Fights are no stranger to you. They are a regular visitor to your relationship.Fights don’t knock on the door, they sneak up on the back door and leave you in ruins. Yet, she always comes back. Always there. Even after every harsh word, every glance away and every letdown, she still fights. But not anymore. This is not about giving up, it’s about moving on.
You left her once. Righ there on the porch, with tears running down her cheeks and hands folded in front of her. Almost likes she is beginning. In a way, she did. Not with her words perhaps, but with her every tear, she was. She was beginning for you not to leave, not this time.You didn’t call, not for days. To her though, it seemed like months. But she waited, patiently, hoping you will come back. You did. With a smirk on your face, acting as though nothing happened. The next day you went on your sister’s baby shower, with big smiles on your faces, showing everyone how much of a perfect couple you were. Yes, everything was fine. Every single thing was fine, yet…you couldn’t see, could you? It was that moment of doubt that started her journey to move on. That tiny moment that meant everything.
After a few months, you had another fight. You can’t recall the exact reason, but whatever it was it made her leave. Alas, you did not wait for her. Why would you? You knew she would come back. She always did. You had a great time at the bar with your friends. Laughing and drinking, thinking she’ll be back at home waiting. Opening the front door you call for her. But there is no answer. She must be in the bedroom sleeping. With heavy footsteps, you climb upstairs. She is not in the bedroom. You soon start to search every room. But there is no one home. Better yet, you realize her clothes and things aren’t there. Then there is the famous question- why?
However, if you think about it, that question finally makes a full circle. She questioned herself every night, asking herself why and what did she do to make you leave. Until one day, right at that baby shower she looked at you and asked herself- Why? Why do I keep fighting for him? She knew the answer. Knew it in a heartbeat. She loved you, with all her heart, with all her mind and body. But one question was left unanswered. Did you love her? Would you fight for her? You see, when she walked through that door on that rainy day, she asked you a question. She asked you a question without uttering a word, and you answered without a single word being spoken.
It wasn’t easy walking through that door. It was not easy at all, no matter how many times you accuse her of being cold-hearted, in all your hurt and rage. She loves you, still, after every heartbreak you gave her. She thinks about you, wonders how have you been since that day. Her friends tried talking to her about you, she told them not to. Not because she does not want to know, she simply needs time and space to heal. She needed to heal herself because when you answered her question, she realized something.
She loves you, but she loves herself more. It was not you that who was with her on those nights she waited for you. It was her. On those nights, she was alone and she only had herself. On the days you never noticed her new hairstyle or how she spent all day cooking your favorite meal, yet you never thanked her. She encouraged herself in those days. She gave herself the strength she needed. The thought made her sad and lonely at one moment, yet in another moment she smiled. She smiled because she was alone and she managed to wake up every single morning and hope. She smiled because she was all she ever needed to survive.
I want you to know that when she stopped fighting for you, she did not give up on you. It took a lot to walk out that day, more than you will ever know. Her love did not evaporate into thin air in that moment. But she made some space in her heart for a bigger love. A love for herself. The most important love in her life. She did not give up on you, she just started to fight for herself.