Even happy relationships face relationship issues, but you have to take a deep breath and calm down. Care about your mental health but also about your partner’s feelings. To stay in a healthy partnership, you have to start solving relationship problems, and I will tell you about ways to solve them.
Relationship issues might give you a hard time, but you need to remember that your partner is a human being, and we all make mistakes, and so will you. Couples who are in happy relationships know how to deal with relationship problems, and conflict resolution gets them to move forward. Wouldn’t you like to be one of those couples who still hold hands?
Every relationship expert will tell you to take a deep breath and calm down before you say something that could hurt your partner’s feelings. Remember that at the end of the day it’s important not to go to bed angry. It’s important to spend enough time considering your partner’s point of view and if he considers your point of view as well, you won’t have a hard time with conflict resolution.
Women often use criticism, which causes men to turn to stonewalling or defensiveness. Defensiveness is a natural reaction to criticism, and it is when he acts like a victim. Stonewalling means shutting down or tuning out. Read more about this in our article about 15 ways to fix an unhappy relationship.
Read on to discover how to deal with relationship problems and why solving problems in a partnership is important for a healthy relationship. Use the advice of a relationship expert to move forward in your healthy relationship. Sometimes, however, it will be necessary for you to spend a certain amount of time in couples therapy. But if you are determined to find a solution for your relationship problems, you will again be that couple who hold hands.
Solving relationship problems
Every human being makes mistakes, so, at the end of the day, we all have to deal with relationship problems when we are in a romantic relationship. It’s important to spend enough time caring for your mental health and couples therapy can help. Problem-solving skills are necessary for romantic relationships so if you spend a certain amount of time applying my advice on how to solve relationship problems, but you are still having trouble with solving your issues, you should definitely try couples therapy.
You can always talk it out and never argue over text, chat or phone. What about holding hands while going through an argument? Decide how much time you are going to spend away from each other and take some space. Avoid venting to your friends or family members when you are having problems with your partner. Go for a walk together and say to each other that you’re sorry, but really mean it. Talk to your partner about how you feel but always consider his feelings as well.
These problem-solving techniques will make solving relationship issues easier. There is always a solution to relationship problems, and you owe it to your relationship to find ways to solve your problems. You should start by solving communication problems in your relationship because communication is the key to a happy partnership.
You should know what are deal-breakers to your partner and you should have your own clear deal-breakers as well. You both have to be committed to problem-solving, and you will succeed if you both put solving communication problems in your relationship at the top of your list. Read on to discover how to solve relationship problems without breaking up.
How to solve problems in a relationship
So, what do the best relationship experts say about how to solve relationship problems without breaking up? Solving problems in a relationship should start gently because you can complain, but you shouldn’t criticize, and you need to be focused on the problem, not on the person. As I already said, it’s important to stay calm, and you should also stay positive. Really listen to your partner’s needs and remember that often nobody wins, so compromise and play nice.
When you are arguing, keep in mind that the person you are arguing with is someone you care for deeply. Keep making an effort to act like you did at the beginning of your relationship when everything was great. Don’t stop having adventures and having fun because playfulness makes a happy relationship, where intimacy and courtship are nurtured.
Define your problem and solution and plan a time to talk. Share your views, talk about it and listen to what your partner has to say. Once you agree about the problem, it’s time to come up with a plan of action. Make it specific and time-limited and address each of your issues. After you try out the plan, don’t forget to evaluate, as it’s important to give each other feedback.
Research has shown that if you want to have a supportive and positive environment for your relationship, you should give each other four times more positive comments than negative ones. So, never miss a chance to say what you like about your partner.
Here is a list of the seven most common relationship problems and advice on how to solve relationship problems without breaking up.
It could be said that the root of all problems in a relationship is poor communication. So if you work on your communication, you will instantly improve your relationship. Make time to talk to each other and if you find it hard to communicate without raising your voices, go to a library, restaurant or park to talk because it will stop you from screaming at each other.
