Whoever made it a rule to have a man always pay for the date, especially if it’s a first one, should be sued. Okay, yes I am taking it a little bit overboard. I know that rule is ancient. And that is exactly the reason why it should stay in the ancient times.

I didn’t learn to provide for myself to have a guy I only superficially like pay a night out for me just because it’s some widely accepted ”rule”. Also, why wouldn’t a dinner be on me for a change? At the same time, it’s a great little test for me to see how a man I went out with reacts to a self-sufficient woman. If he can’t deal with it because it’s a ”man’s duty”, I sure as hell will not date him anymore. Here are some other reasons why I won’t date a man who won’t let me pay for the dinner:

I am looking for a partner, not a caretaker.

That means I want someone to be my equal in everything. From the effort invested in the relationship to the effort invested in our life together. Material or any other kind. But most of all, I want someone who will be my friend and biggest supporter.

I don’t need or like the princess treatment.

Nor do I need the knight in a shiny armor. What I need is to pay for my own damn meals.

I take pride in knowing I am doing well in life.

I have a nice job that pays well enough to be able to live the life that satisfies me. I am proud of myself for being self-sufficient and taking care of myself. And if that means picking up a check, so be it.

I refuse to follow any norms.

Social or gender norms, I do not care about them. Letting a woman treat you to a dinner will not make you less of a man. If that is how you measure masculinity, we are all in deep s**t.

Times when a man was the head of the house and sole provider are far behind us. Now women earn too, and men sometimes stay at home. If we could bury those norms, why exactly are we holding on to any of them? If we both successfully provide for ourselves, I reserve my right to pay for him just the way he pays for me.

I don’t need a man who feels uncomfortable next to an independent woman.

As mentioned above, picking up the check is a nice little test to see how my date reacts to me paying for the dinner. If it makes him feel uncomfortable, then he is definitely not my guy. I love being my own person and I will not change it for anything. Or anyone.

If you want to spoil me, there are better ways.

And you should be crafty enough to think of them. Money isn’t necessary to provide a date that will sweep me off my feet. And picking up the check has stopped being impressive ages ago. (We get it, you have money.)

It’s effort I appreciate the most. And if all your charm lies in things you can buy with your money, then once again, you’re not my guy.

Paying for myself saves me from the wrong impressions.

You know, like paying dinner and drinks and thinking I owe you sex just because you spent money on me. I’ll pass. Paying for my own leaves no place to conclusions like those.

I want to spoil you sometimes, too.

Okay, I get it. You like me and you’re not paying because you should or because you expect something in return. You just want to do things for me, like treating me to a dinner in my favorite restaurant.

Fine. I am fine with that. But only as long as you allow me to do the same in equal measure without being butthurt or feeling like less of a man. If I really like a guy, and care about him, then I want to spoil him too. And yes, that also means picking up a check instead of him. It’s mutual care that gets me every time.

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