There is always an adorable couple in many movies that will fall in love out of the blue and live happily ever after. But does this ever happen in real life? Rarely. If you don’t know the difference between crush and love it’s easy to mistake the two. However, they are quite different.
Let’s start by defining a crush. Some people call it “chemistry”, and as much as this might be true you may wonder what this chemistry really is. It’s basically a mix of 6 brain chemicals resulting in an insane need for companionship, engagement and physical connection. It can be compared to being on intense drugs that will cloud your thinking and ability to make rational decisions.
On the other hand, true love cannot be defined. But love can be said to be what happens when you show up ready to experience and see the other person without projecting your desires or needs on them. Still wondering what is the difference between love and crush? Keep on reading to discover more.
14 Ways You Can Tell The Difference Between Crush And Love
A crush elicits strong attraction to the point of infatuation and it doesn’t last long. You’ll choose your crush based on their physical appearance or even a particular behavior in them you admire. Love is an emotion. It elicits strong personal attachment or affection towards another person. It is also unconditional which is why it still stands no matter how faulty or perfect the object of desire is. Philosophers have called it a virtue which is why acts of compassion, kindness, and affection towards others can be termed as love.
Is it a crush or love? A crush is about the physical attributes of the person. A perfect physique, height, their smile, the eyes, fame or even size. When it’s love you fall for the whole package, which means you will love the person for who they are and not necessarily how they look.
If you find yourself working really hard to impress the other person then it isn’t a question of crush vs love. It is definitely a crush. You want to sell this “perfect” version where you are always dressed up and even do things you normally wouldn’t. Because perfection is not sustainable you’ll also find yourself lying a lot. For a crush, there is nothing spared when it comes to impressing them. On the other hand, there is no need for pretense in love. You approach your beloved from a point of genuineness where you unpack everything and say “this is who I am, take it or leave it.”
The kind of conversations you have can also highlight the difference between crush and love. In a crush, the conversations rotate around sweet nothings mostly. The discussions are shallow as well and that is one of the reasons why they tend to fizzle and die quickly.. You can talk about real things with someone you are in love with. Deep talks allow you to connect and find true intimacy. Consequently, you will discover common interest and hold discussions where you have opposing views without going off on each other. Love is patient and this allows you to communicate your true feelings and opinions without fear of being judged or rejected by the other party. With this in mind, you won’t be wondering what is the difference between love and crush?
You tend to crash and burn in a crush because you have this sense of urgency in doing everything. It is to be expected because you’ll be lost in the excitement. It makes it hard for you to remain still and everything will be done in a hurry. It is the opposite when it is love. You will keep your cool and take your time. It allows time to grow and build from one simple step to the other. Brick by brick, love will build a plan for the future which doesn’t have to be rushed because you’ll finally get there.
Another difference between crush and love is that you’ll actually be able to see what you are attracted to in a crush. Everyone has a fairy tale feeling in a crush. In love, you will like what you see. It is the real fairy tale because you get to share your adversities, sorrows, happenings, and joys freely with the one you love.
A crush is perfection-personified. However, perfection is all about your perceptions. Your crush will be perfect in your eyes in every way. It isn’t the case with love because you will accept that no one is perfect hence learn to embrace the imperfections in your significant other. These imperfections define your relationship, and that’s why you need to learn to live with them.
The feelings involved can help unpack the difference between crush and love. A crush is basically an obsession. You will live, breath and think about your crush every passing second. It’s like being high on a drug you don’t want to get off. But just like with drugs, the more you have the more you will need and at some point it will all come tumbling down and the high you feel will be in equal measure to the low. However, you aren’t obsessed with love. You see things clearly and that brings you peace.
You may be crushing on a lot of people at the same time. Characters you see in movies, someone you saw at the carnivore or the guy from your office. However, you won’t be in love with everyone you are attracted to. The feeling of love develops slowly, and sometimes unexpectedly until you have that moment of truth where you realize that you are actually in love with the said person. However, it won’t make you want to run and hide.
