have to end it, you won’t have anyone to help you.
That is why it is crucial not to let this man isolate you from everyone and everything and trust me that he will try. So even if you decide to stay with him, don’t let him do that. Keep reading to see all the signs that you are with such a person, and how to deal with it but keep open the option of ending the relationship because if he doesn’t want to change, you will never be happy with him.
Signs of a possessive boyfriend
1. You have to act according to your possessive partner’s wishes
All in all, you will get a lot of demanding, emotional blackmailing, silent treatment, nagging, and threatening; all that if you don’t abide by, comply with or fulfill what your significant other asks of you. The thing is, controlling men don’t allow us to be on our own and this is because they don’t trust our decisions and think of us as their property.
2. He controls when, why, and where you go and with whom
A possessive person will breathe down your neck whenever you want to go somewhere and it doesn’t matter whether it’s to see your friends or family or go shopping. When you are in a possessive relationship, your jealous boyfriend will want to control where and when you go somewhere and especially with whom. He will use all sorts of manipulative and menacing ways to keep you at home.
3. He stalks you
Possessive behavior includes logging on to your social media account to see all of your private messages but he will also check the text messages and calls on your phone, or look at your Internet search history. A possessive man is someone who keeps an eye on you at all times. Even if he isn’t checking these things while you’re not there, you hear the question, “Who is texting/calling you?” a lot these days.
4. He is clingy and needy
A possessive boyfriend will always remind you that now that he has you, he doesn’t need anyone else in his life but according to him, neither should you. Not everyone who is clingy and needy is possessive but when he starts displaying resentment or anger toward the other people in your life, it is a very clear red flag.
5. He will try sabotaging your friendships
The thing is, a controlling man will try to isolate you from everyone else and you will notice that he has no friends either. Starting to control with whom you associate in the early stages of your relationship is a major red flag. He will even try to turn you against the other people in your life and forget about having male friends when you are with a possessive man.
6. He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Possessiveness shows itself when your controlling man doesn’t let you have anything that is just yours. He will always impose himself on you and you won’t have any time for yourself or a life outside of this possessive relationship. The truth is, this kind of man can’t respect your personal boundaries.
7. He is extremely jealous of other men
It’s one thing to be a jealous boyfriend, but when his possessiveness shows itself every time you talk to some other man, it’s your cue that a break-up is inevitable. He will want to know why other men are calling you and why they are liking your posts on social media or texting you because he sees no other reason for that but the intention to take you away from him. And have no doubt about it, it will make him paranoid so don’t even think about talking to your ex-boyfriend.
8. He controls what you wear
“You’re not going out wearing that!” Is that sentence familiar to you? One of the clear signs of a possessive man is when he forbids you from wearing short skirts or showing your cleavage. He is convinced that someone is going to take you away from him and in his opinion, you are provoking it with your clothes. Your body is for his eyes only and if you try to show more than he allows you to, his possessiveness will show its creepy face.
9. He constantly texts or calls you when you’re not home
It’s the why, when, where, and with whom again. A possessive boyfriend will have rules that you can’t find in a healthy relationship and he will make sure that you don’t do anything you aren’t allowed to do. As I said before, he is also paranoid, so the messages won’t be just, “I love you.” He will want to know exactly where you are going and what you are doing, which will happen especially when you go out with friends.
10. You can’t make any decisions without him
His possessive behavior will show itself when you try to make a decision without him because, even if the decision doesn’t concern him, he will want to be involved in making it. But being involved won’t be enough, because he will want you to do what he wants you to do.
11. He manipulates you
A possessive boyfriend is emotionally and psychologically manipulative. He will diminish your self-confidence and self-esteem… until he can make you believe that you don’t know what’s good for you. But thankfully, you have him who knows. This is one of the signs of a possessive man that is really creepy and you can’t let his possessive love brainwash you into becoming his puppet.
12. He passes it off as love
This guy will try to convince you that his possessiveness is just love and the worst thing is that you are probably going to believe him. But trust me, dear, all that controlling behavior and jealousy are far from what love is all about so never let yourself confuse possessiveness with love and let this article help you with this.
13. He is always accusing you of something
Has your possessive boyfriend started to accuse of cheating or lying? When this happens in the early stages of your relationship, it’s a warning. He is actually trying to pass his guilt onto you and he will not hesitate to use reverse psychology to get you to admit to what he is accusing you of. This is an early sign of possessive love but never let this man make you doubt yourself.
14. He gets mad if you don’t respond right away
Does he get mad when you don’t respond to his messages or calls right away? Maybe he just gives you the silent treatment afterward, but it’s not any better. This is because he is so paranoid that you are cheating on him that he immediately thinks that that’s what’s going on when you don’t respond. But that is his problem, not yours and you don’t have to take his possessiveness.
