Life

Life Isn’t Fair, But You Can Do Something About It

Life Isn't Fair, But You Can Do Something About It
Written by Deborah Carbone

Let’s face it – life isn’t fair. We live in an unfair world full of bad things and bad people and that can negatively affect our mental health. A lot of people find it hard to let go of their expectations and don’t really understand the concept of fairness but self-pity is not the solution, and you have to deal with it. Start by changing your point of view and realize that people are human beings who are allowed to make mistakes.

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    Unfairness is something that happens every day but if you are wondering why life is so unfair, let me help you change your point of view. The thing is, you have to let go of your expectations and deal with it. Self-pity won’t get you anywhere, and your idea of fairness causes you pain. A lot of people sacrifice their mental health because of their life experience with bad things and bad people but you can’t always think about your self-interest.

    Every human being has their own self-interest and it would be impossible for everyone to get what they want. When life isn’t fair, it just isn’t capable of looking after everyone’s self-interest and life isn’t always fair, but you can do something about it, and I am going to tell you what that is. You have to understand the concept of fairness before you think about why life is so unfair.

    So, your life experience has taught you about the unfairness of life but you have to learn how to let go and don’t let your experience shape your view of the world. Life actually often gives us what we expect from it so stop inviting unfairness into your life. However, when it still happens, learn how to deal with the unfairness by reading this article.

    Life isn’t fair, but you can do something about it

    The unfairness of life often happens when your idea of fairness is broken and you have unrealistic expectations from life. So read on to learn what you are doing wrong and how to deal with the unfairness of life. Here are some of your expectations that are causing you to think that life isn’t fair:

    1. Relationships should be 50/50

    Your idea of fairness is something you bring into a relationship. You think that calls should always be returned and favors are things that should definitely be repaid. All in all, your efforts should always be reciprocated but the truth is that even the best healthy relationships are very rarely 50/50. So if you have the need to even every score, it could be what is making you believe that life is unfair.

    So what can you do about it? Perhaps you are creating debts in a relationship because of your assumption that you know what is going on… when you really don’t. Try gathering information about other’s intentions, motivations, or situations before you react. Describe to the person what you really want from them and explain to them how it affects you. Ask for manageable and specific changes and don’t forget to let them know how much better you will feel if they do so. Life isn’t fair, but there are things you can do to make it better.

    2. Good people deserve good things to happen to them

    We have the need to believe that the world is safe, and that is why we think that good things should happen to good people. But unfortunately, when life isn’t fair, bad stuff happens to good people and it disrupts our sense of safety. Your idea of fairness is probably based on life being predictable, and it never really is.

    So what can you do about it? You have to learn how to make peace with life being unpredictable. Research has proved that people often overestimate the negative consequences and the risks when they are dealing with the unknown but that unknown also brings us the joy of surprise and coincidence. Just think about all of the times when you had a positive experience that you didn’t plan for and find a way to make peace with the unpredictable because maybe life isn’t always fair, but you have to realize that it isn’t predictable either.

    3. There should be the same rules for everyone

    Neuroscientists say that we actually react to unfairness in the same way as we react to danger and I do mean with the fight-or-flight mode we use in those situations. But even when we are fighting for fairness for someone else, we are also motivated by our own interests and when someone gets what they don’t deserve by breaking the rules, it is threatening to us and our ability to cooperate and our ability to work together is necessary for our species’ survival.

    So what can you do about it? The best advice I can give you is actually to stay cool. Angry confrontations rarely solve conflicts. When life isn’t fair, ask yourself what rules were broken and why it is so important to you. Was it an intentional wrongdoing and is it worth your energy and time or would you feel better if you let go? Address the issue with a clear and calm mind. And after you ask yourself the questions I have mentioned, you will realize that this unfair situation isn’t really a big deal.

    Why is life so unfair?

    Imagine for a second that life was actually fair to everyone. Do you see how insane it would be? No one would be with the person who wasn’t their soulmate because they would fear a heartbreak. The only time companies would fail would be if everyone working for them were evil. And the only way relationships would end would be if both partners died simultaneously. Dark clouds would appear only over bad folks’ heads.

