To the Girl Who is Always Guilty
Everybody has always considered you to be the nicest girl ever. And you enjoy that role you have in people’s lives. You are the one everyone comes to when they are in problems and the one who gives her full self to at least try to help them.
But, it’s not easy to always be the nice girl. Yes, it brings the satisfaction of being a good person, but it also brings some negative emotions that you can’t avoid no matter how much you fight. One of them is guilt.
Sometimes, you feel guilty for being too nice. Life experience has taught you that people tend to take advantage of nice people. Every time someone uses you, you feel stupid for allowing it and it affects your self-esteem badly. Sometimes, you regret making toxic and unworthy people a priority in your life. When you meet someone new, you automatically assume that they are actually good people who are just going through some rough times, so you keep making excuses for their behavior towards you. Once you realize this new person is the same as everyone else and that this is not a phase in their life—it’s who they really are—you feel guilty for giving them so much of your energy and time. You feel guilty for giving the wrong people enough space in your life to hurt you, and you don’t blame them for that—you blame yourself for allowing that. But, we are all responsible for our actions. If someone did you harm, it’s only their fault and not yours for trying to help them. Remember, you did nothing wrong for wanting to be the good person.
On the other hand, you try very hard not to hurt anyone, even if they hurt you in more than one way. You are the person that always goes the extra mile just to make others happy. You are a sensitive girl who is also an overthinker. You simply have the need to please everyone around you and to question every word you said and every piece of action you did, wondering if your deeds have hurt someone. You are afraid you’ll cause someone pain, without even having the intention of doing it. You are someone who is always very much aware of your feelings and are an empath. That means you have the ability of picking up other people’s emotions, even if they don’t verbalize them. You know how it feels when someone causes you pain, so you are ready to do even the impossible not to be the one who hurts others. You live in the constant fear you’ll be someone’s reason to cry. Therefore, you don’t like to criticize people even if you are sure they are wrong. You feel guilty when you point out to someone’s mistakes because you are afraid you’ve hurt them or that you weren’t polite enough when telling them they should change something about their behavior. So, you end up apologizing for every little thing. Even when something is not even slightly your fault, you feel the unexplainable urge to apologize, because if you don’t, you’ll feel guilty because someone else is feeling bad. You’ll end up wondering if there was anything you could do to avoid this situation in which someone was humiliated and hurt and this feeling will haunt you for a long period of time. Each time you feel an awkward tension or you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, you feel the need to make things right, even if you weren’t the one who caused this.
There are times when you feel overwhelmed by other people’s problems and when you feel like you just can’t take it anymore. These are the situations in which you would like to say “no” to someone when they ask for your help and advice. But your guilt is what prevents you from refusing anyone. It almost seems impossible for you to say “no” to anyone. You are so eager to please everyone around you that you say “yes” 24/7, even when you don’t want to do something. You do this because you prefer to do things against your true will rather than dealing with the feeling of guilt you know will follow if you refuse someone.
You think of yourself as some kind of superwoman. You are trying very hard to save everyone. Whenever you see someone has issues or is emotionally broken or damaged, you find something worth fighting for deep inside that person. You think you can heal and fix everyone. And when it’s time to give up and after you see you’ve done even the impossible to help them, you feel guilty for not doing even more. There are times when you have to choose between saving them and saving yourself, because sometimes the only thing you can accomplish is going down with them. But, even then, you feel guilty for even thinking of moving on. You feel you could have done something more, you feel like you are abandoning them when they need you the most.
What you can’t grow to realize is that some people just don’t want to be saved and there is nothing you can do about it. They actually enjoy playing the victim and enjoy having someone take care of them. They love the attention you are giving to them, they enjoy the fact that you are there to worry for them, because they are narcissists and that’s the only way they can feel important.
You want to be the best person you could possibly be, and that is something worthy of admiration. But, in the process of helping others and feeling guilty if you don’t succeed, you are only destroying yourself. I hate to be the one who will break it to you, but rarely anyone will appreciate your sacrifices.
There is absolutely no need to feel guilty for some things. If you are able to feel this emotion, it means you are a good person with a strong conscience. But you are entitled to say “no” to something or someone. You have the right to walk away from toxic people, no matter how close they are to you. You have the right to be bothered or bored by someone who is sucking all of your positive energy out of you. You should never feel guilty for politely exiting a conversation that doesn’t make you feel good, and you should never blame yourself for cutting some people out of your life. Remember, you are not anyone’s guardian angel and savior.
You should stop putting other people’s needs in front of your own. Yes, in the beginning you may feel guilty, and you will have the urge to continue putting yourself down just to make others feel good, but with time, that feeling will go away. Also with time, you’ll start enjoying the love and care you are giving to yourself. This doesn’t mean you should suddenly become a self-centered person with no sympathy for others—it only means that you should do your best to get rid of this guilt you are feeling without a reason. It’s about time you put yourself first, because if you don’t, nobody else will.