If He Can’t Handle These Things About Me, Then He’s No Good To Me

he's no good to me
Written by Aveline

After going through quite a lot of heartbreak and learning how to build myself up, I have finally changed my mindset. I am at this place in my life where I will not allow the blame for being abandoned fall on something I did.

Why do I always have to blame myself? Why is it wrong knowing what I want and insisting on it? And why is it my fault that a strong minded woman scares men away? I have come to think that if he can’t handle these things about me, then he’s no good to me and I don’t want him to stay anyway.

Going for what I want.

I know what are my expectations in life and in a relationship. I feel no remorse for letting men know what it is and expecting it from them. If anything, they should be happy I chose honesty instead of playing games. If honesty and straightforwardness is something he can’t handle, then I can’t handle him.

High standards.

I know how I want to be treated and I expect it at all times. I want respect, and if that’s too much to ask from a guy I am with, then I wouldn’t want him staying anyways.

Questioning things.

We are together. I have a right to ask him a simple question as where is he heading or who is going to be there. If he sees is as invading his privacy and has an issue with sharing such things with me, then we have a problem. I am not giving my trust to shady men.

Knowing about my past relationships.

Seriously, what time do we live in? Why does it matter how big or small is my number and how long my relationships were? Why do guys still get to have a pass on that and we don’t? If he is concerned with anything other but the feelings we have for each other, he is not right for me.

Things starting to get serious.

I am here to find something to commit myself to and there he is, clawing his way out of it. If he has a meltdown after realizing things are heating up between us, and I am not talking just physically, we should go our separate ways.

Talking to him throughout the day.

If I am into him, I will want to hear from him a lot. If he finds that hearing from me as much is suffocating him, then I guess he is not ready for a relationship. Because when you’re dating someone, texting is just the tip of the iceberg.

Couples’ quarrels.

Bickering over things is a normal part of every human relationship. If he is running for the hills at the first sign of trouble or disagreement, we would never last anyways.

Talking about future.

If we’ve been together for some time, I will think about the possibility of getting married. If he can’t discuss marriage even theoretically, or confirm or deny if he ever thought of it, he’s no good for me.

Wanting satisfaction in our bedroom.

Sex is not just about your pleasure. It is about your partner’s pleasure too. You should be equally turned on by your partner’s enjoyment as much as you are by yours. I expect my man to at least make an effort. But, if he is the kind of man who only makes it good for himself, he is free to leave. I’ll even hold the door for him.

Seeing me for who I really am.

I have always given my all not to pretend to be someone else to impress my new boyfriend. But I do try extra hard to be the best version of myself, which includes always looking my best. After a while, you get comfortable with each other, and those posh facades fall down.

When I start feeling comfortable around him, sooner or later I will give up on looking perfect every damn time. It gets exhausting really quickly. If he has a problem with me hanging around my apartment in my sweatpants, no makeup and hair up, then he never really liked me for who I am. And if he doesn’t like me like that, good riddance. There is always someone who will.

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