Another marker to know whether it is a crush or love is the feeling of “it’s us against the world” in a crush where you even forget the other people in your life. That’s why when it ends a lot of people realize they have pushed away all their loved ones. There is no way to be with a crush without choking your social life. However, love will bring the two of your closer and still make room for the other significant relationships in your life. Love will win over your family and friends and they will definitely support your relationship. If whatever you have with the other person is being questioned by everyone else in your life then it may not be love. Instead of fighting with them about it, take a step back and observe. It’s likely to be a crush.
Am I in love or is it just a crush? It is easy to answer this if you can’t wait to have sex with the other party. This is another way to know if its a crush or love. Remember that a crush is all about the physical and nothing more. That’s why you’ll be in a hurry to get all handsy. However, you don’t have to prove anything when you are in love. There won’t be games or manipulation to get someone to sleep with you because it will happen in time.
You can’t stand to have a confrontation with your crush which is why the thought of a disagreement will have you scared. This is one of the points that stand out when determining the difference between crush and love. A confrontation will probably mean the end of the affair and because you are not ready to let go you’ll choose avoidance. Nonetheless, love appreciates that you won’t agree all the time. Disagreements and arguments don’t mean the end of the relationship when you are in love. You’ll correct and critic each other with love and find a way to grow and become closer.
You will be dying to tell people about your intimate details if you have a crush. However, in love, you’ll want to protect what the two of you have hence the need to keep things private. You won’t be repeating any of the things you do or say to the one you love to other people.
Jealous and insecurity are the hallmarks of a crush. You’ll find yourself going to the deep end in case your crush is taking long to reply to your messages or you can’t reach them easily. Everyone seems to be a threat to your “love.” When you are actually in love there is trust, peace, and security. Whether you can or cannot see or communicate with the other person you won’t be worried. Love also makes you feel safe.
Crush Vs Love
The intensity of the feeling is what will tell you whether you have a crush or you love the person. In appearance, you can enjoy and experience both just intensely, but a crush can only last for so long. People are more inclined to do things for love more than for a crush. So, is it a crush or love? Look at the sacrifices you are making and you’ll answer that correctly.
If you find yourself wondering whether it is crush or love remember that a crush will consume you fast because it is short-lived and makes people impulsive. The attraction can get so strong to the point where you will be devouring details about the other party. However, love is patient and you will enjoy instead of being consumed by it.
The onset of a crush is mainly as a result of an intense feeling of appreciation for specific traits like intelligence, power or looks. You can recognize them even without spending time with the other party. If you have created a perfect partner in your mind who has such traits then you can’t help but be infatuated by the person. In the case of love, it will catch you by surprise and the person you end up falling in love with may be the exact opposite of the perfect partner you were consciously attracted to.
A crush will pass. Most of them won’t last for more than three months. Also, people can have a crush even when they are in a serious relationship. This is why acting on impulses is highly discouraged. Just wait for the feelings to pass, they always do, so that you can go back to normal. Love is more than an attraction and you will want to be with the person all the time.
You like the physical attributes about your crush before you get to know their personality. There is a high chance that once you know more about who they are and their character these feelings will fade. The bubble will burst and all you’ll be able to think about are their flaws. In love, as time passes you learn more about the person you love and the bond grows stronger. You will be thinking of all kinds of reasons why you want to be with the other person.
Falling in love isn’t a guarantee that the other person will love you back though, and in the crush vs love debate, this should be kept in mind. This is why some people even drag the feeling along for decades. Even if love is one-sided you will never tire of doing favors for the person. Some people even get into friend circles of those they love just to be close to them. There is that sense of letting go in love that a crush will never awaken. A crush is selected based on your personal taste and you wouldn’t change in the long-term to accommodate that. However, love can actually change someone for the better or to align with the needs and wants of your beloved.
Is it a crush or love? By now you should be able to tell the difference between crush and love. Also, note that you can end up falling in love with your crush over time, though it doesn’t happen often. Nonetheless, love is lost if the decisions a person makes are based on the future or the past. You need to be present to experience love. It isn’t something you’ll gain in the future.
The waves of your desires can lead you to wondrous and mysterious places if you let them. Some you may like, others will be painful but isn’t that what living is all about! When you focus on the joy of discovering, even what you don’t like will be an opportunity for growth. Thus, whether it is love or a crush, honor yourself always and keep your eyes open all through the experience. It may turn out to be exciting and even surpass your wildest dreams.