Relationships

Screw The Spark — Here’s What I Want In A Guy

Written by Chloe M.

Some women spend most of their lives searching for a Prince Charming and a fairy tale romance, but I’m not that girl. I’ve never really given much of a crap about a white knight who can whisk me away into the sunset. In fact, the thought of it is about as appealing to me as a visit to my gynecologist. What I want in a guy is vastly different, and it has nothing to do with that elusive spark everyone seems to be chasing. Screw the spark — it tells you nothing about long-term potential. If a guy wants to me to feel real chemistry between us, he needs to possess these qualities first:

1. GENUINE KINDNESS.
I’ve met plenty of guys I’ve sparked with that were hard to rip myself away from even though they treated me like crap. I got caught up in the chemistry and my logic went straight out the window. I realize now it’s more important to be with someone who’s genuinely kind than with someone who makes me quiver between my legs. Being treated well is going to take me further in life than lust ever will.

2. STABILITY.
If a guy doesn’t have his act together, it’s unlikely I’m going to feel attracted to him in the first place, but I’ve only drawn that conclusion because I’ve learned from my past. I’ve dated and even loved guys who made my heart feel so happy, but they dragged me down into the trenches with them because they just couldn’t figure their lives out. Never again.

3. EMOTIONALLY SUPPORT.
A guy who supports me emotionally will far surpass a guy who makes me feel weak in the knees. The spark isn’t always helpful in times of genuine distress, and it’s more important to me to have a guy by my side who will hug me when I’m down and out and lend his shoulder for me to lean on. When a guy shows me he genuinely cares about me, that’s when I start truly trusting my heart to him and that’s when I begin to fall — not because of some mythical initial chemistry.

4. SOME ACTUAL MANNERS.
If a guy wants to seriously impress me and make my lady parts tingle, he needs to be a decent human being first. I’ve dated bad boys who I had insane chemistry with, but they were also rude AF and I don’t have time for it anymore. The way I’ll spark with a guy these days is when he actually texts me back within a reasonable time and when he says thank you when I’ve done something thoughtful for him. The spark doesn’t absolve a guy from his manners.

5. RELIABILITY.
I’m sick of dating guys who bail on plans and are just all around flaky to try to spend time with. I don’t give a crap how attracted to him I am — if he’s a jerk, he’s a jerk. Period.

6. AN OPEN HEART.
I want a guy who actually knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to voice it. It’s refreshing when a guy can tell you honestly that he’s looking for something long-lasting and real, but it’s also painfully rare. An open heart is as hard to come by as the spark most people chase, but I see more value in chasing honest affections than an initial feeling that can easily fizzle out quickly.

7. GENEROSITY.
It’s important to me to be with a guy who’s actually generous and isn’t all about taking all he can get instead of giving. Relationships and love are a two-way street and if he’s not putting in what I am, he can get the hell out. No insane amount of spark will ever keep me tied to a guy who isn’t good to me in return.

8. A PASSION FOR LIFE.
I’ve sparked with guys who were actually dull as crap in life. Now, I need a guy who has a genuine zest for life before I can actually be completely attracted to him. For me, the spark isn’t something that happens right off the bat and it’s not what I base the potential on. To me, the spark is something that develops with a guy over time because he proves to be a good and honest man who makes every day a day I’m grateful to be his.

9. PRIDE IN MAKING PEOPLE SMILE.
There’s nothing hotter than a guy who actually enjoys putting a smile on everyone’s faces. Sure, a guy can make me smile by making me feel a certain spark, but it’s not what’s going to keep a smile on my face later down the road. The guy I want needs to be an all-around good soul, and no amount of spark proves that he’s worth the long haul. There are a lot of guys out there who I might feel a spark with, but logic is always going to take over because I’ve grown and I’ve learned. The spark isn’t nearly as important as being with a guy who’s completely amazing on all levels. Screw the spark — I’d rather have a good guy.

By Andrea Wesley for Bolde

About the author

Chloe M.

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