Heartbreak

My Dear Ex, These Are The Top 5 Reasons Why I Can’t Forgive You…

can't forgive you
Written by Nela Baricevic

You played me. We both know that. So really there is no point in hiding the truth. But even with the time that is standing between us, my dear ex, I just can’t forgive you.

You broke all your promises. Remember? You knocked me to the floor. Remember? You made me cry. Remember that too? Now all your apologies are just a waste of time.

Remember how you were standing there, watching me fall to pieces without saying a single word? Remember how you were mad all the time and I never even got the chance to talk to you without hearing you yell? Remember how you were telling all our friends and family that I’m spending my days doing nothing? Remember how our little girl was shouting for you to stop saying those ugly words? Remember her tears too?

After all, remember how your ego was high, while I was down? I admit to you, never in my life have I felt more humiliated, more miserable, more helpless…

Now, with the years that are standing between us, the pain still persists. It seems like it won’t stop, and yes, that scares me to the bone. But these are the top five reasons why I can’t forgive you, and I think I never will…

You killed the love I was feeling.

You loved me once. I was your South, your East, your West, your North. I was holding the key that was leading to your heart. Once, I loved you too. You were my South, my East, my West, my North. You were holding the key that was leading to my heart. We said to each other – I do. And that was something we were supposed to say to each other each morning and each evening every single day for the rest of our lives.

I was ready. You were scared. You were running away from me. You were escaping the life you had chosen, leaving me with nothing but tears and regret. Leaving me with the feeling I shouldn’t have trusted you and I shouldn’t trust anyone anymore. You killed the love I was feeling. Love not only for you but for the life itself. For our little one because she was the mirror I was desperately trying to hide from. The mirror of you.

You killed the trust I was feeling.

Really, I trusted you. I was thinking you are the one to save me. The one to make things right. But at the end it was the opposite. You were the one who made things wrong. Deeply, deeply wrong. The one to slam the door in front of my face and just walk away without saying a word.

I was ready to make things right.

I was ready to listen. Ready to hear about all your worries. Ready to fix each one of them. I was ready to stay, but at the same time, all you were ready for was leaving me. Leaving your little child. Leaving the home you once loved. Leaving the life you once dreamed of.

I was ready to spend my life with you.

I wanted to stay. I was ready to forgive you but you never really cared. You’ve never really come to me to say, “I apologize for the pain I have caused you, for the tears you have cried, for the sorrow that you have felt.” So, don’t come with the expectation of forgiveness.

You have killed every single chance not only for forgiveness but also for returning to our home. Now the home is something much smaller. Now the home is something much sweeter. Much brighter. Much more colorful. Now the home is the two of us. The mirror of my previous love for you and me. She’s also the biggest happiness in my life. The deepest love in my heart. The daughter that I’m ready to die for, but not ready to get back to you, or even to forgive you, because you caused her pain too. Remember?

The pain of betrayal is still alive.

Exactly, the pain of betrayal is still alive. And as long as it is alive, the forgiveness that is carrying your name on the top is dead. Dead to the bone.

Now, with the years that are standing between us, the pain still persists. It seems like it won’t stop, and yes, that’s scares me to the bone. But cheers to the top five reasons why I can’t forgive you, and for sure I never will…

 

About the author

Nela Baricevic

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