I Remember You and I Do Not Blame You…

i do not blame you

Be still. Be absolutely quiet there where you are.

Contents

    The road of life has taken you away from me. Far, far away. So, be still and remember. I let life to take you away from me. I shed thousands of tears. I spent nights awake hoping I will see you again. But then – I grabbed a moment in which I realized I must let you go. I must let you go so I can breathe free again.

    Of course, I carry you in life that you will not witness. I know you will carry me too. You don’t have to say that aloud.

    I still know how it feels to feel you near. I still know how it feels to lose my breath because of you coming to me. I still know how it feels to be absolutely safe in your arms. I know and I remember, but that doesn’t mean I want us to get back together.

    If you keep asking yourself why, just think about our last few months. Think about all the ugly words, think about the yelling, about all the poison we gave each other. Nothing but poison. No love. No passion. No understanding. Once again, my dear, nothing, nothing but poison.

    I loved you. I’m sure you loved me too. It was when life was easy like sunny Sundays with no problems, with no mistakes, with no need for apologies.

    Loved you through my mind.

    Loved you through my body.

    Loved you through my heart.

    Loved you through my soul.

    With every part of me, I loved you. And I have no reason to question your prior love for me. Because you loved me with all that too. I remember we were full of joy and excitement when we first met. Then it was a period in which we get to know each other, in which we did everything for the first time together.

    Remember our first sunrise? I know you remember, and I know you remember how the wind was warm and how the city was asleep. Beyond that, I remember the promises you gave to me.

    And you know what? I do not blame you. I don’t think you broke all your promises. No, I don’t blame either of us. It’s just life. Life is a game in which we all lose sometimes.

    We grew up together, so it was a life that said that it is enough. In order to meet some new people, we needed to say to each other one simple, but one forever – goodbye and good luck.

    I hope you’re doing fine out there. I hope you don’t feel like I left because of someone new. I hope you realize it was for good. Not just for me, but for the both of us.

    When you fall in love too early, you must be realistic about the possible screenplay. When you are just a teenager who fell in love so strong, you must realize there is no guarantee it will last until the end of time.

    Of course, some people worked it out. Some people get back together. But a large number of them just lose each other. Lose themselves too, so when they finally broke up, they must collect the broken pieces so they can get back together themselves. Apart from each other.

    For that reason, I will repeat now that I don’t blame you. I just feel like I have to go on with my life. Without you. I deeply wish you are fine, and I have the strongest wishes for your good in your future life.

    Excuse me now, life is waiting for me. There are so many different countries I want to visit. So many different languages I want to learn. There is so much from the life I would like to taste. I hope you will visit, you will learn, you will taste your goods. All the good that life has prepared for you, my dearest ex.

     

    About the author

    Kirsten Blackwood

    A mental health writer and advocate. Currently I write about depression. My work has always been centered around health as I previously worked at a variety of healthcare-focused agencies. I wanted to help people who were struggling with an illness or disability, but often times didn’t feel the work I was doing was providing the right voice to the people I was trying to help. Here, I can connect to you in your journey by encouraging you to share the good, the bad, and moments in-between.

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