You and I have shared so much. There are so many memories of us. So many stories I will never be able to forget. Those stories are forever etched in my mind. No new love or anything else that can happen in my life could erase them.
There is no us anymore, but for some reason we still talk. Not much, but we talk. Once or a twice a year. About completely meaningless, superficial stuff. Never going deeper than that because we both know were that could lead.
So we talk about our careers, about the people we used to know. And every time we talk, I feel like suffocating. There are things I would like to say, but I am not sure you would want to hear them.
The realization that we are so far from who we used to be is making me feel like I am drowning. It makes me nauseous knowing we do not know each other anymore. Not like we used to. And we might never know each other like that again.
But why are you still present then? Why do you still exist in my life, even if it’s only by conveying your thoughts to me with the words you write? Why are we not letting the past stay were it should be? Behind us, just a distant memory.
Why do we insist on picking at our scars? The ones that needed so much time to heal?
Don’t get me wrong. I am happy. I am happy to be a small part of your life, even if it’s only like this. I am happy you consider me your friend. Not because of the friend title. But because I get to be something of yours. Even if only a friend.
But how much longer will we insist on pretending when we know what’s bubbling over from the bottoms of our souls? How much longer will we evade letting out what we really feel towards each other?
I guess I just want to finally tell you this – please, tell me if you feel for me what I feel for you. Do not let the doubts stop you. Do not let the fear that I might not feel the same prevent you from saying it.
If there is a smallest spark in your heart left when you hear my name, when you read my words, please, tell me. Do not try so hard to conceal it anymore. I am here, happily responding to everything you have to say to me, am I not?
We have known each other so well for so long. We shared so many moments of joy and grief alike. Too much had us tethered to each other with this invisible thread to not be able to say it out loud. Say everything that lies in our hearts, now, when it matters the most.
So if you still feel tingling through your body when someone mentions me, don’t let me go.
Don’t let me be the one that got away. Please, don’t be the one that got away. I can’t stand the thought of aching for you until I stop breathing. I can’t stand still while everything we tried so hard for is turning to ashes.
If you love me, if that is why you are still insisting on these messages once in a while that do nothing to us but bring a kind of comfortable pain to our hearts, tell me. Scream it from the top of your lungs. Turn it into a song. Sing it, write it, paint it. Just, please, don’t let me go.