It has been awhile since I’ve even seen your face. At first, I never thought I could make it to this point. You and I existing, yet not together. It took a lot out of me. I relied too much on you because you took my choice away. My independence was taken somewhere along the way.
I walked away. That was the bravest thing I’ve ever could have done. I walked out because I had no other choice. I wasn’t myself and I don’t think you really were either. We changed somewhere along the lines.
We grew apart. You wanted perfection and I wanted simplicity. How did a perfectionist love free spirit? I understand now, you never did. You only loved the control.
You were my world and you knew that. I think you used that against me at some points. As if being above me was some sort of goal. You had to always be more powerful in every aspect of our relationship.
I never tried to be perfect but I tried to be the perfect woman for you. Yet you set so many rules and expectations for me and I could never live up to them. I was punished for wanting to do things for myself for wanting to be a person outside of you. You made me feel like a failure for honestly just being me.
After awhile, I’ve learned that toxic people look a lot like a dream. They put on a show for everyone to think they are pure beings. They are untouchable and never seem to make mistakes.
Who knew toxic could be so seemingly perfect?
I didn’t deserve to feel the way you made me feel day in and day out. I deserved better. It took me too long to see that. I hope no one ever has to feel the way you made me feel. No one deserves to feel inferior to someone they love. I hope whoever loves you next never feels the way I did with you. Treat them better than you did to me, that’s my only wish for you.
For the last time, I walked by that old bookstore we first met and I was reminded of the beautiful times we did have. I want to feel that way again but not with you. So I’m saying goodbye to you. Leaving every piece behind me of what we had. I grieved for too long for someone who couldn’t even say they were sorry even when they were wrong.