Should you really fight to keep your man? Some women believe you should, even if that means degrading yourself or settling for living with someone who has no respect for you and your feelings. I feel the opposite. I believe that we are all individuals with our own paths to face and follow. I have learned that fighting for a man to stay with you is never worth the effort put into it. It makes women look like fools and it makes us all seem dependent.

Instead of fighting for a man who does not want to be with you or one that does things to hurt you, why not just let him go? Where is the harm in letting go of all the hurt, humiliation, and stress that comes from being in a relationship with him? What right does he have to take away your dignity and turn you into a jealous crazed maniac? He doesn’t have that right, but you do have the right to move on.

There are many reasons why you shouldn’t bother fighting to keep your man. The most obvious one is that it is his choice to do what he wants. You and I might not agree with his choice and we may think that he is a schmuck for making that choice, but we can’t stop an adult from making a bad choice. Instead, let him make his bad choices. It is his loss, not yours.

12. It’s too late

Some relationships start off perfect and slowly begin to fall apart as the two people get to know each other a little better. We never show all our faults up front in a new relationship, but those faults do begin to bleed through the happy facade about 3 months in. When that happens, what was once a great relationship begins to crumble. Your heart aches and wants what the two of you had at the beginning, but you fail to remember that the early stuff wasn’t real. It was just fluff.

You can’t fight for what used to be and for what was just the early romance fluff that occurs in every new relationship. You simply cannot get that back. If after a few weeks or a few months, you find that the dream relationship is actually a nightmare, you have to let go. Don’t fight the obvious. Instead, know that there is someone else out there that is better for you.

11. If You Love Someone, Set Them Free

You have surely heard the saying that if you love someone you should set them free. Clinging and holding onto someone for dear life is not happiness or love. It is imprisonment. If the man you love wants to leave you for whatever reason, you have to find it within yourself to let him go. Completely.

If he is having a personal crisis and feels that he needs to find himself or redefine his life, he will want to do it alone. He doesn’t want you fighting for his attention. He is letting you go because he cares enough about you to not drag you through this and you should care enough about him to let go of your grip.

Sometimes relationships end because a person finds that he is on the wrong path or because he feels that there is something else out there calling for him. It is a solitary journey of self discovery. You have no right to intervene or fight for him to stay with you.

10. You Don’t Need The Stress

Prolonged stress is bad for your health, so why put yourself through that hell just to keep hold of a man? You don’t need the extra stress in your life and you sure as heck don’t need any added health problems caused by it. There are times when you just need to let him go. For instance, if he is battling a drug addiction. He may say that he wants to quit, but he doesn’t stick with rehab and he always finds a reason and a way to stay on drugs. You can only give so much, fight for so long, before you have to walk away. It is truly his battle to fight and you cannot force him to get over his addiction unless it is something that he truly wants to do.

Having a family member battle a heroin addiction, I learned that you cannot force someone to change. While we are all fortunate that he did beat the addiction, it took years for him to overcome it. Many of us had to walk away from him as he faced his own demons because of all the stress, drama, and even danger associated with his addiction. Don’t be a martyr. Let go and let him find his way.

9. It Will Scare Off Your Friends

You caught him cheating on you red handed. To put it mildly, you are a mess. You turn to your friends for advice and comfort. They are all too willing to help you out the first, second, and third time you come to them. After that, your friends start to get annoyed. You are stressful to be around and you haven’t figured out that you need to let your boyfriend go instead of fighting for his monogamy. I mean, he cheated on you. What are you fighting for?

Instead of risking the loss of your good friends, start listening to their advice and follow through with it. They will no doubt tell you to let him go or kick him to the curb. They have probably been in your shoes before and know intimately how you feel. On the other hand, you really do have to move on or risk being labelled a drama queen.

8. It Wastes Valuable Time

When you feel that you are in a position where you have to fight to keep your man, take a time out first. Do you realize just how much time you are going to waste trying to keep him or get him back? It is going to be more than just a few hours or just a few days. In fact, you can just plan on spending the rest of your days with him in a constant battle. Neither one of you will be happy and neither of you will get any of your side projects finished. You can throw any long term goals right out the window.

Now imagine what you could accomplish if you just let him go. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions. If he wants to go, let him go. Now you have all of this new found free time. You can finally focus on your goals and your personal needs.

