Although every form of abuse, including emotional abuse is mostly connected with men being the abusers, it is very common for females to abuse their partners. Women are not prone to physical abuse, but emotional abuse and manipulation are not strange for the weaker sex. Female abusers will rarely be called by their name. Instead, their partners will characterize them as controlling, bossy or dominant. If your partner uses these words to describe your relationship, maybe it’s time you ask yourself if you are actually emotionally abusing him.
- You play the victim
What many women do in their relationships, without even being aware that it is a form of emotional abuse, is that they always play the victim. If you always play the “gentle sex card” and expect your boyfriend to do as you please just because you are a woman or use tears to constantly blame him for everything that goes wrong in your relationship, you are not playing fair and you are definitely emotionally abusing him. You probably want equality in all aspects of your relationship, but it is not something you can use only when it is beneficial for you. Therefore, if you want to be an equal partner in your relationship, it’s time to take some responsibilities and to stop using the fact that you are physically weaker to present yourself as a victim.
- You bully him
Bullying is not a strict term and it can encompass a lot of things. But, while many think that it is hardly possible for a woman to bully a man, that can’t be further from the truth. If you use emotional intimidation, verbal assaults and threats to get your boyfriend to do what you want and to control him, know that it is a form of bullying. You may not be aware that you do this, but if your boyfriend is acting like he is afraid to confront you and to tell you that he sometimes disagrees with you, it is a clear sign that you are probably mistreating and emotionally abusing him.
- He is never enough
No matter how hard your boyfriend tries and how much of himself he gives to you, he is never enough for you. You have unreasonable expectations of him and expect him to leave everything in his life just to attend your needs. A man’s ego is very fragile and although I am not saying you shouldn’t express your dissatisfaction with some things he does, you should also be careful not to present him with an impossible, never ending list of demands that no mortal could ever fulfill. If you think your boyfriend is not romantic enough, if he doesn’t spend enough time with you or you think he is not sensitive enough, instead of always criticizing him and complaining, show him how much you appreciate the positive things he does for your relationship. This way, you’ll stop this emotional abuse and at the same time, you’ll motivate him to do better and to improve.
- You are passive aggressive
When you are in a relationship, one of the first things you have to learn is that your partner cannot read your mind. So, if you are bothered by something in your relationship, you have to learn to verbalize your dissatisfaction. Men are in general not as aware of their surroundings as women are, so if you don’t tell your partner loudly and clearly what is the problem, he can’t know it and he can’t do anything to change it. If you are being passive aggressive, you are only doing wrong to both of you and you are destroying your relationship. When you are angry about something, if you give your boyfriend the silent treatment, if you give him the cold shoulder when he tries to approach you, if you ignore or reject him or if you withhold sex and any kind of affection just to “teach him a lesson” without really verbalizing the problem and trying to resolve it, you are displaying toxic behaviour and you are emotionally abusing him. If you want to have an adult relationship, it’s time to learn to communicate with your partner and it’s time for you to learn how to express your emotions, dissatisfaction being one of them.
- You manipulate him to get your way
Emotional manipulation is a type of emotional abuse mostly used by women. The most common type of emotional manipulation is emotional blackmail: you threaten to leave your boyfriend or to change some things in the relationship if things don’t go your way. You know his buttons and you play on his fears and vulnerabilities just to get your way. Another common type of emotional manipulation is mind games. If you know that your boyfriend doesn’t want something, but you trick him into agreeing with you, it is also a form of emotional manipulation and emotional abuse. Although you got what you wanted, if you really love this man, you’ll think if all of this makes him feel manipulated and controlled and whether these are the emotions you would enjoy the feeling.