Love Relationships

How To Make My Husband Love Me When We’ve Drifted Apart

Written by Hayley Anderton

When you get married to someone, it is because you plan to commit to each other for the rest of your lives. You don’t ever marry someone with the intention of a future divorce or falling out. However, as unfortunate as it is, it does happen. People break up all the time, whether it’s a year into their relationship or forty years after they got together. Marriage is unpredictable at the best of times, and a whole range of things can contribute to it falling apart.

However, there are many couples who seek to get back what they lost a long time ago. Many couples feel the same way as they did when they started out, but something is missing from your previously strong relationship. It can put a rift between you and leave you wondering where it all went wrong.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be an unhappy ending. You may be thinking, how to make my husband love me is a ridiculous question. You may think that as his partner, you should know exactly how to deal with every scenario he throws your way, and you should just adapt to save your marriage. Well, in some ways, yes. Saving your marriage is going to rely a lot on your ability to adapt. But your husband needs to assume some of the responsibility too. A partnership needs two people to function successfully, and now is the time to tackle any issues that might have grown between you.

The future is yours to shape. It’s time to ask ‘ how to make my husband love me when we’ve drifted apart.’ Now you’re ready to hear the answers.

Live in the past a little – rekindle what you used to have

Remember your first date, where you went to that restaurant and you were so nervous, you choked on your dinner? You were mortified at the time, but your husband-to-be just laughed, and it made everything better. Those good memories are the key to unlocking the positivity of your past. Talk about the things you enjoyed doing together once, and try to recapture some of that love. Go on a trip together that you took when your marriage was in a good place. Watch the films that you love together. Reminiscing is a powerful tool, and it can put you back in a place where you once were happy.

Then, change the way you act for the future

As much as you may want to, you can’t stay in the past forever. While a dose of memory lane can be good as a boost, you need to continue the process from there. That’s why it’s time to start preparing for your future

It might feel a little uncertain if you’ve been struggling. You might not know if you’ll stay together. However, push that negativity aside for a moment. Remember why you’re here. It’s like planting bulbs in the spring to get flowers in the summer. You have to put in the work early on to see your relationship bloom. Make your future the way you choose, even if it’s different to everything you and your husband experienced in the past. Change can be good, even though we always feel the need to reject it. Think of it as a new era of your marriage – a transition from sad to happy. Your future is in your hands.

Be open with your feelings – he can’t read your mind

There are underlying issues in every relationship that people are loath to talk about. Even happy couples have them. Sometimes, happy couples struggle more, because they don’t want to bring up difficulties and ruin what they have. But if your relationship is on the rocks, opening up can be a make or break moment. That’s why it feels scary to talk.

However, the alternative is letting your relationship sink without giving it a chance, and that’s the opposite of progress. So whatever the issue is, whether it’s the wider picture or one of the cracks under the surface, talk about it. Tell your partner when you think he’s being selfish, or tell him he doesn’t give you enough affection. You’ll be surprised at the effects of your honesty. He might not have realised anything was truly wrong, and now that it’s out in the open, he can make positive changes to his attitude and save your relationship from drowning.

Ask your husband what he wants to do

Now its his turn. You’ve taken the first step, and your honesty has helped to heal you both massively. He now needs to take on some responsibility. He might need encouragement to do so, but you should find a way to make him open up. Ask him what he would change about your relationship. Some of the things he tells you might hurt, but remember the bigger picture. If you can survive moments like this, you can survive anything together.

Time can find a way to heal

Though it’s unwise to leave a problem to solve itself, time will encourage things to either get better or worse. All you have to do is make sure the process goes in the right direction. When you’re on the road to recovery, you need to let time do its thing. Change doesn’t come overnight, so make sure you give both of you breathing space and as time passes, you’ll notice a positive difference in both of you.

Be physically close to one another

This isn’t just about sex, although rekindling love in the bedroom could be a necessity. Be intimate by holding hands, embracing, or even just snuggling up close in bed. Then, when you’re ready, make it sexual. A man will often feel better if he feels desired, and you will too, so long as you dive in headfirst and allow yourself to feel sensual again.

Avoid negativity and arguments as much as possible

While every couple argues from time to time, making it a part of your daily routine is never a good thing. Only argue over the things that matter – anything else can be solved by having a quiet word with your partner and coming to a mature conclusion. The health of your relationship can’t grow if you’re just shouting at one another all of the time, so avoid that kind of behaviour at all costs.

Negativity also brings the mood down. If you’re constantly complaining – about your life or your partner – then all the feelings between you will be negative. To give your relationship a boost, try making changes in yourself as well. Being a positive person will aid your love life as much as it will aid your sparkling personality.

How to make my husband love me when we’ve drifted apart – sometimes, you can’t

The sad truth is that not everything can be fixed. Sometimes, it is time to let go and let a relationship die out. If this is the case, try to go out as graciously as possible. Unless your partner cheated or deliberately hurt you, you have to realise that sometimes, these things happen. No matter how much you ask how to make your husband love you when you’ve drifted apart, sometimes it isn’t possible or appropriate. Remember the good times fondly and then leave it all behind. A fresh start might be the only cure.

About the author

Hayley Anderton