The most important lesson that you have to learn as a woman is that a man doesn’t determine your value. You maybe know this theoretically, but do you really live up to this principle? Do you really know how amazing and special you are without a man in your life? Do you know your true worth? Do you love and appreciate yourself more than anyone else?
Because you should.
I am not saying you should be alone for the rest of your life if you happen to find the man of your dreams. But it’s important to make sure that this man is also special and that you never settle for less, just because you are afraid of solitude.
Every man that looks at you or gets attracted to you is only attracted to your shell. The same is with the men who don’t like you or refuse you. None of these men actually know the real you. And because of that, they are not worthy of you. The only man who is really worthy of you is the one who puts an extra effort into getting to know the real you. This guy will see you for who you really are—unique and one of the kind.
The number of guys that approach you doesn’t determine your value. It’s the same when it comes to the guys who are not interested in you. Simply, some things and some people are not meant to be. And that it is okay. Don’t you ever allow your self-esteem to be broken just because a guy wasn’t interested in you. It happens. And it’s not your fault. It’s just his loss because he doesn’t know what is he missing. He didn’t put in an effort to get to know you to the bottom of your soul and being. And he is the only one losing here. Because he did miss out a lot, although he may not know it.
Getting a guy or a man is one of the easiest things to do. But entering a relationship out of boredom or out of fear you’ll end up alone is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. If you are desperate to find just anyone, you don’t have any standards or criteria while looking for that guy. Therefore, you can bring yourself into a situation where you are with someone who is not compatible with you and doesn’t suit you in any way. At the same time, you’ll probably develop feelings towards this guy eventually and you will have gotten yourself into a bigger mess than when you were alone.
But having a healthy, meaningful, committed, and fulfilling relationship is very difficult and it takes effort from both partners. So, stop focusing on the fact that most of the people around you are in some kind of relationship. If you really have to focus on others, focus on the quality of those relationships. How many couples do you know that have real, unconditional love? Most of them are together just because they are terrified of being single or until someone better comes along. Is that really what you want for yourself? Or do you want unconditional, true love and a man who is by your side because he couldn’t imagine himself being with anyone else?
Instead of focusing on others, try to focus on yourself.
Remember that your value is not determined by your relationship status. So, you shouldn’t feel as less of a woman just because people keep asking you when is it that you are going to find someone. Your true value is not determined by the fact that you don’t have a partner to accompany you to a wedding. The fact that you don’t have a New Year’s kiss doesn’t determine your value. Neither does the fact that you are spending your weekends alone, watching your favorite TV show.
First of all, stop idealizing the life of other couples. They don’t live it any more exciting than you do. Yes, it’s always nice to have someone to hold your hand when you are going through a rough phase and a good night kiss always feels good, but at what cost?
Are you really ready to be with someone just so people would stop perceiving you as always being single? Are you ready to give up on your life principles just so you can fit social standards? Are you ready to give up on your independence and liberty just so you are not alone? And most importantly, are you ready to give up on your peace that you’ve worked so hard to acquire?
Remember, there is an enormous difference between being alone and being lonely. Even when you are single, you have your family, your friends and your interests. Besides, there are numerous ways to spend quality time on your own. Instead of focusing on the fact that you are single and what everyone else has to say about it, focus on self-care and self-improvement. Before you start imagining how your life would look like with this imaginary boyfriend of yours, start to work on the life you are living now and try to find the best possible ways to improve it.
This is the time when you are allowed to be a little bit selfish. You don’t have a significant other with whom you have to compromise all the time, so you can spend your time only the way you want it, and you can do the things that please only you. Besides, you can finally focus on improving yourself in every way possible. You have the time and the energy to improve yourself professionally, to learn a new language, to learn how to cook, to learn to dance or anything else that makes you happy and satisfied. Set goals for yourself and achieve them one by one. You also have enough time for self-reflection. Use this period while you are single to think about yourself. Think about everything you actually want from life, including the people you want to be a part of it. Think about everything you can give in a relationship and everything you are asking for. Think about what your deal breakers are.
All of this will help you with your insecurities and will improve your self-esteem, without you even knowing it. Once you are satisfied with yourself, you automatically become a more positive person towards yourself and towards the world. And people sense that.
Once you straighten your priorities, you’ll know your true value, and therefore, you will know what type of man will suit you best. You’ll know better than to settle just for anyone. You’ll be looking for a guy who will respect you and love you, the same way you respect and love yourself. You will know what kind of treatment you deserve and won’t put up with anything less.
You will know that you are a complete person without a man in your life. You’ll know that you don’t need a man to determine your value and you’ll know you are not less amazing just because you are single.
Until then, be single. Embrace your single life and enjoy all of its benefits.