I think I won’t ever find strength to delete your texts. I keep reading all of them, because I just can’t delete them. If I delete them it would be like I accept that I no longer have you beside me. And it would be really, really painful. I am just not ready to accept that you are not part of my life. Actually, I am not ready to live life without you. If I delete them, I will erase every trace of your existence. So I keep reading your old texts.

Our relationship ended a long time ago, and I should probably accept that we are not couple anymore. But I just refuse to act like you never happened. Actually, I refuse to forget you, to forget our relationship, to forget the way you made me feel. So I keep reading your old text, because I want to feel that way again. Because when I was with you I was the happiest person in the world.

I keep reading your old texts, because I still don’t understand why you left me.

So I am still reading old text because I am hoping that I will understand why, that I will find clues about why you left me. I don’t know why you chose to leave, why you chose to hurt me badly. And I keep reading them, over and over again, because I am looking for hints. I am looking for hints hidden in your words. Because I didn’t understand and I still don’t understand why you just left me like that. I don’t understand how your heart changed, I don’t understand what happened. Our breakup come out of nowhere, so there must have been some red flags that I missed.

I keep reading your old texts, because I miss your presence.

I miss you so much, I miss that hurt. And I think it is better to keep reading your texts than to text you again. So here I am, rereading them again and again. Actually, I can’t explain how much I miss you here, by my side. And only way to feel like you are still here is reading your old texts. When I read them I feel like nothing happened, like you and me are still we. Like nothing has changed between us.

I keep reading your old texts, because I am still hoping that you will find your way back to me.

There is a part of me that is still hoping that you will be mine again, that I will be yours again. So I don’t want to erase your old texts. Because I am hoping that one day we are going to read them, and laugh at them together. I miss you so much, and it would kill me if I delete them. Your old texts are only thing that I have from you. And I just can’t erase them, I can’t.

I keep reading your old texts, because when I am reading them, I know that we were real.

That our love was real, and that I am not crazy. Once you had feelings for me, you loved me, and those messages are a reminder of that. Once you were mine, and your old texts prove that. So I keep reading them all over again, because I enjoy in feeling that our love was real.

I keep reading your old texts, because I just can’t face reality.

It is so much easier to play pretend, than to understand that you are not mine anymore. And I just can’t convince myself that you are gone, that you are never going to come back. The only thing that can help me are your texts, because they make me feel like I am alive and happy, that I am with you. Whenever I am reading them, I have the same feeling like I had when your name popped onto the screen. So I can’t erase them. It doesn’t matter how much pain they cause, I keep reading your old texts.

I keep reading your old texts, because I still don’t get tired reading them.

To be honest, I know that I am torturing myself, but I just can’t stop reading them. And reading your old texts is not the only thing I am doing while you are not mine. Actually, I watch your favorite shows, I listen to our song, I replay our memories over and over again. Because I can not reconcile with the fact that you are not here, that you are not mine. Instead of helping myself, I am killing myself with reading your old texts. But I can’t help myself, I miss you too much. I miss you like never before.

 

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