15. He has something bad to say about everyone
A possessive boyfriend is someone who has a problem with everyone. He, in fact, thinks of everyone as a threat to him, and that is why he is always talking down to them. The worst thing about possessive love is that he will try to convince you that all of it is for your sake. He will tell you that he has your best interests in mind, and that is a lie; the only thing that he has in mind is paranoia.
16. He is short-tempered
When you see signs of anger management problems early on in a relationship, it’s time for a break-up. Possessiveness doesn’t allow for patience and even the smallest issues will set off a serious fight. Even looking at someone else the wrong way could get him to start a huge fight with you. Possessiveness is an ugly thing, and you should get away from him.
17. He is always questioning you
And he doubts your every word. Why would you want to be with someone who wants to know why it took you so long to get home from the grocery store? The thing is, either he is dishonest, or his jealous and controlling behavior has taken over him. This is an everyday situation when you have a possessive boyfriend.
18. He will withhold information
Don’t be surprised when your mother stops by or your father calls, and it ‘slips his mind’ to tell you. This is intentionally withholding information to get you to detach from the other people in your life. Possessiveness is all about wanting you for himself only so he will do anything he can to get you away from everyone else and that includes your family.
19. He will intimidate you
This man will start to intimidate you until you feel like you must have his permission before doing anything… or making any decision on your own. And he will do anything he can to get complete control over you including manipulation, or using pity, blackmail, or guilt. Do you really want to end up married to someone like that and have to ask for permission before you do things?
20. He will make you an emotional yo-yo
Your boyfriend is going to withhold affection simply out of spite, if he isn’t already doing so. He might leave the house without saying goodbye, just because he knows that it bothers you and he will later come home begging for you two to make up. Going from one extreme to another will make you his emotional yo-yo with which he plays.
21. He uses the things you told him against you
Naturally, when you are in a relationship, you start sharing things with your partner. You trust him, so you open up and confide in him with secrets that you haven’t told anyone else but when he starts using those things against you, it’s a big sign that you are in a possessive relationship. In a healthy relationship, your boyfriend would never do such a thing. He wouldn’t judge you by what you did in the past and wouldn’t mention it.
22. He sees only the bad things in your relationship
It doesn’t matter how much time you choose to spend with him, the moment you choose to spend it with someone else will be the only thing that matters to him. He won’t see all the days that you spend with him, only the day you left him alone.
23. He doesn’t respond well when you say no
This is the type of guy who will make the saying ‘my way or the highway’ painfully true. He will do anything he can to get things his way and won’t take no for an answer. Don’t be surprised when he tries to emotionally blackmail you just to get you to do what he wants.
How to deal with a possessive boyfriend
If you have recognized your possessive boyfriend in the signs I have listed above, it’s time to see how to deal with a possessive partner. I will tell you the things that you can try in order to deal with his possessiveness but if none of it works, a break-up is your only option.
The thing is, this behavior comes from the fear of abandonment or rejection. There is a possibility that you two will overcome this but if it has already come to abuse, please stop searching for ways of how to deal with a possessive partner and instead, search for help to leave this unhealthy relationship behind you and regain your freedom.
1. Practice self-care rituals
The first thing that you need to do is take care of your self-respect and boost your self-confidence. You can do this in any way you find helpful, but self-care rituals are the best option. Have you been neglecting yourself because of this relationship? Now it’s time to change that and gain back all that makes you you. I tried acting classes and I strongly recommend it because it’s a great way to rediscover your confidence.
2. Tell the people you love about your situation
Unfortunately, this kind of relationship isn’t so rare but a good thing can come of that fact. Maybe you have a friend who has been in a similar situation who you can talk to but be careful who you confide in because some of the people who love you will only get mad at your partner. Choose someone who will be calm and able to look at the situation objectively.
3. Identify the problems and the root of them
If you are determined to make this relationship work, seeing a therapist before you speak to your partner is the best idea. A professional will be able to help you verbalize what your situation is and it will be easier to speak to your partner afterward. You have to find a way to tell your partner what’s wrong and what they need to change in order for your relationship to work out. You will need to provide him with specific examples of his behavior that need to change.
4. Have a talk with your partner
It’s time to set aside an appropriate time to have a discussion with your partner. Start by letting your boyfriend know that you appreciate him and then progress to the issues you have been having with the way he behaves. And remember to only talk negatively about his behavior, not about him. Give him examples and be prepared for him to get upset and be offended. This is important to know so you can prepare yourself to stay calm at all costs. Be very clear about what has to change in order for your relationship to work. If he finally agrees to change, help him in the future by drawing attention to his possessive behavior.
5. Be patient but don’t wait forever
You can expect slip-ups as he tries to change his behavior and if you can’t help but love him, be patient with him because it will take time for him to really change. But that doesn’t mean that he should get unlimited chances. You might have to accept that this relationship doesn’t have a future so you have to be prepared for that. Miracles happen, but not that often. In any case, it won’t be easy but don’t ever let some person jeopardize your well-being. Nothing is worth harming your health.