The moment I met you, I fell in love with you. And it didn’t take me long to start loving you. Our relationship had its ups and downs, and when I come to think of it, it was a romance like every other.
A boy and a girl met. A boy started hitting on the girl. At first, the girl was playing hard to get for a little while, although she wasn’t indifferent either. After some time, they started dating. The boy loved the girl. The girl loved the boy as well. They had a few beautiful years. Then, the boy stopped loving the girl. The end.
Yes, it’s as simple as that, and yes, you did stop loving me. Don’t try to deny it, please. It’s okay, I’ve accepted it.
It took me a while to realize it, and it took me even longer to come to terms with it. But, finally I did. At first, I thought I was imagining things and exaggerating, looking for something that isn’t there. But, I just felt it. You know I always knew you like the palm of my hand. You didn’t do anything hurtful to me, you didn’t insult me, you didn’t neglect me, and I think you didn’t cheat on me either—you were still the nicest boyfriend there is. Whoever sees us together won’t notice any difference in your behavior. But they don’t know you like I do. I just knew.
You changed. You didn’t have that fire in your eyes whenever you saw me entering the room. You didn’t kiss me with the same intensity. You stopped using every possible opportunity just to hold my hand or to touch me or just to be close to me. My jokes stopped being so funny to you as they used to be. You suddenly became tired and uninterested in everything that concerned me. All of a sudden, we were only chatting about irrelevant topics and weren’t having meaningful conversations anymore. You didn’t feel the same need for me anymore. While you loved me, you used every possible opportunity to spend quality time with me, to call me just to hear my voice, if nothing else. But that also stopped. I don’t know how it happened, but you’ve stopped missing me. And along the way, I stopped missing you too.
At first, I thought it’s just a phase and that it will go away soon. All relationships have periods in which couples grow apart and when they are in a crisis. But we aren’t in a crisis. It’s not like we fight. You’ve become too indifferent to even argue with me. And I thought that fact would kill me.
Then, I thought the passion had faded away. It must have been it. That is also normal, I was telling myself. We are not teenagers anymore and we’ve been together for a long time, it’s reasonable you fell out of love with me. It doesn’t have to mean you don’t love me anymore. Yes, the fact that I obviously wasn’t attractive to you as I used to be, did hurt my ego, but I could make myself live with it. It is a natural stream of events—I knew butterflies would disappear eventually. So, I gave my best to spice things up. I wanted to surprise you in bed, I wanted to give you more attention on a daily basis, and I did everything I could to wake up the intimacy you had. But you only cooperated. I saw you didn’t want to hurt my feelings by rejecting me, but I also saw that you are not eager to save our relationship. I felt like I was pushing you to be with me.
It was then when I realized it was time to confront myself with the truth. You’ve stopped loving me. We grew apart. And there was nothing we could do about it, even if we both wanted to.
At first, I hated you. I hated you because you had the nerve to stop loving me. I blamed you for everything. I also considered you a coward. You didn’t have the guts to tell me we’re done, despite the fact that every part of your being was telling me exactly that. But then I realized how much I still mean to you. You didn’t want to hurt me. You were ready to stay in this charade of a relationship, just not to make me miserable. And I realized actually I was a coward. Yes, I knew everything. But I never had the courage to confront you. I was always too afraid to ask you if you still loved me, because I was terrified of the answer. I chose to pretend nothing was going on and that everything was more than perfect.
But it’s time to be brave. It’s time for me to tell you goodbye. You know I am lousy in saying goodbye, even if it’s for a few days. Imagine how it is when I know it’s the final goodbye. I feel like I can’t pronounce these words out loud, so I am writing this to you. All of this seems so definite. Probably because it really is. I hate to be the one who has to say it, but our relationship is already over and our love is a ship that has sailed, we just have to say the final goodbye.
Sometimes, I think that you were waiting for this. You were hoping I will be the one who will walk away from you, so you don’t have to do it. I know you don’t have the heart to leave me. You probably wanted to do it numerous times, but your conscience didn’t allow it. You probably think of all the beautiful memories we share, of all the times I was there for you. If you left me, you would be crushed by guilt.
But I don’t want anyone to be with me just out of gratitude or because of guilt. You don’t have the duty of loving me forever. Yes, we both hoped we would last for the rest of our lives, but people change and emotions change. I don’t want you to feel guilty because I don’t blame you for anything.
I am saving you by saying this goodbye. You won’t be responsible for our end—I’m taking that responsibility from you. I am doing the hard part, so you won’t have to.
You will always remain in my heart in one way or another. This will be a long and painful journey for me, but don’t think I won’t make it. You know how strong I am and that I will get over you and that I will learn to live my life without you.
I am sorry, but I don’t think we can stay friends. We had too much love between us for that to happen. But I want for you all the best from the depths of my heart. I want you to be truly happy, despite the fact I am not your happiness. I hope we’ll both find unconditional love that will really last a lifetime. I want you to love somebody and to be loved. You really deserve it.