Men are always trying to figure out how to be more successful and confident around women. In order to achieve that, they try to figure what behaviors and actions really work. But those attempts are not without an issue. While they are trying to ”figure out” women, they fail in understanding how important it is for them to be aware of a woman’s point of view. But what it’s like being a woman?
If men were at least a little more aware of what it’s like to be a woman if they were aware of the difference in experience while going through life every day, they would be far more successful in general. Because showing you see the struggle and respect it while trying to not make it any harder than it is would be a big plus for you in the ladies’ eyes.
To set an example, a basic difference can be seen in the things that scare us while interacting with each other. While men fear nothing more than rejection, especially public one, women have quite different fears in mind. What really scares a woman, especially if she dares to reject a man, is being assaulted. Be it sexually or physically. And it’s a valid fear.
I know most of the guys hearing this would think how terrible of a claim this is. They have never even thought of such thing. But the thing is we’ve seen men who have. And we’ve seen women who barely survived after something like that. And even if you were one of the good ones, how can those women you interact with know that?
Even the worse among male population seem normal and sweet in the beginning until a wrong thing is said, advances are rejected, and hell breaks loose. Women can never know which of the men they are getting in touch with could be violent. Which of them could hurt her emotionally and socially as well? So the fear is real, and it is present at all times.
The bottom line is, whatever the goal you have when approaching a woman, understanding her and her reasoning and perspective will bring you further than any opening line ever could. It will also better the relationships with all the other women in your life and who wouldn’t see that as a benefit?
Women are constantly objectified and tired of it.
Let’s start with an obvious one. Sex sells. This has been around for a very long time. Whatever you’re selling and promoting, especially to men, sex will sell it. That’s where you see gorgeous women in tiniest clothes used as means to attract the attention of a certain target group. That’s where the issues start.
Growing up with those images constantly shoved in our faces has created unrealistic expectations, both for men and women. Women feel it as a hit to their confidence because they look at those seemingly perfect models and think they can never live up to that. And in failing to be like those unreal women, their chances with guys are lesser.
Another issue is that now they’re convinced that that’s all guys want and expect out of women. Big breasts, long legs, luscious hair. Nature wasn’t as generous to them, so they will never be able to get rid of that feeling of resentment for the women who have it all, and men who prefer it. They also find it hard to believe when they are told they are perfect for what they are. It’s impossible to wrap your mind around the fact that someone could possibly find you attractive the way you are when women media, and most of the world, glorify are nothing like you. So the feeling of distrust will linger.
Now, I know the talk about objectifying women will always bring in that ”women objectify themselves with the way they dress” thread. Hear this: women love attention. They love their clothes and they should be able to dress however they please. It’s not attention that is the problem. They all secretly hope men do pay attention to them, that they like what they see, but all of that is better if men like more than just the legs and breasts about her. Like her mind.
The problem is in the way how that attention is given. Acknowledge her as a thinking individual when you decide to approach her. Even when your goal is only short-term, like a one night stand. You’re there, and you’re talking to her. That’s a sign enough that you’re attracted to her physical appearance. Leave it there. Instead, when you start up the talk, give her a real reason to want to spend the night with you. Or life, if you’re searching for something serious.
It is understandable that reducing women to sexual objects might help with the anxiety of approaching someone new and fearing failure. But men have to understand that objectifying is usually the main reason they will fail. You might try to take your mind off the fact that women are analyzing and judging you while you’re approaching them, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s still happening. And it’s normal. You do it too. And it shouldn’t bother you or be of any significance as long as you bear in mind why is it necessary for them to analyze you in the first place.
What it’s like being a woman? Women are painfully aware of their physical vulnerability.
When it comes to world of dating, and even in the regular everyday interactions with others, women are surrounded with men who are for the most part bigger and stronger than them. And a good part of those men are attracted to them. They look at women, catcall, make unwanted advances at any and all times. And it is something women have known always, but have learned to live with.
