Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t always like what I see. I have to be honest with you about that. I’m not always happy whenever I take a long hard look at my life and the person that I’ve become. I’m the kind of girl who reads too much into things. I blow things out of proportion. I also have a tendency to really focus on things that shouldn’t really warrant my attention. I can try to manufacture drama out of things that shouldn’t really matter. And on that front, I can be incredibly childish and immature. I know that I do a lot of things that I shouldn’t be proud of; things that you wouldn’t be proud of either.
I know that I can be an idiot sometimes – but I’m still hoping that even if you see all of these things in me as well, you can still love me. I hope that you can acknowledge these flaws in my personality and still choose to stay with me. I know that I can be a hypocrite sometimes. There are moments wherein I see myself just being a complete and utter demon. It’s like I have an out-of-body experience wherein I’m looking down on myself; and I’m judging everything that I’m doing. I can sometimes be a person that I have difficulty respecting. I am my biggest critic – and that’s warranted.
There are plenty of things about me that warrant criticism. I’m not always going to be on my best behavior. And I know that even when I’m at my best, I’m going to be far from perfect. But I still hope that you can give me that perfect love – the kind of love that I know I’m undeserving of. I hope that you would still choose to stay and love me regardless of my personal shortcomings. Because after all, isn’t that what true love is supposed to be? Unconditional? I know that I can really be a handful most of the time. It’s not something that I’m proud of. It’s important to me that you know that.
But there are times wherein I just feel too weak and I lose control of my senses. I do things that I would think to be out of character. I do things that I regret even as I’m doing them. I say the nastiest things even when I know the kind of effect that my words can have on other people. I am lazy with how I deal with my problems. I let other people pick up the slack for my own ineptitude. I stir the pot and make a mess of other peoples’ lives just because I’m bored. I might not do these things a lot; but still, I have my occasional weak moments. And in those moments, I need you to still be there for me.
I need you to still look me in the eyes and tell me that even though you’re not proud of what I did, you still love me the same. I need you to just hug me and tell me that you’re still going to be there when I wake up in the morning; to tell me that you love me and that you believe that I can be better; that I can do better. There are times wherein I can be tactless. I know that. There are moments wherein I can be such a slob. I am very much aware of that. I know I need to gain better control of my behavior. I know that I need to get my life together. I know that I need some structure, guidance, and direction –
and these are all things that I need you to help me with as well. I don’t need you to love me to the point that you choose to accept my faults. I need you to love me to the point that you push me to be a better human being. Because isn’t that also what love should be about? Shouldn’t loving relationships be about two people who are trying to enrich one another’s lives? I know that my life is in need of much enriching – and I also know that you are the person for the job.
I need you to promise me that you’re never going to judge me until you know the full story. I need you to promise me when I say that I’m never going to lie to you; that I’m always going to try my best to be upfront with you about everything. I need you to promise me that every time you look at me, you won’t block anything out. I need you to look at me and see me for who I really am – with all my dark spots and imperfections included. And I need you to love me the same.