He Doesn’t Love You, He’s Using You

He's Using You
Written by Karen Clark

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a long-term relationship or are just starting out in a new fling—every one of us will end up dating a guy who only takes and doesn’t give. He asked you to be his girlfriend or keeps you around because he doesn’t want to take care of himself, and now you’re stuck doing all the chores and going along with all of his plans and he’s taking advantage of your eagerness to please.

If your man acts like the guy described below, he’s using you and you need to get out of the relationship.

He calls you his girlfriend but treats you like his mommy/nanny/maid.

Do you feel like you’re constantly running around with errands and catering to his every whim? He can’t take care of it because he always has a lame excuse so you’re left with the mess. It’s even worse if you live together because all of the housework will fall on you by default. He said he’d alternate weeks doing the laundry? Yeah, right. That’s never happened.

You have to nurse him back to life after a night out. You clean up all of the dishes. You have to literally call the restaurant and make the reservation for your date night that “he planned.” Even though he calls you his girlfriend, he keeps you around to have a mommy take care of him.

He expects you to split everything equally.

Although you do all of the work at home and pull all of the weight in the relationship, he thinks that the relationship should be equal and pulls that card whenever it’s to his benefit. For example, when you go out on a date and you’ve been dating for a few years, he thinks that the longevity of the relationship somehow clears him from picking up the tab. Even if he makes more money than you. Even if you do all of the work at home and take care of him in ways he wouldn’t even know because he’s so dependent.

Sure, there are times when you should chip in financially, but it’s ridiculous to nickel and dime a long-term girlfriend on a dinner date. If he demands that you pay for your own dinner on a date that he took you on, you should get out of the relationship.

He treats you unfairly by holding you to unrealistic standards.

It takes two people to make a relationship work, and each person has their roles and responsibilities. Despite all that you already do, he thinks you should be more of whatever he desires. You should be more of what he lacks to see in himself.

He claims that he does all of the work in the bedroom and that you don’t try hard enough to please him. You always want to go on dates but never suggest where to go or what to do. He complains when you have friends over but goes out with his guys whenever he wants. This guy wants to keep you feeling insecure and lacking the confidence to get up and get out.  

He does just enough you quell your complaints with his bad behavior…

…and then goes right back to acting like a jerk. When you left for work expecting to come home to clean dishes, you walk in to find that he broke his promise for the thousandth time. He’ll give you some dumb excuse like, “I had so much work today and I was too exhausted to get to it” and then offer to buy you dinner. He’ll order a pizza and avoid ever addressing the problem. The vicious cycle will continue.

He doesn’t care about your friends.

The worst guys will keep you around for affection, sex, and free maid service. You know your man is using you when he makes zero effort to meet your friends or have a conversation. It might be perceived as social awkwardness, but let’s be real—this guy doesn’t want anything to do with your friends or your needs. He doesn’t make any effort to talk to your friends, even though you do everything you can to come across as the best girlfriend in front of his friends.

His priorities matter more than yours.

You always come in second place to his job, friends, social interests, and travel plans. His job is more important, so he needs more closet space. He won’t make any room or accommodations for you, but the second you threaten to walk, he brings up that one time he did something nice for you, and buys you dinner, and does whatever the bare minimum is to keep you on the hook.

He Doesn’t Love You, He’s Using You