Women are going through their life every day knowing that at any time, anywhere, she could come across a stronger, bigger man who wants her and can take her if he decides, even if she doesn’t want it. Understanding that vulnerability women feel at all times should make it easier to interact with them at all times.
One other thing that tends to be the problem because of this feeling that follows women around is being accused of playing games. You know those guys geting butthurt over receiving mixed signals. She wants you, then she doesn’t. She acts like she’s attracted to you, but when you make an advance or suggest physical intimacy, she’s outraged. These are not games. I am not saying there aren’t women who manipulate like that. But the problem is usually something else.
Could you ever imagine how many contradictions are going wild in someone’s mind when one is attracted to someone who could cause damage in the ways unimaginable? Because it’s like that for women at all times. She likes a guy, but at the same time she can’t stop wondering is he’s really as great as he seems? What if he is violent? What if he is a rapist? What if he wants more and she’s not ready?
That’s when she starts sending out what you would call ”mixed signals”. She wants you, but at the same time there are alarms going off in her head. Especially if the guy takes it too far with his advances. It is not just her body he could hurt. It’s her reputation too, if the guy turns out to be a big-mouthed jerk.
You might really be one of the good guys, but that means nothing until she has had the chance to see it for herself. And only then she will be able to stop feeling vulnerable around you. But that is just one man in the sea of so many others who could still do her harm. So if you want to be more successful in interacting with women, remember this and try to present your real self, but in the less frightening manner.
Women are tired of dealing with creeps.
From their early teens, women become targets for all kinds of creeps and losers who don’t know when to quit. Growing up like that, they are forced to develop a special set of skills that will help them weed out guys that they will approve approaching them and those guys that have failed in their eyes before even opening their mouth.
I know it sounds harsh and unnecessarily means, but that’s the reality. Because by the time you get your chance to come up to her, she has already had so much creepy and bad experiences with guys, that she’s tired of dealing with it. So the best thing she can do is get over with it fast. And guys will probably never be able to truly understand that without actually living through the years of it.
It is even worse when you remember the vulnerability women feel that we already went through. As if that wasn’t enough, she feels a certain amount of fear every time she refuses a guy because she never knows which one of them can react like a complete lunatic and end up hurting her. And if you account her experiences in it, there’s a pretty high chance of it happening.
All of you average guys might be wondering what the hell are we talking about. Where are all those creepers and nutjobs we mention and where do women find them in the first place?
You know how the radical minority in every movement is always the loudest, so it ends up giving a bad name to the whole movement? Well, this is the same in a way. Creepy guys, psychopaths, narcissists and all the possible scum are usually those who feel the most confidence about approaching women. It is mostly because they lack the sense of reality and they don’t see themselves for who they are.
So, in her lifetime, the biggest chunk of the guys that decide to hit on her will be the scummy minority. Hence, the image of the male population is seriously skewed. All she has seen are tactless men who can’t take no for an answer and will pretty much make advances on everything female that has a pulse. And the good guys are nowhere to be seen. That is how regular guys who are actually pretty decent humans end up suffering for the actions of the loud and pushy minority.
That is why you have to take into account her bad experiences and next time when you try to make a move on a girl and she reacts maybe a little bit too bitchy, don’t write her off. It’s a good chance she’s just protecting herself because she learned by now that good guys are rarely the ones who come straight to her with any confidence. Linger a while longer and do your best to show her there’s nothing psychopathic about you.
Women who are aware of their good looks are still self-conscious.
When you approach a good looking woman with a line that includes a compliment on her appearance, you are telling her something she already knows. She grew up being told exactly that, she was hit on and even harassed over her looks. By the men without boundaries and jealous girls alike. Goes without saying she’s mostly approached by creeps, because regular guys are intimidated by her.
If you decide to try your luck, think of more original approach. Compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her appearance. Or don’t compliment her at all. Show you’re into her by asking about her life, opinions and interests, instead. Talk to her in a way that will show her you are not scared of her beauty and you want to get to know what’s hiding under her looks.
