Heartbreak Life Love Relationships

I Wanted You To Love Me, Not The Idea Of Who You Want Me To Be

to love me
Written by Karen Clark

You fell in love with only what you saw. I was always more than my hair, my eyes, my smile. Who I am is much deeper than on the outside.

You kissed my lips but never cared for my heart. You touched my body but never once tried to entice my mind. You gazed into my eyes but never my soul. That was my first mistake.

Eventually, I fell in love with you or really the person you wanted me to believe you were. You were charming and seemingly had everything together.

I thought you believed in me. With time, I stopped being shy girl stuck in her shell and I started to soar. So I took on life, it led me places where I never thought I’d land. It felt like you were bettering me, you helped me eat right, work out regularly. I realized you were just forming me into who you wanted me to be. I learned that whenever I failed; when I ate something unhealthy or missed a work out you made me feel worthless.

I failed so very often and with every failure, I felt you become more distant. You couldn’t seem to love me when I made mistakes. You wanted me to be perfect. I want you to know, you’ll never find someone that will fit the standard you have raised so unreasonably high.

Then somehow I became too much for you, when I was being more independent and more and more truly myself everyday. I chose to pursue my passions and what truly made me happy. I was finally strong and that scared the shit out of you. You wanted me to need you and to crave you. You got a thrill from it. Who was I, if I didn’t need you?

I still wanted to make you happy. So I felt like I needed to stop being who I discovered I truly was to make you love me more, to win your love back. I thought, maybe I should be a little less today. Not as much myself to make you happy. That was my second mistake.

Eventually, I lost myself. I didn’t feel myself anymore. Just this person who was being constantly formed to fit a certain mold. There was constantly voices saying, “don’t do that- he won’t like that.” Then I realized I wasn’t living for myself anymore. I was living to reach your standards. That was my final mistake.

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I Wanted You To Love Me, Not The Idea Of Who You Want Me To Be