Yeah, the guy who’s always keeping you in relationship limbo is a jerk, but if you’re putting up with his behavior, aren’t you partly to blame? Here are 11 signs that you’re letting him take over and keep you stuck, instead of remembering that you hold all the choices in your hands.

1. YOU’RE REVOLVING YOUR LIFE AROUND HIM.
You always keep some time in your schedule free in case he shows up or wants to see you. The sad thing is that you’re letting those chunks of free time go down the drain. You can do better than waiting with a face full of makeup on for the guy to come around.

2. YOU’RE HOPING HE’LL CHANGE.
You’re keeping him around because you’re hoping that he’ll change and become better, less afraid of commitment, or more into you. It takes a lot of energy to try to will someone to change and it never works. He’s a grown man—you shouldn’t have to try to fix him.

3. YOU’RE NOT DATING ANYONE ELSE.
You’re keeping yourself single in the hopes of him telling you that he loves you and wants to be official. The sad thing is that you could be missing out on much better opportunities. If he hasn’t asked you out by now, he probably won’t. What’s he waiting for?

4. YOU’RE SEEING YOURSELF AS A VICTIM.
You sometimes slip into the “poor me” way of thinking, like on a Saturday night when he’s let you down again. But you’re the one choosing to spend your life in this way, not him. No matter what he does to you, you get to decide how you deal with it.

5. YOU’RE LEAVING YOUR FUTURE IN HIS HANDS.
You really don’t have to let him determine your destiny. You’re too amazing to make yourself so small! Even if you’re afraid of what life will be like without him, the important thing is not to allow someone else to keep you stuck. Just think: he’s out there living it up and creating his own future without you in it. You should be doing the same, creating a life you want. He’s not in it but that’s his loss.

6. YOU’RE NOT TAKING A STAND.
You accept a lot of his bad behavior, like when he stands you up or doesn’t talk to you for days. You try to deal with your disappointment instead of taking a stand and telling him off. If you’re not confronting him and setting some boundaries, you can’t really blame him for taking advantage of you because you’re allowing it to happen over and over again.

7. YOU HAVEN’T SET YOURSELF A DEADLINE.
If you find yourself waiting around for a guy to choose you, the best thing you can do is set yourself a deadline by which you have to move on and cut your losses. Don’t make it too far into the future, otherwise, you’re giving yourself permission to remain stuck in your life. Once you’ve set the deadline to move on by a certain date if he doesn’t DTR, stick to it. It’s about self-preservation.

8. YOU’RE GOING WITH THE FLOW.
One of the worst things you can do with a guy who’s keeping you in dating limbo is to go with the flow. You’re basically letting life happen to you instead of directing its flow so that you get what you want. Even worse, you’re letting him determine the speed and depth of the current. Ugh. You know what they say: only dead fish go with the flow. You’re not a dead fish!

9. YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM A LOT.
Your friends know him inside-out because of how much you’ve been talking about him. The guy should have his own Wikipedia page by now, written by you. It’s great to be able to vent about what he’s doing to you, but all that talk can be hiding a truth that’s difficult to face:

10. YOU NEVER MAKE A DECISION.
While you’re talking about the guy so much, you’re not actually making a decision. You’re deciding to remain stuck, waiting for him to come around. That’s not what he’s doing to you with his mixed messages—you’re choosing to do that in response to his behavior and you don’t have to give him that power.

11. YOU’RE LETTING HIM DETERMINE YOUR HAPPINESS.
You should never let anyone hold your happiness in the balance. You’re the only one responsible for it and you can be happy no matter what the guy’s doing to you. That’s the important thing to remember. There’s a world of happiness for you and you just have to want it. If he’s not making your happiness a priority, that says a lot about where he’s at. You deserve someone who wants you to be happy and goes out of his way to bring a smile to your face. Anything less isn’t worth your time. Time to move on.

By Giulia Simolo for Bolde

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