Life Love Relationships

Dear Husband, I Cheated On You With My Ex

i cheated on you
Written by Nela Baricevic

Hello, my dear,

I’m writing you this letter because I have something on my mind. Something that is the reason why I can’t sleep at night. So I’ve decided to write this letter to try to explain everything that had happened. First of all, I want you to know that I cheated on you. I cheated on you with my ex. Give yourself a minute or two to process that and then, please, continue reading. (I promise it’s not that bad.)

I cheated on you one Friday night. That was the night when you were out with your friends and I felt terribly alone so I grabbed my phone and contacted my ex. Remember, we saw him about a month ago at the local supermarket? Remember he said he was alone, and remember how I tried to tell you how lonely I have been for days? For weeks?

But, unfortunately, it seemed like you didn’t care. So, yes. I contacted him. I pulled his number out of my phone’s memory and I called him.

The tears ran down on my face the moment he answered. I was so desperate. I was so weak. He asked me if he could help me and I said one simple, one terribly wrong – “yes!”

I said I cheated on you one Friday night, remember? It was the night when I said yes to him when he called me out. So we met each other. We kissed each other on the cheeks and he grabbed me in the strongest hug ever. We were standing in front of some weird cocktail bar (everything seemed weird that night) and I didn’t want to go in.

We stood there for about half an hour which he spent watching me crying my soul out. He wanted to find out what was so wrong, but I just couldn’t direct my thoughts so I can talk to him on some regular level. I felt stupid, but he was still there trying to help me.

We went out to a kid’s park. We sat on one of the benches and I told him that – I miss YOU, my husband. I miss the person who you used to be. That was the moment in which I realized I could die if I lose you. Also, the moment in which I realized I don’t exist if you’re not by my side. A moment in which I knew you are still the right man for me.

Of course, I know he wasn’t the person I was supposed to call, but at that moment, to be completely honest, I didn’t have anyone else.

I also disappointed myself by crying in front of my ex because of my present love. Am I stupid? I asked myself. I knew I was not. I was just totally, totally sad.

Then he looked me in the eyes and told me one thing. One important thing.

“Go on. Call him. Tell him everything about this night. Wake him up!”

“I don’t know! I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do,”  I replied.

“It’s just life. Go on, don’t be so scared by life. If you find it easier, write him a letter. Tell him everything you’ve said to me.”

So, here’s the letter. My whole story. My road to heaven or hell. I don’t know and I don’t really care. I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut for so long. Please, my dear, write down your comment.

He read it. He shut down in tears. He looked at me as I was standing at our front door. Then he looked at the letter again. He wrote down: “I cheated on you too but mine was for real. I couldn’t forgive myself, I couldn’t look into your eyes and that’s the reason why I was escaping our home for so long. The moment it happened I knew it was a big, big mistake and I felt like I was dying. Disappearing. Now I came to ask for forgiveness. So?”

He handed me the letter as tears were falling down his face. I didn’t even read what he wrote. I knew what it said. I said: “I forgive you. I forgive you this time. This night I’m forgiving you. We all lose our voices sometimes. Be the melody that is kind to my heart, be the voice of our future kids, be the promise you made when you said – yes!”


About the author

Nela Baricevic