The sound of heartbreak. The feeling of falling into the abyss. Powerful lack of myself is delivered to the people who surround me as a huge, as an enormous lack of you. Of us. At least I let them think I stayed close to myself. To bleeding pieces of my broken heart as you left me.
What did I have of your empty look who delivered the final decision before my final fall? What did I have to do with all the reasons, with all the earlier dreams you left me with? You left me like you just left a complete stranger. You left me that way after years which I spent by tiding everything mine with everything yours.
Let’s not be fooled by the non-existent innocence of life. Through years that move away like the wind of change, everyone has someone to blame for giving up too fast, as well as for staying too long.
Long ago I have realized that the weapon fades in the hands of long-lived couples. I have long realized that the old ones are in an unfair position from which they’re fighting a difficult battle against the new ones. New is more exciting. New is about passion. It is about butterflies that you’re feeling in your stomach. On the other hand, old is boring. It is a routine you finally have an opportunity to break.
After all, I don’t doubt we could go on. And I don’t doubt even the beauty of that life, because, at the end of the day, on the one hand, we have been laughing at similar things, and on the other hand, similar things, people, and situations have scared us.
I don’t doubt that between the two possible ways that we are considering, sometimes the third is the right one. But we didn’t see it. We were absolutely blind, so we didn’t see it.
When you voluntarily disagree with freedom; when you become a volunteer to your body not because you want it, but because you have to; when you become a person who is falling and, at the same time, the one who gives you the hand to rise; when the multiplicity strains to a dull singular—you’re being forced to change. So that way I once changed. That way myself was once changed.
The sound of heartbreak from the introduction was tremendously clear. Pure. Unlike the blazing storms that followed. Unlike random runs to someone else’s hands in need of any protection.
Happiness is a choice.
I’m warning you to remember that happiness is a choice, and it is 100% up to you.
You can teach yourself to push away negativity and chaos.
You can teach yourself how to live in peace.
Learning to be fortunate in solitude is one of the most comprehensive lessons. Get into yourself and make some space. Break old, stacked, patterns that are not used at all. For that, you need to have strength, and the strength behind the fall of the soul into the abyss is exactly what you don’t have. So then what?
You can act like you are happy. That remains. The possibility of acting. It remains to persuade yourself that loneliness is okay. That the pain that pervades your body and which is both physically and spiritually manifested—okay. It is okay to be helpless. It is okay that ice cream sales at your closest store in the middle of the winter have enormously increased, and you’re the only buyer. It is okay that someone earns money because of the pain you’re going through because someday you’re going to earn some points from someone else’s pain. When? When you release yourself, and you will. I guarantee you will release yourself and let go of the past.
In desperate need of first aid, acting is not bad. Have fun in a role that is not. Being a major actor in your life is still better than the role of a small observer.
And acted luck has the potential to become real fortune.
On the one hand, an empty bed is often warmer than silence filled with insults that deeply cut the heart. We remember all. With our heart, with our mind. And when we remember and when we are reconciled, we will be healed and we will be ready—for some new flight, for some new freedoms.