Fights are an inevitable part of every relationship, even of the happiest and the most successful ones. But, what differs healthy relationships from toxic ones is the way couples handle their arguments. When you meet someone new, you are in love and you secretly hope that you’ll have a tension-free relationship. So, when the first fight in a relationship happens, reality sets in and all the fantasies you had about the perfect relationship burn in a second. Your new partner is a person you are only getting to know and you don’t know what to expect and don’t know how to react.
What you need to know is that the first fight in a relationship is crucial for your future as a couple. How people handle the first fight in a relationship partly determines the direction of the rest of the relationship and sets up ground rules for all future fights and for the way you’ll get along in the future. Here are 4 steps that will help you get over it as smoothly as possible.
One of the biggest mistakes most couples make during the first fight in a relationship is overreacting and panicking. This can cause the simplest misunderstanding to be blown out of proportions and to be easily turned into a big fight and you don’t want that to happen. It is natural for both of you not to be happy because you are fighting, but be careful not to get carried away and not to take things too emotionally. Remember that this doesn’t mean that the relationship will come to an end. Every couple fights and it is perfectly normal for you and your partner to have a disagreement of some kind. So, do your best not to dramatize and not to overanalyse everything. Another important thing is that both you and you partner learn how to control yourselves. There is no need for panic and no need for big words or even insults. Before you say or do anything, try to breathe and think everything twice because you don’t want to say or do some things you’ll regret in the future. It is perfectly normal for both you and your partner to get annoyed and frustrated during the fight, but try not to allow rage to be the only emotions that leads you.
The basis of every healthy relationship is good communication. And you can’t have a good communication unless you are both honest with yourself and with each other. You should follow this rule in all arguments and especially when it comes to the first fight in a relationship. Sometimes, in the beginning, we don’t want to show the true depth of our emotions, so we wouldn’t appear too needy and because we are afraid we’d get hurt. Therefore, we often keep quiet about some things that bother us. But, that is the first mistake you could make. The beginning of the relationship is the period when you both should set up ground rules for the future, so you want to resolve everything that is bothering you right away. If you don’t do that and act like everything is ok while you are actually upset about some things, you are not building a foundation for a healthy relationship. Instead, you are training yourself and your partner to be passive aggressive, because everything that you are holding inside will come to the surface before or after. I am not saying you should make a big deal about every little thing that you dislike about your new partner, because there are some things you’ll have to meet them half way. But, it is important to be honest with yourself and understand what the things you can compromise about are and what are the things that might be your deal breakers. These are the stuff you need to resolve in the beginning and to be honest about them to your partner. Don’t be scared to tell how you really feel and think because this is the only way to have a healthy start of the relationship.
Don’t walk away until everything is resolved
The most important thing to do in the first fight in a relationship is obviously to resolve it. But, what most couples do, especially in the beginning, is running away from any possible confrontations, thinking it is the best way to avoid arguments and a way for preserving peace in the relationship. What you need to know is that the differences or problems you and your partner might have will not magically disappear if you choose to ignore them and act like they don’t exist. Instead, they will pile and catch you sooner or later. So, the best thing you can do is to resolve each problem on time, issue by issue. Of course, you shouldn’t overreact and it is better if you wait until you are both calm so you could peacefully talk about everything. But, don’t allow yourselves to be passive aggressive and to be silent about the things that are bothering you, just because one or both of you are afraid of the outcome of this argument. And once you start the argument, there is no walking away until a solution that suits both of you has been reached. There are numerous couples who fight over and over again about the same things and this happens because they didn’t reach a conclusion when they should have. So, no matter how long the fight might last, remember it is not acceptable to end it until both of you have given your points of view and until a compromise has been made.
Don’t hold grudges
After the fight is over, put everything about it aside and leave it in the past. The worst thing you can do is to hold grudges because if you do this- it will affect you as a person and it will have a negative impact on your relationship in general in more than one way. Holding onto the first fight in a relationship and using it every once in a while to start new fights or to guilt your partner into something is the worst thing you can do. If you were able to work things out, there is absolutely no need to constantly remind yourself or your partner about this fight. Be sincere to yourself and towards the other person and decide whether you two fought about something that was a deal breaker for you and that you can’t forgive. If that is the case, think things through and decide if you can stay in the relationship. But, if you decide that there is no much to forgive regarding this fight and that you can forgive it, let it go. If you keep holding on to it and if you are just waiting for an opportunity to bring it up, you will only bring unnecessary negativity in the relationship. Be aware that this is the first fight in a relationship, but it is definitely not the last. There will be plenty of other situations in which you and your partner will disagree, so this is the time to learn not to dwell on it and not to hold grudges.