But keep this in mind, just because she has always been told she’s pretty, it doesn’t mean she is not self-conscious. She asks herself, just like every other woman does, why do you like her? What is so attractive about her? The questions that plague her because she, like many other, compares herself to the women media serves us on a daily basis.
Women fear being abandoned, contracting STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
Abandonment is bad enough as it is. Being abandoned after getting knocked up is a nightmare.
When it comes to sex, one of the biggest reasons why men are so free with it and women so picky and reluctant about it is pregnancy and STD factor. Women getting pregnant when they weren’t planning on it, especially as a result of a casual fling, usually mean being shamed, losing career opportunities and harder time finding herself a man that wants to stick around. Even if she was a great catch before, not a lot of men want to father someone else’s child. Especially unplanned one.
Same goes for STDs. Men contracting something as common as genital herpes is usually just temporary setback. But once a woman contracts it, it puts her on an unwanted list the second it is known. It can seriously affect her health, and some of the STDs put her future children in great risk too. As if that isn’t enough, the social stigma coming with it is the final blow.
Women are well aware of those risks. That is why they will try to avoid anything that can put them in such a situation. And that is why your appearance and your hygiene matter so much. It is almost animalistic instinct, but if you don’t smell right or don’t look clean, she will rather pass. Even if you are the nicest guy ever.
It might be for different reasons, but women find dating infuriating just as much as men do.
Women want different things from a relationship. For most of the time, they are not interested in casual relationships and sex because that’s not what they’re looking for. They also fear being hurt if they allow themselves to start anything casual.
So, they will usually strive towards finding a boyfriend. A steady partner who will be there for her. When she realizes it is not succeeding, she will start feeling frustrated. She will feel like a failure for not being able to make any of the men she deemed worthy to stay with her.
Another infuriating fact will be the time running out. Almost every woman imagines getting all of her ducks in a row by a certain age. But at one point they realize it’s impossible to have it all in the short span of time and it’s time to pick priorities and put other things on hold, or give them up altogether.
That is why no bright woman with a goal firmly set will have time to play games. For that reason, they make quick decisions in the beginning phases of your relationship and they are capable to decide what they want or don’t want with you very early on. They have no time to worry about heartbreak and immature moves. So if there is the slightest doubt you might hurt her, even if you’re the greatest catch there is, she won’t go for it.
Once you understand all this, you will know why is dating frustrating for women. You will also understand why they refuse to exert any particular effort to satisfy your desires.
Women fantasize too, but talk about it less.
It is the way it is because women are more likely to be chastised for it. As usual, men are praised for the things that make women seem bad and dirty, and not in a good way.
Another concern women have when struggling with the decision to talk about their fantasies is the possibility of it being misconstrued by men. They fear that saying what they want will be seen as a green light for the man to pull out some heavy, messed up stuff on them, that they would never be okay with. Or that her wish for being dominated in bed would be used as an excuse to try and control her in everyday life.
But at the same time, they are worried that not disclosing them, or not agreeing to try some of his fantasies, will be the reason for her partner to leave her for another, more open-minded and perverted girl. Also, the fear of looking ridiculous and incompetent when she does something for the first time is sure to make her give up on giving it a shot.
Keep in mind, what she really wants out of sex, more than fulfilling a fantasy or having an orgasm, is to feel connected and wanted. Women love feeling desired. And they love knowing you enjoy in everything about them and their body.
This hopefully puts things in perspective.
This is only a rough summary of the things women go through and only some of the reasons they go through it, just for being women.
So, if you really want to have better success with them, learn to understand and notice these things when they happen. Learn to appreciate women for what they are. Because they have spent so much time on trying to understand men and what they really want. They buy magazines, visit forums, have endless discussions with friends or older and more experienced women in their life. They analyze actions and think about every word that comes out of your mouth. All of it just to figure out what do men want and expect.
The least men can do is exert at least one-tenth of effort in understanding these things about women.