For too long I was in an abusive relationship. Deep inside me I knew that he wasn’t good for me, that I had to leave him. But actually I never had enough strength to start my life without him. So I stayed with him, I stayed in an abusive relationship, I stayed with my abusive partner. At the end, he left me, he was the one who had enough strength to leave, not me. I could never leave him, no matter what he was doing to me. For a while I felt ashamed because I stayed too long. I felt ashamed because all those years I was finding excuses for him. Now I know that I never should. He didn’t deserve anything, he didn’t deserve me.
But I loved him, and that was the biggest reason why I stayed too long with him. That was the reason why I was finding excuses for him for all those years. If you feel trapped with an abusive partner, because you are finding excuses for him, just stop. Because he is not worth of it. He doesn’t deserve you. You are strong enough to end all of that. Maybe my excuses that I was finding for him will help you to realize that is the perfect time to leave him.
Here are 7 excuses I made for my abusive partner:
I made a mistake, it was my fault. I was the reason why he was mad.
He manipulated me for too long. But all those years I was blaming myself. Every time I found an excuse for his abuse. Whenever he made a mistake, I apologized, because he made me think that it was my fault. All mine was wrong, everything I did was wrong. And all blame was on me, not him. But the truth is that he made many more mistakes than me, it was his fault, not mine.
He was just kidding.
He used to make fun of me, I was the one he laughed at constantly. So I started thinking that it is part of his humor. But now I know that wasn’t love, being laughed at all the time is not love. That was abuse, not love. He was my abusive partner. So remember, it is not love, and it will never be.
He loved me, I knew it.
I loved him so, so much. Actually, I loved him more than myself. He was my whole world, my everything. I couldn’t live without him. For too long I was convinced that he loved me, but unfortunately, he never did. He never loved me. Abuse is not love, an abusive partner is not “the right one.” Maybe he loved me in his own twisted way. But that love wasn’t real. Our relationship was a living nightmare, his love was pure hell.
That is just who he is, it is him.
Whenever I was with my friends and family, I refused to talk about our relationship. Now I understand that I was just to afraid to hear all things that I actually knew deep inside me. All that time I was trying to convince myself that is just who he is. And I was trying to convince others that is just his way of expressing emotions. But the truth is that all of them knew the truth, and I knew the truth. That wasn’t love. An abusive partner can’t love you, he can’t love the same way you love him.
I wasn’t good for anyone else, and no one else would want me.
After some time I realized that he was abusing me, but I couldn’t leave. How could I leave? I didn’t know how to live on my own. And he convinced me that I am not good for anyone else. That I am too damaged and crazy to be loved by someone else. He convinced me that no one would accept me. I was feeling so unworthy, and just because of him. He did it to me. But now I know that there is someone who is perfect for me. Someone who will love all my darkness and flaws. There is someone who will love me just the way I am.
But he never hit me.
Whenever I couldn’t find any other excuse, my main excuse was that he never hit me. Actually, he was destroying me with his words, with his behavior. He never hit me, but he was killing me.
I had nowhere to go.
I really believed I had nowhere to go. He made me believe that I only had him in my life. But, you know what? I had my family, I had my friends. They were still loving me, they were there for me. I was ashamed to ask for their help. But after a certain time, I understood that I have them in my life. I understood that I have somewhere to go. So don’t forget that you have someone to reach out to. He is not the only person in your life you can count on. There are so many other people who will be there for you.