Lately, it seems that labelling a relationship has become a taboo. People tend to freak out the moment they hear words such as “commitment,” “exclusive,” or even “relationship.”
But, here, we’ll deal with another type of people—people who represent a contrast to the already mentioned group. These are the people who define their relationships at any cost. You maybe haven’t noticed it, but if you observe things a little deeper, you’ll see that there are more and more couples that have the unexplainable urge to define their relationship and do absolutely nothing else. It means they don’t do anything to actually improve the quality of the relationship they are in. They don’t actually have a real relationship, even if they call it that way.
But what even differentiates a “real” from a “fake” relationship? Let me tell you one thing: it’s not the label. Sometimes, it’s the little things. And sometimes, a real relationship is determined by some crucial things that sadly go unnoticed until it’s too late.
So, if you are in doubt of which box your relationship fits in, here are four signs your relationship is not real, no matter what you and your partner chose to call it.
Your communication sucks.
The basis of every healthy and successful relationship is strong, regular, and, most importantly, meaningful communication. And I am not talking about small talk here only. When you are in a real relationship, you and your partner should be able to have deep, heart to heart conversations relating to significant topics for both of you on a regular basis. And you should both be really interested and involved in these topics and truly listen to each other while you communicate.
It’s unthinkable for a real couple not to know what is going on in the other person’s life. Do you and your partner talk about the things that really concern you, about your issues and problems, about your life ambitions and fears? Or do you just talk about the weather and when and where are you going to meet? Do you call each other without a reason, simply to check on the other person and how their day has been? Do you have a feeling that a part of you is missing if you haven’t heard with your partner for just a couple of hours? You may think the answers on all of these questions are not as important, but trust me—they are crucial and they are the ones that determine the seriousness of your relationship. If your communication is based on texting from time to time and you don’t have the habit of talking to each other regularly, maybe it’s about time you question yourself if you are in a real relationship.
You insist too much on publicly displaying affection.
Social media has become a scale to measure how serious someone’s relationship is and how much love a couple shares. Of course, all of the serious couples know that can’t be further from the truth. It’s always nice to post a nice photo or a status update from time to time. But if that becomes your obsession, it’s time to think things through. The same is with pretending that the two of you are more affectionate when you are around people than you really are when you are alone.
It’s possible that you are only trying to impress people around you into thinking you have the perfect relationship. But, at the same time, you feel like your relationship doesn’t have the depth it should have, and by doing this, you try to decompensate what is missing by making it appear that everything is great. Maybe you are just putting on a show, an illusion, instead of really working on the problems you and your partner have. If you are in a relationship, you should be in it because it makes you happy and satisfied—not because of other people.
If you and your partner behave in this manner, maybe you are not in love with each other and would prefer to be single. Instead, you two may be in love with the idea of having a relationship and in the idea of being in love.
Everything revolves around your egos.
If you plan on having a serious, strong relationship, you and your partner should be ready to be equal partners. The first step in this process is putting your egos aside. And if one or both of you seem unready to do this, then it’s time to reconsider your relationship.
If you and your partner are constantly fighting a power battle, then your relationship is definitely not real. It doesn’t revolve around love, but about your and your partner’s egos. You two are not in a partnership—in your relationship, everything is about who is right. At the same time, neither of you is paying attention to how something is impacting your relationship—as long as you are right. Neither of you is flexible enough nor are you concerned about the other person’s feelings or about the future of the relationship. This type of a relationship is acceptable while you are in your early teen years, but if your relationship is like this and you are older, you should definitely think twice about its future. If you think you and your partner have love for each other, remember the importance of compromise and meeting each other halfway. Sometimes you will be right, but you’ll need to back out, to preserve the peace in the relationship. This doesn’t mean you are belittling yourself—it only means you are trying to look at things from your partner’s point of view, and it means that you are ready to put your relationship first. Hopefully, your partner will follow and you’ll end up having a real, healthy relationship.
Your intimacy is sexual only.
Being intimate with your partner means much more than just getting along in the bedroom. Although this should be common knowledge, unfortunately, many couples seem to be unaware of this notion.
Lately, everything seems to revolve around sex, and consequently, many relationships are based on physical attraction and nothing else. It’s okay if you are just attracted to someone, but it is way fairer to get into a casual fling or in a friends-with-benefits type of relationship with this person, than to insist on something serious and committed, because if you do, you’ll get yourself into deeper issues and problems that could have easily been avoided.
If you and your partner have a great sex life and can’t get your hands off each other, this only means you share a strong chemistry. Although this is a great thing and is crucial for a successful relationship when combined with other elements, chemistry alone can never be a basis for a healthy relationship. Whether we like it or not, these butterflies and this feeling of uncontrollable sexual tension and attraction sooner or later fades away, if it’s not sustained by other things. If you and your partner don’t share any common interests or worldviews and you are compatible in bed only, you guys don’t have a real relationship—you are only having a physical one.