It can be alarming when you’re in a relationship that you think is going really well, your partner loves you and you love them, then suddenly the relationship is suddenly over and you’re left feeling sad, confused, and alone.
If your partner loved you, why would they leave you?
Relationships are difficult to navigate at times, and there’s often a lot going on under the surface.
Not all partners—men especially—are comfortable voicing their apprehensions or things that bother them about the relationship.
While the break-up might feel sudden for you, it is typically anything but for them.
Even if your partner genuinely loves and cares about you, that’s no enough when it comes to building a lasting relationship.
Here are 3 reasons why people leave the person they love:
1. They don’t feel respected.
There’s something to be said about the “nagging wife” trope that is so often the butt of many jokes.
While it has turned into a cultural joke,
If your partner feels like you don’t respect them and are constantly being undermining their choices, opinions, or actions…
then it’s likely that they will end the relationship.
It can be as simple as you might ask where they want to go to dinner and always tell them that their suggestions are awful.
Or asking them to do a favor but commenting and nit-picking everything they did that was different or “wrong” compared to how you might do it.
It is especially disrespectful if these criticisms are done in public or in front of friends and family.
Everyone deserves to be respected and everyone wants to feel like their opinions and actions matter.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t voice your own opinions, frustrations, or feedback.
You just shouldn’t mute your voice in order for your partner to feel respected.
What it means is acknowledging their input, their opinion, and the things they do—especially if they do it for you.
If you ask them where they want to go for dinner but you don’t like their choice, consider a compromise.
Tell them, “We’ll go to your pick tonight, and I’ll pick the next one.”
If you ask them to do something and it wasn’t done exactly how you wanted, still thank them for their effort.
Perhaps then offer to show them how to do it so that next time they can do better.
And, while you don’t want to mute your own opinions, you also want to respect your partner by communicating differences, disagreements, and constructive criticism to a time that is private.
It can be very embarrassing to have your partner criticize you and what you’ve done in front of people—even family.
2. They don’t feel emotionally supported
Being vulnerable is difficult for anyone.
It’s hard to let someone in and show them all your weaknesses and flaws.
Vulnerability means the opportunity for pain.
If your partner doesn’t feel like you support them emotionally, it’s less likely that they will allow themselves to be vulnerable with you.
Or even to continue to be vulnerable and thus will end the relationship.
People often will test the waters before making a choice to end the relationship this way.
They might open up a little bit, expose a character flaw or a weakness that they might have and see how you respond to it.
If you make fun of it, criticize it, or just ignore it altogether they might feel like you don’t support them.
And might feel that you just can’t provide the emotional support or acceptance that they need.
Like when they’re feeling low, have made a mistake, and/or are just themselves.
What you can do to show you’re supportive is to listen to them, and offer a comment or condolences.
But don’t feel like you have to go over the top with making them feel better or that everything is okay.
Most of the time, people feel supported if they feel heard.
3. They feel inadequate
It happens to most of us at one time or another.
Especially when things just don’t seem to be going right and life feels like a runaway snowball…
…accumulating more and more troubles as it rolls along without control.
Whether it’s a new relationship or a long-term one, when you don’t feel like you’re in control of your life and nothing you do seems to work you can feel very inadequate about yourself and what you bring to that relationship.
When your partner is feeling inadequate, it’s not a commentary about you.
You should never feel like you have to tone yourself down to be “less intimidating,” because that’s not fair to you.
Just know, that being with someone who has their life together when yours is spiraling out can feel like a lot of pressure..
..and they might need space from the relationship.
You can’t fix their feelings of inadequacy.
What you can do is show them appreciation.
Let them know all the wonderful things they do contribute to your life and relationship.
Sometimes providing a bit of perspective is all they need to know that what they do does matter and has a positive impact on you.
It’s difficult to know when your partner might be feeling any of these emotions or thought processes.
They might start to act a little withdrawn or not as forthcoming as they once were.
Being respectful, supportive, and appreciative will make a positive impact in your relationship so that your loving partner won’t leave you, the person they love, again.