I am sure you’ve heard this sentence before. It may have inspired you, maybe you don’t know what it actually means or you still don’t see its true strength. But, for me, it has a special value.
I was always a sensitive person. I overanalyzed everything someone close to me did or said to me. And I allowed every little thing to have a deep effect on me. I just couldn’t let go of some things and people. And instead of doing that, I became their prisoner. Now I see that sometimes, I was making a big deal of something that was not so relevant, but in the given moment, it was the most important thing for me. Of course, if anyone tried to tell me I am overreacting, I just knew they didn’t understand me.
So, I’ve started shutting myself down. I gave the wrong people too much access and the opportunity to do me harm, so I became emotionally damaged. I’ve lost my self-esteem and my insecurities started controlling me. I hate to admit it, but I became toxic and negative. I was always complaining and looked at everything pessimistically.
But, even in those stages of my life, I tried really hard not to hurt or insult everyone around me. I saw that I was becoming destructive, and instead of asking help, I’ve started closing myself off from the world. And I did the only thing worse than being toxic for people around me—I became toxic for myself. With time, my self-destructiveness and pessimism caused me to become anxious and depressed.
I simply didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It seemed that everything I put my hands on fell apart sooner or later. So, I started to expect only bad things to happen to me. I was hurt badly in the past, so I just assumed that everyone in my life is just there to use me, emotionally manipulate me, and eventually walk away when they no longer need me. I expected everyone to hurt me. And I expected everything to end up the worst possible outcome scenario.
I saw that I was losing myself completely. I simply wasn’t the person I used to be. And I knew it was time to seek for professional help. The fact that I was self-aware and that I was more than ready to admit that something was going on for me was great and was the first step of my recovery. When I told my therapist about everything I was going through and about the things that were bothering me, she told me I should face towards the sunshine and I won’t see the shadows.
At first, I didn’t take this sentence seriously. To be honest, I thought for it to be one of those motivational phrases you hear all the time, but doesn’t actually help you. But, later, as my sessions continued, I started contemplating this sentence, and I realized its true strength, power, and importance.
Yes, I was in a dark place in my life. And all I could see were shadows—shadows of my former self and shadows of the past which was haunting me.
But, then it hit me. I was the one choosing not to see the light. I was the one who chose not to look at the bright side of everything.
In the beginning, I was so confused and overwhelmed with everything that was going on inside of me that I lost my compass, and I couldn’t tell what and who represented the darkness and who and what represented the sun. It took me long until I realized that sunshine is the better tomorrow. It is everything positive that awaits for me when I decide to embrace it. It is love, happiness, optimism, and everything good life gives us. And we need sunshine for our life to flourish, don’t we?
So, if you are going through some of the similar things I was experiencing, please face towards the sunshine. Look ahead. I know some things seem unresolvable for you at the moment, but trust me—if you just make an effort to change your perspective, suddenly nothing will be as bad as it now may seem. On the other hand, if you look at the shadows, you are looking behind and you are overwhelming yourself with things and people you can no longer change.
Remember, you can never completely impact everything that is going on around you, but you can choose the way you deal with it. That is your power, and it’s time you start using it.