If you’re a compassionate, loving, and forgiving person, then you’re a perfect target for becoming a narcissistic supply. Yet, if you’re willing enough, you can turn these “weaknesses” into your strengths and successfully outsmart the narcissist when they no longer have control over your emotions.
A narcissistic person gains importance by eliciting reactions from you, and that’s usually anger or sadness. What they actually want in a relationship is to have control over you and to do that, they make you lose your control over your emotions and behavior.
Dating a narcissist is definitely not one of the best relationships you can ever have. Such relationship is poor, tiring, and it can often be painful. Dating a narcissistic person means being with someone who craves your admiration and praise.
It means dating a person who feels entitled to your attention and thinks they have the right and power to influence your thoughts and reactions to them, the relationship, and life, in general.
It means dating a person with whom the only thing you have in common is that you’re both in love with the same person – themselves.
That being said, let’s see what you can do to outsmart your narcissistic partner so as to survive the relationship and save yourself from getting hurt. However, remember that you can never change or “fix” a narcissist.
No matter how bad you want and how hard you try, you can’t change the mindset of a narcissist. And the reason is simple: These people don’t see a problem with their behavior and the way they treat others. In their opinion – they’re the best. They’re perfect.
So, don’t waste your time and energy in vain trying to make them change their opinions, attitudes, and behavior. You have absolutely no control over that. The only person who can “fix” them is themselves. But, what you do have control over is how you react to their words and actions.
Here are two ways in which you can effectively outsmart a narcissist:
Stop reacting to their emotional outbursts. Ignore their drama.
The narcissist can see your tears, vulnerable sides, emotional meltdowns, and the way you react to their behavior. And they see all these emotions as love. They feed off your emotions because they’re simply incapable of producing their own.
The narcissist can act like a poor, hurt puppy just to get your attention and love. They can complain to you that you don’t love them anymore and they’ll keep asking you what they can do to make you love them again.
You should start seeing your narcissistic partner the way they are. You should stop being impressed by their great stories, grandiose promises, and sweet words. You should stop complimenting and flattering them. You should stop feeding their ego.
Stop pleasing them and meeting their expectations. Tell them no when they ask you to do something that they can easily do by themselves. Call them out on their bullsh*t when they say or do something that hurts your feelings or when they don’t keep their promises.
This will undoubtedly throw the narcissist off balance. They’ll then, most probably, try to find another victim because they don’t get enough narcissistic supply. And if they don’t find another prey, they’ll come to you all charming and loving apologizing to you and begging you to give them another chance.
They can come up with plenty of reasons why they’re hurt by your actions and they can repeat a thousand times how “sorry” they are. But, nothing of this is sincere and nothing of this comes from the bottom of their heart. All this is just a part of their plan to lure you back into their life.
So, make sure you don’t fall for their tricks and allow them to make everything about them and play the victim role.
This method is diametrically opposed to the first one. In other words, you should give them the narcissistic supply they need. Praise them. Admire them. Tell them how beautiful, smart, talented, and capable they are.
Tell them how much you admire and how proud you are of their successes. Shower them with compliments and sweet words. Feed their ego.
Do all this while planning your escape in silence, and then bid them farewell when they expect it the least.
I know this method is most likely the most difficult and dangerous for you because it’s in our nature to love, care about, and respect our partner. We want to be honest with them and base our relationship on mutual trust and respect.
And by pretending that you admire them, you’re only going against your moral beliefs and principles. You’re going against yourself. You become a manipulator. A liar. A phony. And this can be greatly damaging to your mental and emotional well-being.
That being said, I think the best solution is to get your life together, leave the narcissist and give them time to heal, and find your sense of self again.