You can set up some rules which include not interrupting each other or banning certain phrases such as, “You never…” or, “You always…” Show your partner that you are really listening by using body language, so don’t look at your watch, doodle, pick at your nails or look at your phone. Nod to show that you are listening and rephrase if needed. Good communication makes solving problems in a relationship easy.
Even couples who really love each other deeply can be a mismatch when it comes to their sex life. A lack of education or sexual self-awareness makes these problems worse. But who wants to give up having sex? It is something that brings us closer together and keeps the chemistry of a happy couple healthy. Don’t avoid planning and sex doesn’t have to be at night when you are both tired; what’s wrong with a quickie on a Saturday afternoon?
The thing is that when sex is on the calendar, it can increase your anticipation. And sex is not only for the bedroom. Why not try doing it in the kitchen or in the hallway? You can come up with a sexy list – write down what truly turns you on and swap lists so you can use them to create more scenarios that turn you on. If you want to learn how to solve relationship problems when it comes to your sex life, talk openly about what turns you on and don’t be afraid to try new things and spice things up. You can always go to a sex therapist for help.
Money can become a problem even before you are married. So how to solve relationship problems when the root of it all is money? Be honest with your partner about your current financial situation and never approach that subject when you are in the middle of an argument. Money should never be a part of the fight, so you need to set aside a time that is non-threatening and convenient for both of you to talk about it. You could be in a situation where one of you is a saver, and the other one is a spender, so it’s crucial that you understand that both options have benefits and learn from each other.
You should never hide debt or your income from your partner because they should know all about your current financial situation. It’s a great idea to construct a joint budget that also includes savings, but you should allow each other some independence by setting aside money that each of you can spend at her or his discretion. You also need to decide which one of you will be in charge of paying the bills. You need to write down your short-term and long-term goals, and you are allowed to have individual goals, but you should also have family goals as well. It’s also a good idea to talk about caring for your parents as they grow older and how to appropriately plan for any financial needs they could have in the future.
The labor at home needs to be fairly divided. You could try writing down all the chores around the house and agreeing on who does what but remember to be fair to avoid resentment. Consider springing for a cleaning service if you both hate housework so much. But if one of you actually likes housework, the other one could do the laundry and take care of the yard. As long as it feels fair to both of you, you can take preferences into account and be creative.
Your relationship should be a priority to both of you if you want to start solving relationship problems. Remember how things were great at the beginning of your relationship so try acting like you were when you first started dating. Show interest in each other by showing appreciation, complimenting each other and engaging in contact throughout the day. Plan your date nights by scheduling time together on the calendar like you would for any other important event. Always use the words, “Thank you,” and, “I appreciate…” because it shows that you respect each other.
We can all agree that occasional conflict is a normal part of a relationship, but if it seems like the same bad situations are repeating all the time, it’s time to stop that toxic routine. Solving relationship problems won’t be that hard if you learn to argue in a more helpful and civil manner. You need to realize that you aren’t a victim, and you can choose how you will react. You need to be honest with yourself about whether your comments are there for resolving the conflict or you are just looking for payback.
Change the strategy if your comments are hurtful or blaming. It’s time to change things. For example, if you usually defend yourself before your partner has finished talking, try holding off from now on. You will see how even such a small change can help you when solving relationship problems. Never avoid apologizing when you are wrong because you have to give a little to get a lot. You can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can control yours.
Are there some things that are causing you not to trust your partner or do you have unresolved issues that are causing you not to trust others? If you want to develop trust, you have to be consistent and always be on time. Make your words count for something by always doing what you say you will do. Don’t fib even if it’s a little white lie.
Always be fair, even when you are arguing, and be sensitive to your loved one’s feelings. Call when you say you will and especially when you are going to be home late. Avoid overreacting when something doesn’t go the way you would like it to and never say something that you can’t take back. Keep the past in the past and don’t bring it up in an argument because old wounds need to heal. There is no need for you to be jealous. Respect the boundaries your partner sets and listen carefully when he is talking. Trust is essential for solving relationship problems.
17 ways to solve relationship problems
Solving relationship problems isn’t that hard when you are realistic and realize that your partner can’t meet all your needs. When you need something from your partner, you need to ask for it directly because what Hollywood movies teach us is just fantasy. Learn to let things go and start enjoying one another more. Don’t avoid using humor, even when in an argument, because it can lighten the mood when you are solving relationship problems.