7. You Look Needy

He has been honest with you. He doesn’t feel that the relationship with you is working out and he is interested in another person. The right thing for you to do is accept that the relationship is over and to let him go peacefully, but you are so blinded by hurt that you can’t let go. Instead, you beg him to stay with you and to give you one last chance. You pull on his every heart string and guilt him into remaining in the relationship with you. He is not happy and you are an absolute mess. To the outside world, you look desperate and needy.

The more you feel like you are failing in the relationship, the harder you cling. Eventually he will leave you or make a quick run from you, trying to cut off every tie he has with you. You should have just let him go when he asked for it.

6. There Will Never Be Trust

If you have to constantly fight for someone’s love and affection, how can you ever trust that person? I mean, if he isn’t already giving you the love and faithfulness you want in a relationship, is fighting for those traits something you want to do for the rest of your life?

In a new relationship, trust grows. It is given and it is earned. When that trust is betrayed and you suddenly find yourself in an epic battle to keep your man by your side, how can you trust him to stay with you through life’s thick and thins?

When the trust is betrayed in a relationship, it is very difficult to ever truly get it back. It takes work by both people to rebuild trust, and even then there will always be that nagging doubt in the dark recesses of the mind. Why stick around after the trust is broken when you can start fresh and new with someone else?

5. He Is Not Your Soulmate

A soulmate is another person who you can trust completely. He loves you back just as hard as you love him. He is there for you, understands you, and would do anything in his power to make you feel good. A soulmate is a person you meet and within that first moment you feel like you have known him forever. He doesn’t need you to fight for his love and he certainly doesn’t need you to prove anything to him.

When you are in a relationship where you feel that you have to constantly fight for your man’s love, fight for his attention, and fight other people in defending him, you are not in a healthy relationship. You are in a personal hell that only you can break free of. Let go if you are miserable, knowing full well that your soulmate is out there and that you can find him.

4. You Could Get Into Serious Trouble

You think your man is flirting with his co-worker and all you are seeing right now is red. You are so pissed, your eyes could light up a blazing fire with a single glance. You are not only supremely ticked off, but now you are determined to find out if there really is something going on between your man and his co-worker. You get in your car and, instead of going after the possible cheater, you go after her. You start stalking her, following her in your car. You humor the idea of hiring a private detective, but you would rather catch your man in the act yourself. You manage to get a hold of her phone number, too. And you start to call her up. At first you hang up on her when she answers, but then you start texting her ugly messages. Things are quickly escalating and then the police show up at your home. You have gone way too far.

The moral of the story is that no man is worth going to prison for. He is simply not worth it.

3. He Will Start To Hate You

The relationship has been a total struggle right from the start. You insist that he do the things you want him to do and things that you feel are important in a relationship. He doesn’t feel the same way as you do, but he also doesn’t want to spend the next week fighting over it so he gives in to your wants. Over and over again this happens and slowly but surely he will secretly start to hate you.

You can’t mold a person into the perfect partner. He is either the one or he isn’t. If he is the one, then the two of you will both be able to work at building a wonderful relationship together. If he is not the perfect partner for you, you cannot shape him into your dream companion. People just don’t work that way and will hate the person who reminds them day after day that they are less than perfect.

2. You Look Like A Psycho

The one major reason why you should never fight for your man is because you will look like a total psycho. Yes, you will get loads of attention, especially if you go all psycho online, but it won’t be positive attention from people who have your best in mind. A few “sisters” might egg you on, but they are also kicking it back, getting a good laugh at you. After all, your meltdown is their entertainment.

Don’t go psycho. Just smile and walk away. Whatever the reason is for your relationship falling apart, it is not worth ruining your reputation for. If you feel like you cannot control yourself, force yourself to take a time-out from the internet so that you don’t post anything stupid. Put away your phone to prevent psycho texts and seek help. Find a counselor or someone to talk to about what is bothering you.

1. You Will Never Win

Fighting for someone’s heart or faithfulness is a battle you will never win. Let’s say, for example, you are struggling to gain his attention over his job. He loves his job, feels passionate about it, and he devotes all of his time to his work. To me this sounds like a dream man, but many women become jealous if they are not the absolute center of a man’s attention. They will scream, fight, and try and change the man’s focus from work to girlfriend. It is not his passion and a relationship is second in importance in his grand scheme of things. What do you think will win out in the end? Certainly not the angry girlfriend.

If you are in a relationship where you are secondary and you want to be the first and only priority, your only options are to either get over yourself or walk away. Find a man with the same relationship values as yourself.

By   for TheTalko