To The Girl Who Looks Much Stronger Than She Feels
To the girl who looks much stronger than she feels;
Hey, you! I want you to know I see you and I feel you. I know everything you are going through and I know that sometimes, you feel like you can’t take it anymore. I know because I was you.
Yes, everyone perceives you as a strong, independent individual. Everyone thinks you are tough and that there is nothing you couldn’t bear. Everyone thinks that you could carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.
They think that a breakup couldn’t hurt you. They think that foolish comments about you never touch you. They never see you stressed out or crying, so they assume you are in never in that state of mind.
You act like a warrior, because you want to preserve that image everyone has created about you. Nobody knows the struggles you’ve been through and you prefer it that way, because you know that people smell a weakness, similar to wolves, and remember it.
Then, they use that weak spot they’ve discovered in any way they can. They use you. Yes, you always want to hear the truth, no matter how harsh it is, but sometimes, you also need a little bit of consideration, at least. People tend to tell you mean things, thinking it wouldn’t insult you. They hurt you in numerous ways, because they assume you’ll be able to get over it soon.
All of your friends use you as a forever shoulder to cry on. They all have their problems and issues and expect you to be there for them all the time. They expect you to resolve their problems instead of them, because they think you can handle everything.
But, when it comes to you, there is nobody there. You have to deal with your issues on your own. People around you simply assume you are capable of handling things on your own and that you don’t need their support and presence. They assume you can take whatever life challenges you with and they don’t make the slightest effort to at least be there for you when you need someone to talk to.
Even the ones who are closest to you don’t know the real you. It’s not that you’ve tried to present yourself in a different light from the start—you are just not the type of person who will complain about every little thing and people started seeing you as the strong one.
Yes, sometimes you have a difficult time expressing your emotions. And you have a problem presenting yourself as vulnerable. But that doesn’t mean you are not. It doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings as well.
You look strong, but are actually quite sensitive. You are more emotional than others, but people don’t see it. Don’t get me wrong, you are strong, but not in the way people think and perceive you. You simply always loved more than you would ever get back and you know it. And yet, you loved anyway.
You were always the one who gave more. You were the one who cared about people and who gave herself completely to everyone around you. And you were good for them only until they needed you. As soon as they got back on their feet, you were no longer a person of interest for them. And it hurt you more than anyone can imagine. Throughout life, you felt unloved, unwanted, and used more than once. It was the same in every relationship you had. It happened with your friends, romantic partners, and even when it came to your family members.
And you’ve never told anyone about the pain you’ve been through. You saw that people are overwhelmed when it comes to someone else’s problems, and the last thing you want to be is a burden to them. Life has taught you that people in general are selfish and self-centered. They rarely have a genuine concern for the things someone else is going through. On the contrary, their problems are always the most important and they expect everyone to feel that way.
As a result, you’ve started seeing your sensitivity and empathy as a weakness. You’ve started seeing emotions in general as a sign of weakness. So, you’ve begun shutting down any emotions you have deep inside of you. You’ve started hiding your sensitive side from everyone near you, and even from yourself. You’ve built a thick wall around you, hoping that it will protect you from all the toxic people and negativity in your surroundings. You’ve done even the impossible to hide that vulnerability of yours.
It doesn’t mean that you are not there for people that matter to you. You are still a loving daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend… All of the people you care about know that you have their back at all times. They know that they have your unconditional support, no matter what is the cost. And they know there is nothing they can do to you which will make you leave.
But it seems that nobody is at least trying to match your effort. Yes, it’s also your fault—you are the one who used every possible opportunity to show how strong and independent you are. But, you ask yourself if you are even important to them. How come they don’t notice when something is wrong with you? How is it possible that they are consumed with their own issues and problems to the point where they don’t pause for a second and take a real look at anyone around them? Because, you try. You don’t wait for them to complain to you about something. You are really listening to them and know when something is wrong, even before they say it.
But you feel like nobody cares about you enough to read in between the lines. On the surface, it looks like you have fulfilling and meaningful relationships with the people around you. But, when you look deeper, things are quite different.
Not a single person knows that you are actually just a little girl, waiting to be loved. They don’t know the number of sleepless nights you’ve spent, crying yourself to sleep. They don’t see that sometimes you need help, as well. That sometimes you only feel the need to know that someone is there for you. They don’t know all you want is to be loved unconditionally.
You are scared to show your true face to the world. You are afraid that you’ll be perceived as a failure if you show your true self. You are terrified that people around you will stop loving and respecting you once they see that you are also just a human being. But, know this: even if they do, it’s their lost and you don’t need those people in your life anyway.
Sadly, being weak is frowned upon in our society. But, repressing your emotions and hiding your vulnerabilities will bring you more harm than good. Sometimes you are affected by something or someone and that is perfectly natural. Although nobody likes to feel negative emotions or to lose control over themselves, all of this is a part of life, and everyone will just have to deal with it. Don’t be afraid of your emotions and don’t keep all of them inside of you. Of course, you won’t fully expose yourself to everyone that crosses your path, but from time to time, it’s okay to take your armor off and let yourself loose.
It took me a lot of time and energy to realize that my emotions are just a part of who I am and that they are not a sign of weakness. But, finally I came to that conclusion. And most importantly, I realized that those who can’t handle me at my weakest hours don’t deserve me at my strongest moments either.