You both need to be willing to put effort into making your relationship work and truly look at what it is that needs to be done. And don’t fool yourself into thinking that things would be better if you were with someone else because all relationships face problems from time to time and none of them are perfect. Working on your relationship means working on yourself as well, so be ready to change.
Here are some more ways to solve relationship problems, according to experts and research:
1. Make sure that you are sitting on a comfy couch
It might sound silly, but a study showed that people are more inflexible when they are sitting on a hard, wooden chair so you should be sitting on a soft-cushioned chair to be more accommodating.
2. Start with, “I,” instead of, “You.”
Couples therapists say that saying, “You,” can start the conversation as if it were an accusation. Keep your partner from feeling defensive by saying something like, “I have something that I would like to share with you.”
3. The adult time-out
Why not make a commitment to each other that you will take a break if things get too heated? Tell your partner about how much time you need. A good example is saying something like, “I feel really heated so let’s talk about this when we are in a better place, and I am going to take a ten-minute walk to cool down.”
4. Put your hand on your heart when you are in an argument
Putting your hand on your heart and looking at your partner when you are having an argument can really soften the mood because it shows that you are coming from a loving place.
5. Release anger by working out together
There are safe ways to release anger, such as running together or working out. Afterward, you can ask them about how they have been feeling.
6. Hold hands
Holding hands before you have a big talk is a great idea, and you would not believe how hard it is to raise your voice at someone who is holding your hand.
7. Your feelings can be turned into a request
For example, when you want to say to your partner that they are spending too much time on their phone, why not suggest that you have a phone-free date night?
8. Never go to bed angry
You should avoid having a big discussion right before bed. Having a serious conversation that will get you to stay awake all night thinking isn’t going to help anyone. You can always choose the time you are going to have a discussion by saying something like, “I want to talk to you about something, could we spend a few minutes together after lunch?”
9. Wait a little before responding
When there are strong feelings involved, you should have an inner dialogue with your feelings, so you don’t blow up but instead consider how to express your emotions constructively and calmly.
10. Come up with rules for arguing
Setting ground rules for arguing could forever change the way you fight. Arguments will always happen from time to time, but you can make a pact that you will always fight fairly. Maybe make up a rule that says that there will be no name-calling or threatening behavior. Sit down with your partner and have a conversation about certain actions or words that they find especially triggering.
11. The negotiation phase
The negotiation phase that happens right after the honeymoon phase is when you are determining how you are going to define yourselves as a couple and how you are going to handle conflict. It is a crucial time in your relationship when both of you are trying to figure out how to fulfill the needs of your partner while at the same time meeting yours. And there could be more arguing in this phase, but it is normal and doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t healthy.
12. Give each other nicknames
If you use your partner’s full name when addressing them, it might seem overly formal and cause more distance between you two. Lower your voice and try using an affectionate nickname that will show them that you care.
13. Notice when your fights have become toxic
Don’t be afraid to get help when you recognize the signs that your fighting has become toxic. Consider couples therapy if you are constantly arguing about the same issues and feel shut down around your significant other. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t been together that long because all couples have to learn relationship skills and the sooner, the better. The earlier you learn solving relationship problems, the earlier they will be solved and the better your relationship is likely to be.
14. Make a change by using your feelings
Your feelings are most useful when you recognize them as a signal. Let them guide you in recognizing the relationship changes that you need to make instead of just letting your feelings out.
15. Avoid venting to your friends about your partner
At least until you have made some improvement in the argument. Talking to other people about an argument that you are having with your partner will maybe make you angrier and more rigid. Wait for the issue to be close to being resolved before you discuss it with your friends.
16. Premarital therapy
Try a few sessions of premarital therapy to cover the topics of work, money, children and conflict resolution.
17. Encourage your loved one to learn more about themselves
We owe it to ourself as well as our partner to become the best version of ourself. Sometimes you have to admit that you can’t solve everything on your own and try therapy.