She acts like she doesn’t mind it when you take hours to answer her texts or when you cancel plans after she already shaved her skin smooth.

She pretends that she has it all together emotionally, that she has other things to worry about, that you’re incapable of pulling her heartstrings until they unravel.

 

It’s because she doesn’t want to appear weak. Dependent. Clingy. Desperate.

But the act isn’t for you. Sure, she wants to impress you. She wants you to think highly of her. She wants you to view her as a powerful woman that’s worthy of your time and your love.

But mostly, that act is for her own benefit. She doesn’t want to believe that she needs you. She doesn’t want to admit that some boy has the power to make her crumple into a heap on her bed.

She wants to think that she’s stronger than that. That she’s stronger than the pull of love.

She acts like it doesn’t matter whether or not she ends up with you, because she’s trying to fool herself into believing it’s the truth. That she could exist without you. That you’re just another boy. Not the boy. Not the one. Just another one.

It’s easier to pretend that you mean nothing to her than to admit that you mean everything.

So she puts on a mask and she pretends that she doesn’t care about you, because really, what else is she supposed to do? Is she supposed to call you up, struggling through the tears, because you posted a picture with another girl and she’s worried you’re going to choose her instead?

Is she supposed to blurt out that she thinks she’s falling in love with you, even though you aren’t officially together yet? Is she supposed to allow you to hijack her entire world?

 

No. That’s not the type of girl she is. She would never let her self-esteem rest on on another. She would never let someone else determine how confident she is, how well her life is going, whether she’s happy with herself.

Because she is happy with herself — whether you like her or not. Whether you text her back or not. Whether you realize her worth or not. So why should she waste her time imagining the other girls you could be kissing? The smiles you could be aiming toward someone else?

There’s no sense in it. None.

So if she feels like you don’t care, because of the abundance of mixed signals and unanswered texts, then she’s going to act like she doesn’t care, either. Because she’s sick of one-sided love. She’s tired of putting in effort that isn’t going to be reciprocated. She’s done doing more than her fair share.

So, if you want her, make it clear that you actually give a damn. Because that’s the only way that she’s going to drop her emotional shield. It’s the only way she’ll ever let the truth out.

And the truth is that she cares. She cares so fucking much it hurts.

By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog

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