    Many of us think so much about how the world should work that we don’t see the way it works in reality. You have to face that reality for you to understand the world and your own potential. The thing is, when life isn’t fair, maybe you just don’t understand that it does work by the rules, just not your rules. So if you still think that life isn’t fair, check out these rules by which life actually works:

    1. Life is actually a competition

    That company you are working for? Someone is trying to make it fail. That job position you want? Someone is making a computer program that could replace you. That amazing relationship you are dreaming of? So is everyone else.

    Maybe the reason why life isn’t fair is that we are all in competition, whether we like it or not. If competition didn’t matter, we wouldn’t tell people to try harder and do their best but to instead give up. Just think about it; you get dressed up to win a partner, or you go to an interview to win a job.

    By denying that life is a competition, you are actually losing it. Life is ready to give you great things and everything you have ever dreamed of but it’s not just going to hand it to you. You have to fight for it and prove that you deserve it more than others who are also competing for it.

    2. You aren’t judged by what you think but by what you do

    When society judges people, it judges them by what they are able to do for other people. Can you save a child from a burning home? Or can you remove a tumor? Maybe you can make a group of strangers laugh? Those things have value.

    It is not how we judge ourselves because we judge ourselves by what we think. Society focuses on our actions while we focus on our thoughts. You may call yourself a good person, but that’s not the way the world sees us. It is not even the way we see others. The truth is when you have good intentions and mean well, it doesn’t really matter. An internal sense of love, honor, and duty simply don’t count.

    The big question is what exactly you can do for the world, and what you have done for the world so far. The admiration that society awards us with comes from other people’s selfish perspectives. Why do you think that a cancer researcher gets rewarded less than some supermodel? Rare abilities impact more people. It doesn’t matter if you have written an amazing book if you don’t publish it. Write something like Harry Potter and the whole world will want to know you.

    If you save one life, you may get to be the hero in your town but cure AIDS, and you will be a legend. However, it doesn’t have to be anything as significant as saving a life. Take your clothes off for one person and you will maybe get a smile but take your clothes off for the entire world and you are Kim Kardashian. What I am trying to say is that you are judged by what you can do and the number of people it impacts. If you can’t accept that, you will always think that life isn’t fair.

    3. Our self-interest is the root of what we consider to be fair

    Inventing moral authority is something everyone likes to do; that is the reason why there are referees in sports and judges in courtrooms. The thing is, we have our sense of right and wrong, and we expect the world to comply. We have been taught that by our parents and our teachers. If you behave like a good kid, you will get a treat.

    However, our reality is actually quite different. You can study hard but still fail the exam or you can work hard, but still don’t get that promotion. You can love a person but they might not return your calls. Just consider this: You like a person who doesn’t like you back. That is a whole, complete person with years and years of experience of being completely different from you. It is a real-life person who interacts with a lot of other people. So what are the odds that you are instantly their first choice for a soulmate? It might matter to you that you love that person, but their decision is actually not about you.

    In a similar way, we enjoy hating our parents, bosses, and politicians. And why? Their judgment is unfair when they don’t agree with us and they should because we know best and are the authority on everything in the world.

    Of course, there are some terrible authority figures but not all of them are as evil as we like to think. Perhaps they are just doing their best under different circumstances from our own. Maybe they have some information about why they should make an unpopular move that we don’t know about. Sometimes they have to choose long-term growth over some short-term success.

    But we always think we know best and we live in the belief that the world revolves around us. If you really want to stop thinking that life isn’t fair… you have to realize that you are only one person in a world full of people and they all want their justice as well. So to satisfy all of them is actually impossible, even for something as magical as life.

    Let me tell you one more thing: Life actually is fair, and everyone gets what they deserve; you just sometimes have to wait for it to happen. And don’t think that life isn’t fair every time someone takes your parking spot or gets in front of you when you are waiting at a bank because such little things are things you shouldn’t bother yourself with. After all, life doesn’t bother itself with it, so why should you?

    When it comes to important things like love and happiness, you will get what you deserve. You just have to be patient and go through a lot of things that you didn’t want out of life… before you get what you really need.

     

    Life Isn't Fair, But You Can Do Something About It

    About the author

    Deborah Carbone

    Hi!
    I'm a Life and Relationship Coach with 5 years experience of coaching and training. I work with overwhelmed women guiding them through all kinds of life and career transitions so that they can make big changes in their lives.
    Writing is my passion and I am here to help you through every phase of your life. I hope you'll enjoy.

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