It always goes like this. Boy meets girl, whether it’s IRL, in the DM or a match on a dating app and things go fetchingly well. Days go by, and maybe you guys met up, or maybe not, and suddenly, the texts start to decrease in both quantity and quality. In the end, he just stops responding and you decide, screw it, and unadd him on everything. You’re bummed because you know you did literally nothing wrong to this guy. Everyone says it’s him, not you, but a small part of you is hurt by being ghosted, and that slowly builds with each time this happens.

Out of nowhere, after you’ve moved on, he texts you again, with a simple hey. It’s almost as if he never ghosted you to begin with! I’m the person to always give second chances, and most of the time when I do, they show me why they didn’t deserve a second chance to begin with by repeating the same behaviors of the past. Some of us are smarter and call the guys out for their actions, or better yet, just ignore them as they ignored you.

After this happened to me multiple times this summer, I’ve wondered why; what’s the psychology behind ghosting and why can’t guys just be honest with a girl? It’s the least they owe us. This behavior is so beyond childish and I’m so sick of it. How can you just drop a girl who’s clearly into you, and then magically regain feelings months later when she’s totally moved on from you?

It’s hard to not care, I care about everyone and everything, even after they betray me somehow. It’s good to care, it shows that I’m human, and you’re human too. We shouldn’t be ashamed to feel bad, but we shouldn’t linger on it. We’re stronger than we think we are.

I’m tired of watching myself get slowly ghosted, it’s mentally draining and I don’t deserve it and neither does the next girl. I don’t understand how communication got so bad between guys and girls. A guy can’t handle when a girl dishes what he gave to her back. They unfollow you and treat you like you’re the bitch in the situation. Maybe I am a bitch for treating you like you treated me, but I just simply don’t care anymore.

Why guys are so fickle with their feelings boggles my mind. I don’t get how you can be so interested in a girl just to change your mind a few weeks or even days later. I know I’m an open person but I’ve really reigned back on how much I’ve ever open up anymore. My standards are high and I’m picky with everything in life, particularly men now more than ever.

I won’t settle for a guy who ghosted me three times because he’s “sorry” and knows I’d go back to him without a second thought. There is a guy out there who’s not going to ghost me and he’s going to be the one keeping convos flowing and wanting to learn things about me that matter, like what I love for breakfast instead of what I’m doing at 3 am on a Saturday.

Let’s get something straight. You’ll always end up with a girl who seems great but isn’t into you because you’re ghosting everyone who is because you think there’s always someone better out there. Chances are, months from now, you probably have realized this. It’s a pity. She will take a lot of groveling and persuasion to ever look your way again. Maybe she’ll give you a shot, but she more than likely won’t, because she’s a little stronger now.

You’re old news and will continue to be old news if you keep treating girls like this. Ask your sister, or your best friend who happens to be a girl, how they’d feel if someone did this to them.

My hope is that guys grow out of this ghosting phase and start being real, whether it may hurt a girl or not. We’d rather be hurt than lead on, because that hurts longer and deeper.

By Briana Gagnon for Odyssey