I really want you to know that you hurt me. Probably you don’t feel guilt at all and you don’t know what I am going through because of you. I am suffering even more because you act like you didn’t do anything. You are perfectly calm while you made me feel agitated.
Perhaps you are unaware of the situation, or that is your selfishness. I don’t know what to think about you. You are someone who doesn’t feel anything when you are leaving someone. Only thing that matters to you is your own happiness. If you are satisfied or feeling fine, there is nothing else that can upset you.
Sometimes I want you to feel this pain that I am going through right now. I wish that you can see my tears every night and the way I behave toward other people in my life. I can assign it all to you. You paralyzed me in some weird way, because my broken heart doesn’t allow anyone to get close to me. I know I wasn’t like that before you hurt me.
To make things more complicated I know that you don’t care. Even if I sit with you and spend hours telling you what you did to me, you wouldn’t feel the guilt. I don’t have the way to explain it to you because no one ever hurt you. You don’t know how it is when someone leaves without explanation. No one deserves that. But I know that you would blame someone else. You will never think that it was up to you because you don’t understand.
There was a solution for our problems. But you were not the right person; you don’t deserve chances and conversations. I tried to get closer to you and I tried to talk to you, but you didn’t listen to me, you didn’t care so you left me to feel terrible. You defeated me.
If you could only think about everything, about how much you hurt me. In some way, I can say that you owned me, because I loved you. Why do people hurt the most those who love them the most? If you could see my pain, everything would end differently. I know that no one can save things that can’t be saved, but why didn’t you want to tell me your problems or what were you going through? Perhaps I could help you solve problems. In the end, I was the one who always supported you.
Still, you don’t get it. You never thought that it is your fault. I couldn’t convince you that the problem is in you, because you never saw yourself as a wrong or toxic one. You never face your problems or troubles. You rather choose to get away from them. Also, you don’t like when someone wants to help you, because it is always opposite than your way of fixing things and solving problems.
Even though all those around me think that I didn’t make a mistake in our relationship, somehow you are convincing me that I am the bad one. I won’t deny that I did something wrong, but I will never know until you tell me. If you could explain me for at least once what I did wrong in our connection, I would try to do something to fix that. I would apologize to you. Your reality was different than every other and that’s the reason you don’t care at all.
So, I was spinning around for long time, trying to survive the breakup and trying to find a way to deal with my pain. If you could only say sorry, everything would be different, I guarantee. A single conversation would be enough to help me get through this. But you never wanted to be the one who is blamed. It was me who took all the blame.
My only wish is that you could know that it would be easier for me to forgive you if you could take just a little bit of guilt. I would even agree to share it, in order to move on and accept our breakup.
I promise you that I will survive this pain you caused me. But one day you will realize that you were wrong and I hope it is going to haunt you. Maybe one day you will experience that the worst feeling is when the person who hurt you doesn’t even care about it. I wish no one ever hurt you the way you hurt me.