Men are often different to women and at this point, we don’t expect anything different. We know that guys have a different attitude, and it’s often best to admit to ourselves that they’re set in their ways. If we don’t like it, that’s our own problem to deal with. When you’re dating an emotionally detached man, however, even more issues are set to arise.
The issue lies in their differences to ordinary men. While other men are often unwilling to share their feelings, they will if they need to, and they look for ways to better connect with their partners. However, an emotionally detached man doesn’t give very much back. This can be okay if you’re not a romantic. These men aren’t just stoic, boring men with no personality – they’re completely normal. It’s just that they don’t get in touch with their emotions much.
This can cause issues, undeniably. If you crave love and affection all the time, then an emotionally detached man is your worst nightmare. He doesn’t think to give you that kind of attention because he himself doesn’t need it to thrive. He is still capable of love, but it’s a muted version. While love can be all-consuming and crazy and chaotic, an emotionally attached man doesn’t experience this. He experiences something closer to a crush than true love, and he doesn’t feel the need to change his ways.
So evidently, this can cause issues in a romance. If you’re in deep and you’ve got attached to an emotionally detached man, you need to be equipped to cope with how he is as a person. While you might decide that he’s not the guy for you, you might also come to the conclusion that you can adapt to it with only a few exceptions. So how should you date an emotionally detached man? Here’s some of our top tips for success.
Allow him the space that he needs
An emotionally detached man isn’t the sort to cling to you for dear life and refuse to live his life without you by his side. He’s very laid back and he doesn’t need to be around you constantly to feel fulfilled. His attitude is similar to that of a cat – when he needs you, he’ll come back to you, but you shouldn’t be surprised if he is ever aloof or unreachable. Like a cat, it’s just in his nature. If he tries to withdraw, you have to let him do it. You might not like that time you spend apart, but he will come back reenergized and more capable of being a good partner. This isn’t to say he can do what he wants. If he’s cheating on you, that’s not withdrawing – that’s abandoning. There will be boundaries, but if he’s just a bit of a lone wolf, you need to give him breathing space from time to time in order to thrive as a couple.
An emotionally detached man needs a laid-back woman
If you’re a high maintenance person, you probably wouldn’t fit with an emotionally detached man, and it’s unlikely you’d even want to date one in the first place. An emotionally detached man needs someone on his level, so if you can handle an easy-going relationship, you’ve already got one thing going for you.
Don’t argue about something that can’t be changed
You can’t make someone be something they don’t want to be. If you constantly find yourself getting angry about his closed off personality, it’s possible you need to find a new partner. He can’t help the way he is, and the more you nag him, the more you put a rift between you, and to make matters worse, you’ll find you don’t get any results from it. It’s a step backwards rather than forwards, so you have to be more careful if you want to remain dating this guy.
Don’t try and chase him up all the time
If you’re one of these girlfriends that needs to know where their partner is all of the time and never takes your eye off him, walk away now. This man is not for you. An emotionally detached man won’t be understanding of you and your need to remain connected. In fact, it’ll probably drive him far away. If you can’t handle a little distance, consider that someone who is unable to make themselves emotionally available at the drop of a hat isn’t for you.
Find ways to bring him out of his shell without forcing him
While you do need to accept that an emotionally unavailable man isn’t the easiest to connect with, you have to connect on some level. No relationship can work without some emotional closeness. You can slowly draw him out if you need to, talking a little about your feelings and asking him questions about his. Don’t bombard him. You know he doesn’t want to talk about these things if he can avoid it. However, any response however small is good progress. You might have to be patient and wait for him to offer up his heart, but it’s always worth it when he does.
Focus on yourself
One of the great things about dating an emotionally detached man is that you can focus on yourself a lot more. They need very little attention to thrive, and so you can go and do your own thing without the fear of upsetting him. While it’s not wise to neglect to tell him what you’re getting up to, you are able to take a spontaneous trip or go on a night out without him getting riled up over it.
Leave yourself open to possibility
You never know when an emotionally detached man might open up. Make sure you’re ready to listen when he’s ready to talk. These openings are rare for a man like him, and it’s often a deep insight to his world that he usually keeps hidden. When he does open up, make if your priority to be there for him. Anything else can wait a while – these rare moments are gold dust.
Try not to take offence to his actions
When he pulls away, it’s often nothing personal. While it can instil fear in you that you’ve done something wrong, you should be aware of the fact that he will come back to you when he’s ready. That’s the most important part of dating an emotionally detached man – you need to trust that he’s doing things for a reason and that he’ll be back in time.
Question if dating an emotionally detached man works for you
If there’s anything on this list that upsets you or puts you off, then you really shouldn’t be dating an emotionally detached man. This style of relationship isn’t for everyone and if you can’t stand the thought of someone leaving you emotionally stranded then you need someone more romantically stable. A relationship with an emotionally detached man is a rollercoaster that can be hard to navigate, so if it doesn’t suit you, then don’t commit. It’s as simple as that. However, if you do decide to go ahead, you should know that there are plenty of benefits if you’re willing to search for them.